Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Yes so would I! Maybe young people want to do more with their teens and 20's than be bringing up a baby?

Oh, okay, this provides a somewhat broader historical scope! 😂

https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/average-age-of-conception-throughout-human-history/151423/

'...the average age that humans had children throughout the past 250,000 years is 26.9.'

Not being a parent at 25 a few decades ago was not usual, the average age of a first time parent hasn’t been 25 since the early 1950’s. Being a very young parent is more common among certain groups, particularly those who are very low earners with lower levels of education, so if thats the group you belong to you may have mistakenly thought your experience was common.

I was twenty when I first became a parent, I wasn’t willing to bring a child up in poverty, so I wanted to wait until I had an established career, a mortgaged property and the finances to be able to work part time.

In my friendship group I’m the only person who became a parent in their twenties, as much like me everyone has made sure they have their own home etc before becoming parents.

I’m a decade older than you and I was not unusual when I had my first child at 39. My mother had had me when she was 32. My own daughter is in her early thirties and is not contemplating having children at the moment, if at all, given the current state of the world, as she sees it.

Women have options now. Young women see how hard some of the earlier generations have it and reassess, and good for them! I would rather my daughter had a career, travelled, had adventures than got tied down with marriage and babies. It looks to me like a lot of men don't have that much to offer nowadays so young women are choosing themselves

I’m 63 and had my first child at age 32 in 1995, none of my friends had children at 25. Older motherhood started to happen a lot earlier than you think

My Mum had me at 18 and absolutely could not provide the life to me that I could provide my child when I had them at 30. It’s not comparable at all.

She did her best and by the time she reached her 40’s she had evened out with the rest of her peers but that doesn’t mean she gave me the same life her peers gave her children. She also went on to have children with my stepdad in her 30s and they had a completely different, and better upbringing to me.

I think our generation is learning from these mistakes. We’re living longer and there’s less of a rush to pump out children. My Mum was also the first of her friendship group to have children by a long way. The rest waited until mid twenties/ late 30’s.

People also can’t afford to have children anymore. Years ago we could survive off one income, even in a poorly paid job. That just isn’t sustainable now a days. You say years ago people were having multiple kids and living in a tiny house but who really wants that? Definitely not me. I don’t begrudge my Mum for having me going, we’re very close, but I’ve taken my and made it my mission to give my child the opposite.

If they are teens they'll just do things the other way round and get their degrees and careers later

But they'll never have a carefree period of young adulthood. No matter how grown up your children are, you are not as free to do as you please, and not as young!

I'm in my mid 40s and had my first when I was 25 (so 20 years ago), second when I was 28. Even back then I was very much the first of my peers to have a child, in my circle most people didn't have children until their 30s at the earliest, generally more like 35 or so. I felt very young with my first!

Equally the older parents won’t be active grandparents as they’ll be 80 something, and won’t know that life either. It all evens out in one way or another.

Also, while it is certainly possible that a young parent will get a degree and a career later, it isn't certain or indeed that statistically likely. On average, women who become mothers before 25 will earn less than those who become mothers after 25 for their whole lives; it never - again on average, obviously there are individual exceptions - balances back out.

And many don't. They end up in cycles of deprivation caused by disrupted education and more often than not, single parenthood and early grandparenthood.

Life is for living when you are young - travel, parties, festivals etc kids should arrive when you are financially settled and able to provide a secure home for them - my nephew is 30 and now is is possibly the right time for him to think about getting married - and then kids will follow if they want them - not everyone does ! My mum was 30 when we were born in the late 60’s

Demographics. I'm around a decade older than you for reference.

I came from a 'widening participation' area. When I was sitting my A level exams one girl I went to secondary with with was pregnant with her 3rd, pregnant at the same time as her mum (who was herself only early 30s). I could count on one hand the number of people who left the local area to go to uni from my year. By 25 almost all my peers had children and when I was ttc at 30 most had multiple school aged children.

My DH is a year older than me, affluent area, private single sex school. When we were ttc he could count on one hand the number of his peers with kids. Even now its less than half.

It's not phones.

In late 30s, i had my DD young (early 20s) but wasnt exacly a planned choice. Most I know my age or younger started having children mid to late 30s. Them waiting to have children was nothing to do with phones 😂

Some were coupled up with their partner from late teens to early 20s, bought their 1st home together, but didn't rush having kids as they were enjoying freedom to enjoy eachother, building their career and up the housing ladder. Their kids now live a very privileged life and the parents have an very strong relationship following over a decade of priorising their relationship and creating memories and a life together.

