Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Because 25 is still young to have kids. There was a massive policy and governmental push to end teen pregnancies and encourage birth control.

there is a large uptick in university education as well. Most people don’t finish uni until early 20s so are spending this time enjoying being out of full time education, working and building careers.

young women have so many options the 20+ commitment to child rearing isn’t that high on their list just yet.

I think people plan better for kids now and women want to have a good career before having children. I had DD10 in my late 20's and knew I'd be able to provide well for her. Moat of my friends started having kids at a similar age or later. None of the 25 year olds I know are planning kids until they are about 30. They want to travel, get married, buy a house and make sure they have stable careers. I only had a child once I knew I'd be able to afford the coats associated with them (Uni, driving lessons, savings so they can get on the property ladder etc)

Whereas in my parents’ generation (probably equivalent to your grandparents’ generation - born in 40s-50s), only one or two had children in their early 20s. Most had them had children in their late 20s/early 30s, because education of women had taken off for them.

I am not saying that is necessarily typical of that generation but it is very typical of my generation now (probably your parents’ generation??). I don’t know any woman or man in their later 40s/early 50s that has a child that is over 20y!

But it makes no difference. I agree teenagers are too young. But 27? Really is there that much difference in an extra 5 years of working and a few holidays?

And that’s totally normal and has been for decades. The only decade since the 1930s where more might have had children by 25 is the 70s.

I had kids in my late 20S having met DH at 18.

Loved it - also love fact still young when they are hitting adulthood.

My IL in very different world had DH very young but from 40 onwards they had mortage paid and were child free - and have since travelled the world and done loads. They were also very young DGP which I think they came to appreciate up for doing days out and activties with the kids - now nearly mid 70s they don't have same health and energy - though needed less with teens and adults grand children.

It's swings and roundabouts - there are good things having kids young and bad - and same with older ages.

Economiclaly though I think younger parenthood is less and less viable especailly if there is no money in background or no family support.

I had my first at 20, my third at 35. Definitely preferred being a young mother to an elderly one. ☺️ I think I was older than every mother at the school gates with the last one..I felt like a granny, but there was talk of women having babies later for career reasons by the time mine went to high school . I only knew one who started her family in her 40s and that was only because her bf of many years refused to be a father and she eventually gave up on him. Took her a couple of years to find a husband and father.

Because people today want to travel , progress careers , go on nice holidays before tying themselves down with kids .

I had DS21 when I was 27 and at the time it felt like I was the only one my age having a baby. Everyone else at the classes and baby groups were either really young, straight out of school or were in their mid to late 30’s. Sound like all your cohort are going to drop in to the latter

From the Economist this week. The number of children reduces and age at first birth increases with more education.

I'm mid 50s and had my children in my 30s, as did most of my friends. I don't know many people who were in their 20s when they had their first. Lots of us went to uni first and wanted to do things pre children, like travel, get married, buy a house. It's not a badge of honour to have a child by 25 when there are plenty of other opportunities you could do first. Obviously it's not necessarily a bad thing either but we have had more options since my parents generation.

Looking at my family history. My gran had her first at 28, she would 105 now. My mum had her first at 27, I had my first at 25, my own dd is nearly 30 and hasn't had a child yet. OP you are the anomaly.

I’m sixty and nobody I went to school with had a baby at 16. By 25, I only knew one school friend who had a baby and one uni friend.

In my demographic (Gen X) most people had their first baby aged about 30 I think.

I suppose it works the other way round too.

It’s not awful but I really enjoyed the freedom in my 20s, building a career, travelling the world, building a life with my bf (now DH) and generally having a great time. I would hate to not have had all this before setting down to be the best parent I could be and all the restrictions that come with that.

So the only thing I’d hate more than not having had my experiences is that my children don’t get to be free from responsibilities in their 20s.

But as you say, you can do it all in your 40s too, but it’s just different I suppose. It would be hard for me to leave my adult kids and go off travelling for a year. They may need me. Plus if the cycle continued, I’d be a granny in my 40s and that comes with additional responsibilities.

At 27 we weren't married and we lived in a rented 1 bed 3rd floor flat. I hated my job. We lived in a very expensive area. It was looking utterly impossible to get on the property ladder so we decided to enjoy life for a bit while establishing the careers and getting the jobs/finances in a position to buy a house and raise a child.

Those five years did in fact make a big difference to our lives.

OP you won’t remember but when I was growing up early 2000’s teen mums became stigmatised so it started to become more unattractive.
You also missed the binge drinking generation that came before you.
A lot of teen pregnancies are accidental not planned and people got better at stopping the accidents

I had my first baby at 29 (first out of all my friends) and second at 32. For me, I wanted to be set up in life before having children. Decent salary, decent house, able to provide all I want to be able give a child. I’m glad I did it that way, as I have found it far harder to progress my career since the children arrived!

Times change is the simplest answer
Other factors are expense and life opportunities
my child can’t believe the age her grandparents had married, started a family.
her eldest cousin has just married at 26 and I explained that’s average or younger now to start compared to years back.
i do find it hard to believe though that from your year group of apx 200 only around 5 have had kids…

Most people trying to build careers and stability are not trying to spend their beginner serious work years having small children. Especially as woman it puts you at a massive disadvantage as there 100s of other graduates vying for your spot.

My mum had us in her thirties, and I’m in my fifties. I’m not sure I personally know anyone who had kids in their early twenties, let alone teens. There are options for women now thank god, and many women see having kids early, as you chose to do op which is also your choice, as being limiting.

I think most 25 year olds these days want to get a good job, travel, have fun, get educated. They don’t want to be saddled with the responsibility of young kids and a life on benefits. Very sensible in my opinion.
It’s not an aspirational choice.

It’s different though. My mom finished having her kids at 23 but says she never got to have a true “responsibility free” period of living. Parenting lessens but never truly stops and then her parents start to age and grandkids come along.

And the physical changes make travel
different. I never had kids but I know it would have been impossible for me to lead the life I did, the way I did in my 20s with children. But we all have to prioritise and had I ever been in a position to have children I am sure I would have prioritised that and not done some of the other things I did.

I have always said to my daughters that any age is ok. If they are teens they'll just do things the other way round and get their degrees and careers later. We are going to be supportive grandparents whichever way round. If they have them earlier we'll be less available for care as we are still working. If it's later we might be part time or retired, but have less energy. There's no right way of doing things, but I want them to do what's right for them.

It's not the holidays, it's the entire selfish worry free experience

Personally, your experiences on people having kids from their mid 20s just don’t reflect mine.

Twenty years ago, I was your age now, and very few people I knew my age were having kids, despite us all having phones and social media. Certainly not in London where I lived, and certainly not young women on the career ladder.

Heck, I couldn’t imagine doing it at 25, let alone 16. And I wasn’t brought up to consider claiming benefits an option, I was brought up and expected to go to university, have a career and maybe go on later in life to possibly have kids if I was in a financial position to do so. And like you and your mum, this was reflecting my mum’s experience, (who didn’t start having kids until her 30s, which was 45 years ago)

And the financial situation for many has only got worse since my mid 20s/ in the last 20 years. Salaries have stagnated in comparison to inflation, housing & childcare costs, which have all increased.

So yes, people may not be having kids as young as they used to in your circles, but it’s unlikely to do with phones. More likely to do with how unaffordable having kids is.