Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I think it's taking people longer to get on the property ladder and be financially ready, tbh.

But lifestyles could play a part too. My friend travelled the world (working) before having kids. We are both 56. My kids are 29 & 28. Hers are 12 & 8! I'm planning retirement and she has 2 kids in Primary School.

Unprecedented means no precedent. Aka never happened before, came out of nowhere.

What we have seen in the very gradual increase in age of mothers at first birth is the opposite of unprecedented. It's what happens when girls get an education, life options, and access to contraception (www.msiunitedstates.org/contraception-keeps-girls-in-school/)

It's a good thing. Most people don't want children having babies. And who wants to be 25 and feeling old?

Money

wanting to travel

wanting to be in a secure position - relationship, home, job etc - most people who have kids without these things in place the pregnancy was unplanned

having choices to do what’s right for your own circumstances.

25 is still really young especially if you have gone to college and university you would have only been out of education 2/3 years.

the average age for a first time buyer is 32, the rental market is extortionate and again people want to make sure they are in a secure position.

At 34 was the first to have children of my cohort in the early 2000s.

I think it's mainly down to education and feminism/career goals, both of which are often (unfortunately) tied to class.

And now of course it's much harder to afford a big enough property in many places, especially London and the South East, and that will be pushing things later too.

But it wasn’t unusual just a few decades ago.
“the average age of women at first birth today (29.6) is not very different to what it was in 1938 (29.0), and fertility among women in their forties was higher at the start of WWII and during the 1940s than it was in 2010” (article attached).
The lowest age was 23 in the 1970s and it’s been climbing ever since.
You seem to have concluded it’s ‘usual’ to have all your children under 25 because both you and your mother (and apparently her friendship group) did. They, and you, are unusual.
https://www.parliament.uk/business/publications/research/olympic-britain/population/have-kids-settle-down/

Erm, nothing you’ve said is “unprecedented” and you’re not “observing” since the things you claim to have seen are totally wrong 😅

In the early 80s, when I was a recent graduate, many of us could afford to buy homes. We could also afford family homes with 3 bedrooms, not just studio flats. We probably married younger as well because 'living together' was not acceptable. Parents helped with wedding costs rather than house deposits. So by 25, we had a home and a life partner and less idea how having children would affect our careers. Life is obviously very different now for people in their early 20s, I'm not sure what was usual in 2001 when OP was born.

In 2018 the average age for your first was 29. Today its 31.

So you're right that for your mum's cohort there would have been more having children by 25, which is what that PP was quoting.

But for YOUR cohort, no, it wouldn't be "loads and loads" because:

1. the birth rates dropped (2021-2025 are the lowest birth rates we've seen in the country ever) and,
2. Less would be having them at 25 or below for the averages to be where they were/are.

Please listen. What you're claiming was the norm was not the norm. And is definitely isn't now.

We have pretty foolproof LARC now as well, like the Mirena coil. Fewer ‘user error’ contraceptive failures.

It probably feels that way when you’ve had a kid since your mid-teens!

I'm 56 , most of my friends started having babies at 27/28 so even 30 years ago we were not having them at at 20/21 like my parents generation did. I was 36 but I'd been trying for 10 years.

This stat is wrong actually. The mean age in 2001 was 26.6 years - meaning the biggest pool of people were that age. The average age was 29.

Your parents may have. The average wasn’t that low.

What’s totally wrong? that out of 200+ people I know aged 25 only a handful have had kids. Backed up by another 25 year old on this thread.

I'm 38. Of my 10 closest school friends, me and one other have a kid. I don't expect there to be any more. I think that's the big shift. Not so much age as just not having kids full stop.

Because more and more people are realising that having kids is expensive and a lot of work and frankly, they can't be arsed with it all.

I must be your parents generation and I’d disagree with your opinion that most people of this generation had children by 25. I had my children at 26 and 29 (oldest is 23 now) the majority of their friends parents are at least 5-10 years older than me.
Career wise I was quite established, I’d qualified as a nurse at 21 so had changed jobs a couple of times and was more senior in my role and i further developed my career while they were young (but not so much when they were school aged). I made a complete hash of who I chose to father those children though, he ruined my financial stability too.
I am glad I am not still at the school gates though and cannot imagine having young children still. I also can’t imagine having grandchildren.
I’m not sure there is a right time to have children!

It’s not phones, it’s progress! Women are more likely to be in education or establish careers in their twenties than they were 40/50 years ago. I had my first at 32, when I was well established in my career, married and had my own home. My choice. If I’d had a baby at 16 I would’ve found it very difficult to do my A Levels, my degree, my postgraduate degree and the 12 hour days to establish myself in my career.

People are thinking for themselves more and are no longer just going through the checklists of life (getting married, having kids etc) because that’s what they’re told is normal and must be done.

People are enjoying their lives, making a career, travelling, having independence and also asking themselves if they actually want children.

Exactly.

So your conclusion is too much phone time?

Not people wanting to be in a career, have savings or have travelled first? Or just no longer feeling like the world is a place they want to bring kids into?

I'm 40 and had my first at 28 and even then that felt quite young compared to people I know.

Also very bizarre that you seem to be suggesting that having a first child at 16 is the normal way of things.

Well I can only speak from personal experience but in my line of work you generally need to have a PhD. So I was studying until I was 25, and I got married in my last year of that. And then saving up for a house deposit, we bought a house 3 years after that when I was aged 28. And then I wanted to have some fun and live my life for a bit, travel etc as it was the first time I'd ever had money left from a pay cheque ... so I was 33 by the time I had my first (and only) child. Things are even tougher for younger women (high competition / low wages / housing insecurity / etc), so they may not progress through the milestones so quickly, so they might be even older by the time they feel ready. Perhaps if we had universal basic income women would be able to take time out of their careers earlier in life and that might help?

Because times have massively changed OP.
my parents are mid 70’s and it was very much frowned upon to live together and not be married. Therefore my mum married my dad at 19 to move into their first house!
Of course from there it was kids next.
Now women want fun whilst they are young and to be carefree / build careers in their 20’s not be responsible for a child. Also, living on one wage was possible before. Now it’s not for long so becoming a mum means leaving your baby unless you are older perhaps and have some savings or one person is earning a lot.
grandparents and family were more local to help with childcare and support before. Now everyone lives miles away and the new generation of grandparents are generally too busy spending their thousands on holidays and cruises to have time / the commitment for childcare.

I had my last one at 41 and am post menopausal. I'm OK.

Ok I rescind saying that most of my mums generation had kids by 25 yes they may just have been her friend group.
But even if it was only half that would be 100 out of 200 people I know, even just a quarter would be 50 out of 200.
Its literally sub 5!