Some didn't find a partner at a young age. Were also enjoying having a busy social life / building careers throughout their 20s

Others were making the most of their freedom travelling and spending time working in different places. Some still are, and have decided kids are not for them.

Those were the ones from my circle who are all quite educated. This wasn't the same for everyone I went to school with. The ones with no career ambitions or any interest in getting a job to be able to fund doing all the fun things didn't hang about before having their kids

@Quietterry How old are your parents?

I'm in my 50s and had my first child in my late 30s, no one I knew at the time had children in their 20s - too busy building careers, travelling, having fun, trying to find the right person to have children with in the middle of a busy life etc.

So way before smart phones were popular.

Now if you go back to my parent's generation - so people who were having babies in the 1980s and 1970s, then yes, people tended to have babies in their 20s. But part of that was social expectations particularly on women.

My own daughter is 24, been to Uni, a few years into her graduate job, having fun, going on holidays, weekends away, nights out, has her hobbies and is enjoying herself. The fact that she doesn't have a baby has nothing to do with phones/social media - she's just enjoying these years and establishing a career. Becoming a parent isn't on her radar. My boys are a little younger and I hope and can't imagine they will become parents in their mid 20's either.

I had my first baby at almost 35, most of my friends were in their 30's having children. We all
enjoyed our 20's, getting our careers established, etc. Personally, I think you had your baby far too young and wonder if you've ever felt you've missed out on perhaps Uni and those fun years, the laughs, mixed with studying. The necessary part-time jobs. The summer holidays with friends, the carefree nights out, relationship dramas, making great friends from outside your local area. Holidays and weekends away. Beginning a career. Only having to think of yourself. Learning to value yourself. Or maybe you've managed to do all/some of this too.

Because everyone's been conditioned to think they need to go to university, live a bit (go travelling, play the field etc), and then build a career before having kids. 50+ years ago times were simpler, so it wasn't unusual to get married and start a family by age 20. Now households need to be two (decent) income families to be winning at life, so it's become necessary to work your way up the career ladder before having kids. I'm not convinced it's progress for people to delay parenthood until late 30's, but hey ho, that's what most people seem to want.

But yes, you still are a spring chicken at 25. You're perspective on that will change when you hit 40 or 50!

My DC are your age, mid 50s, the first DGC appeared when they were mid thirties. We had our DC in our early 20s in the 1970s, and I knew some teen mums then, but most were similar in age to me, and married.

DGC are mid to late teens now, none would even contemplate having a child before they have finished their studies, had some life experiences, and are earning enough to support a family.

This is what I was going to say. In fact if 15 year olds scrolling on phones had actually contributed to a reduction of underage sex and pregnancy I’d be asking Starmer to reconsider his announcement today on those grounds entirely.

We do not need more 15 and 16year olds having babies.

I'm late 40s. There are very few people in my circle of friends who had kids before 25, and they were mostly accidental pregnancies. Among people who stayed in education past 16, it has long stopped being the norm to have kids this young (I mention education because that reflects where my peers and I are at).

Agree.
I think people don't like to admit how much they are influenced by their peers

I had my first at 29, and we live an affluent area. Most of the other new mums were in their late 30s/early 40s and seemed to think I was basically a teen mum. But we were homeowners and both had well established careers by then and I was very ready to be a mum. Most of my friends waited quite a few more years but I was ready and absolutely loved becoming and being a mum.

How old are your parents? I disagree with your comment @Quietterry that pre phones generation had kids young - I was 36 when I had my daughter - in my 20's I couldn't think of anything worse than getting married and having kids!!

The reason women have kids later I would say is die to equality and careers surely? Way more common now to concentrate on your career as a woman now and then once established to take maternity to have children. Cost of living means that it takes longer to save up to buy a house and get married etc.
Definitely not to do with phones!

I had kids at 37 and 40 and was just because I was concentrating on my career until then. I am 48 now so grew up in a generation with no phones - didn't have one until I was 21 and that was an old Nokia brick phone. Phone use didn't come into it!

OP, what are your life circumstances instances now? Are you still with the father of your first child? Do you have a solid career? Do you own your home? Have you travelled much - either away from your hometown or more widely overseas? If not, can you not see that your peers might want to have those things in place rather than settling down so early?

And, for context, I turned 16 in 1976 and at my school we’d have all judged someone who got pregnant at 16 then. Contraception was free and easy to get and we all wanted choices. Even 50 years ago this wasn’t common.