Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

In 1997 I went to a 10year reunion at school, so we were all 28 or thereabouts and had left school at 18. About 30 women there, 1 who had had a child.

Simple answer is education for women + good quality access to reliable contraception = fewer babies. If we’d all left school at 16 we would have been two years further inyo adulthood, kind of.

Do you own your own house OP? Are you still with the father of your child? Are you at a good place with your career? Have you travelled as much as you want to, unencumbered by a child?

These are all reasons people are ‘delaying’ having kids until their 30s.

Ironic that you’re saying people are spending too much time on their phones so not having kids…. I have never spent so much time on my phone since having kids. Wouldn’t have caught me scrolling Mumsnet at 25, too busy going out having fun.

I was 33 when I had my son, god knows I wasn't ready or financially equipped before then

I spent my 20's travelling, DJing, living in various countries AND finishing my degree & then finally settling down to teaching back here & finally meeting someone who was ready too & eventually having a child

I can't imagine judging people on when or why they have a child, especially these days

@Quietterry

Were you able to complete your GCSEs? Are you in any form of education or training now your dd is at the upper end of primary school?

You've probably heard of Call the Midwife tv drama series - but if not, I can recommend it as an interesting insight of pregnancy and childbirth issues during the 1950s and 60s, as well as wider social history wrt to health and family life etc (it starts off well but gets a bit too cheesey and focusing on certain characters, but still worth it though)

That seems unusual, OP, as half my class seemed to be pregnant before 20. They were people who had always wanted children, or were having them because they weren't sure what else to do with their lives.

The other half were establishing careers, travelling, waiting until they were more financially stable, not having met the right partner yet, or choosing not to have them at all because they didn't want to.

Its not phones, OP. Its a changed society, education and women having more rights and choices about relationships and fertility.

I was 25 thirty years ago and nobody I knew had kids at that age, apart from the couple of girls I went to school with who had always just wanted to be Mums (both were very religious) so married within their church and had their first child at 16.

I had much older sisters and have seven nieces and nephews, all born before I was at secondary school. I decided as a child that I did not want the life my sisters had and when I met DH at 29 I told him no kids. He said OK.

We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, no regrets yet..

Hope this posts. It's a graph showing births against mothers' ages from 1938 to 2008.

sigh

It's money, education and careers.

Not phones.

Everybody keeps talking about out times, and women's opportunities, changing - but while that’s all valid a couple of us have posted data that show that apart from a short period in the 1970s first child at around 30 has never been unusual. Age at first birth is much the same now as in the 1930s

Trying again.

Also, I got married at 20 and was divorced at 25 so glad I didn't have children in that marriage.

In answer to your question OP, YANBU…you are being utterly ridiculous!

My mum was born in 1946 and had her first at 35. My husband’s mum born in 1952 had her first at 29. My best friends mum born 1950 had her first at 32. I really don’t think there was an age recently where everyone had kids by 25. Honestly I’m in my mid 40s and all my friends who are around my age have parents at least 75ish give or take a year so had them late 20s at the earliest.

i do see where you are coming from. My teens are babysitting my friends kids!

I know someone who is fostering a baby born to a 17yr old. The dad was 37. I think fewer "young" pregnancies than you think happen between two kids who met on the bus.

Also, the way people meet partners now is often... through dating apps. I know quite a few kids who wouldn't now exist were it not for those.

Had better things to do in my 20s. Was absolutely terrified of not being able to provide for a child or give it a decent life. Am pregnant now in my mid-30s and so grateful I didn’t rush into a family. My life has been infinitely better.

The average age of first time mothers is around 30, so hardly surprising you don’t know many other mothers your age. I’m 64 and not one of my friends had children as young as you (25), in fact I only know two people who had children in their 20s at all - I know far more who had kids in their 40s.

Actually in the mid 90s most women had kids when they were 27/28. Obviously some were younger and some were older. My mum was 33 when she had her first, as was I. I waited until I was married, had a house and my career was stable.

I know what you mean im 33 have 5 kids. 1st at 16. I still travelled. Lived my life and bought a house. People I work with are just having their 1sts now.

I think you are judged harshly having kids young. Someone from dd year group got pregnant and it was the talk of everyone for a good while.

Better education and access/knowledge to a range of birth control. Religion plays a part. I was brought up a Catholic and if you had a baby out of wedlock 40 years ago it was a stigma and brought shame to your family (ridiculous I know). Birth control also wasn't allowed. Now the church has slowly moved on with the times and it's more acceptable to live together first etc. There are also more opportunities for women in the workplace, training and university than there was 40 years ago. I don't think phones have much to do with it other than helping young people make more informed choice and inspiring them to have careers and travel etc. I had my first at 35 and second at 39. I enjoyed my 20s to the max and had a career and a home before I settled down to have kids.

Because you’re 25!!! Barely anyone is married at 25, never mind have kids. I was married at 25 (20 years ago) which was considered young back then. I didn’t have kids until I was in my 30’s.

More women realise they aren’t just born to reproduce. That they can wait or not have any at all of that is what they want.

I am 40, my daughter is 3. One of my nephews (20), his girlfriend is pregnant. Feels crazy! My sister is a year younger and has 3 children, 19,18 and 15. It all just depends on what you want.

Women that age are tending to be still in education or are working and saving. Your timeline was less modern, more the way women did things in the 80s and before.

I grew up in a deprived area and even there the only girls who had babies at 16 were the ones from poor home environments or who were likely not going to get great exam results anyway. Even the girls who were likely to work minimum wage jobs long term still waited until their early 20s and experienced a decent chunk of youth.