Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

So your parents must be in your 50s? Most people also did not have children by 25 25 years ago… I was 25 then and no one I knew had children yet… didn’t start until we were well into our 30s…

Lots of women do uni for 4-6 years and don't want to throw that all away just to have kids. Same thing for when they've worked their way up in a career.

The there's the fact that men still don't seem to pull their weight in parenting and, regularly abandon the mothers of their children and I think today's women know that so are less likely to risk becoming single parents.

Thats if you can even find one you'd actually want to procreate with in the first place 😆

I would urge women to wait. I had mine at 34 and 38 and had myriad fertility issues. However before kids you know a level.of carefree you never know again once you have a child. Not the work, not the exhaustion but obviously that too, but the constant responsibility mentally for them. I remember being offended when my mum said 'kids are worry, that's what kids are' and only since having them do I understand.

My mum always says there wasn’t much else to do when they were early 20’s so just started having kids. She always says how lucky we are now that we spent our 20’s travelling, building our careers etc before having babies, as she would have loved to have done that really

I wanted financial stability and a career before babies…so did my husband. We’ve been together since we were 19/20 but were too busy travelling/saving for a mortgage, generally living life to consider having a baby in my mid 20’s.

Definitely wasn’t busy scrolling on my phone.

(and yes, you’re definitely being judgy)

@Quietterry have you got a mortgage (or a mortgage free home?

have you got a job?

have you got any qualifications? If yes, at what level and how many?

what is your pension plan?

I had my first at 33. I am a solo mum by choice so used a donor. I owned a flat in central London (with a mortgage), I had a good job as a senior civil servant earning enough I got no child benefit and I had savings to allow me to take a full year off. I had a student loan and 2 degrees but had paid off my loan before becoming pregnant.

I suppose to answer you question I was responsible? The irony that I’d spent 15 years trying not to get pregnant wasn’t lost on me but I wanted a stable environment to bring a child into.

im genuinely curious how precarious your lifestyle is (or if it is funded by taxpayers?) if you’ve got a job and own your own home I will be genuinely really impressed. But if not that is important to a lot of people before they start a family.

I had my first at 24 but can see why people wait. I didn't own a house (still don't ) and found it harder climbing the career ladder with children.

People can’t usually afford to have children in their early/mid 20’s. I had my first when I was 30 and my last at 36, I wanted to be on the property ladder and have secure housing, job etc before having them and it took until I was 30 to do it.
I think around 30 is average for a first, I’m now early 40’s and I would say most of the parents in my sons year have similar aged parents/siblings to us.

The only thing I could think that I’d hate more than having kids in my 20s is, if my children did. I want them live full and fun lives before they settle down with such heavy responsibilities.

It’s money, jobs, house prices and covid delays.

Economics - used to be older parents were uni educated and in higher paying careers - now areas we grew up in very working class age of parents has also slowly risen.

There a few - odd one DH met in HE who have kids young before doing uni and then build career after but mostly people are older ages living independely due to rental and housing costs - and even uncertain employement or underemployment and basically getting setting stable enough to have kids.

Lack of money, lack of suitable partners.

At 25 I had just started full time work, living in a houseshare with 6 others and single. So of course I would not have children then. (That said 20 years later I still don’t have them so…!)

I'm in my fifties and I had my first child at thirty, so did most people I worked with. I'm sure that was the average age twenty years ago, I don't think your mother's generation were all popping then out at twenty either

Why do it at all if it’s so awful? My mum had me in her 20s, I had my kids in my 20s. I have a good career, nice home, and all being well my youngest will be independent when I’m in my late 40s. Which is hardly ancient and gives me decades to enjoy travelling, nice holidays, and spontaneous things that you can’t do with younger kids.

I had my DD when I was 36 she is now 14, I was no way ready for a child before then, was out living my life going on holidays having fun

No money? More sense?

I was married with a mortgage and a kid at 23. I look back and think I must have been bonkers. On the plus side I had no issues with fertility and pregnancy. Had more energy to deal with him through toddler (and teenage) years, and was only in my early 40's when he left for Uni.

To be honest, I think there are pros and cons whatever age you decide to have children.

Money. People aren’t in a financial position to
have kids in their 20’s.

Before phones we had these things called books - we looked at those on the bus, in coffee shops, on the train etc

I got my first Nokia blue phone in 2000 - you could text and play snake on it!

at 16 I was working - at 21 I was living abroad, at 26 I had graduated and working , purchased my first house at 28 - married at 31 and had my first child at 32. I’m old so not one of these modern ‘girls’ putting phones before prams!

my eldest is 23 with no interest in babies - she just started her first graduate job.

Despite books and phones myself and my 3 girls all manage to have friendships and social lives.

Assuming your mum is late 40s, I am a similar age to her. I had mine at 35 and 37 and didn’t know anyone having them in their 20s when I was that age 🤷‍♀️

Some of us did the enjoying thing first though.

Horses for courses.

I got together with my partner in 1994 when we were 16 (note, properly pre mobiles). We had our first DC at 35.
The reason is that we wanted to build up our careers, money, and travel. Nothing to do with phones.

I think later childbirth tracks fairly solidly with female education. The more educated women become (as a nation) the longer they delay the age at which they first give birth.

my friends and i were all still travelling around the world at 25 - i didn't get a proper job and settle into one place until nearly 27 - only managed to get my house in my 30s and settle into a steady career - so couldnt afford kids until late 30s really! id no interest in having them sooner anyway as was enjoying my single party travel life

I personally wouldnt have kids if i didn;t have enough money to fund decent holidays and activities and days out etc -this stuff is important to me - so i waited until i knew i could do all this

I don’t think think this is true.

I wouldn’t have wanted to risk the fertility issues tbh. I can holiday more in a handful of years when my kids are older. I don’t know why everyone here is acting like kids mean the rest of your life is a write off, just horlicks
and slippers?

There's been a shift between generations - I don't wish to typecast but most people in their 20s want to go to university, get a job, enjoy life before settling down with children or buy their own home. It's also a lot more expensive to live now compared to 30/40 years ago and people found it easier to purchase their own homes, so may have settled down to a family life more quickly in their 20s.

My DM was 21 when she got married and 24 when she had me, which I think was pretty typical for her generation and the time period (1980s). She didn't pursue a career really or university, but had a job that she could fit around the demands of childcare. It was more of a typical man going out to be the breadwinner and the wife being more available at home set-up than we perhaps encounter so much nowadays.

I was 31 when I had my first DC and spent my 20s trying to build up a career, studying, being out partying and drinking... I didn't want children in my 20s but I did as I got married and moved into our own home.

I do think you get so little time for just yourself and to be selfish before you get to the point of having DC if you want them. It's not really possible to be that selfish again once you have them imo, because they will always need to come first. That's why I don't regret having my 20s child-free.