Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I don’t know anyone who had a baby before 30, not 1 person, had mine at 34, this is very much the norm now?

You’ve been parenting for nearly a decade from a very young age so your reference point is not the same as many of your peers.

There’s loads of things most 25 year olds are prioritising before children… travel, careers, education….

No it wasn’t

God I hope not. I'm not sure that a generation of unqualified 16 yr olds claiming universal credit is going to be great for the economy, as much as we might think that an uptick in the birth rate would help long term (I don't agree with that either tbf)

I guess everyone has their own personal reasons for the choices they select however I think much of it is linked to your environment and people you associate with.

In my extended family and close circle of friends there isn’t a single person who had a child before 30 in the last 2 decades. They were all building careers and travelling the world and didn’t give having children a second thought at a young age. It just wasn’t something on anyone’s agenda.

I met DH when I was 25 and we didn’t have a DS until I was in my 40’s and that was entirely by choice. Most of my friends are in a broadly similar situation. The youngest mother was 35 and some of the fathers are older.

My DS is just finishing Reception and there are more parents of children in his class who are in their 50’s than 20’s. The vast majority of the mothers are in their 40’s.

Had The has DS younger I think it would have been a very isolating experience. As it is I love every minute of it. The biggest topic of conversation at the school gates is who can retire first!

Actually, I think as well as average age, fewer people are having kids. But it's often a conscious choice. Various factors behind this. It's now a more socially acceptable choice where for a long time it was assumed you'd have kids. In addition to the financial pressures, which are obviously different if you're a teenager at home on benefits.

But what everyone is trying to tell you is that it wasn’t unusual a few decades ago either.

And phones aren’t stopping people having sex. In fact, phones have made it easier to meet people with the dating apps.

The age of a woman having her first child has risen in line with the availability and variety of contraception and women’s education and employment.

Probably because the average age for a woman to have a child now is about 27 I think? Plenty of reasons for that: financial and emotional. I had my first child aged 33 which was perfect for me.

So then there would be plenty of people my age who’d had kids already as averages include loads younger and older than that. The fact I know a handful out of 200+ people I went to school with is unprecedented. I wonder what the average will be for this generation probably like 35.

and No I’m not an incel, an incel wouldn’t be blaming phones anyway they’d blame women. I am not even judging I’m just observing

Op why are you repeating false statements over and over. Statistics prove you completely and utterly wrong.

I know!
Stupid then, stupid now.

@Ohcrap082024 Yep, I'm nearly 52 and I only knew one person who had a child (unplanned) before 25.

My friends had children in their 30's and early 40's, except for one who had her first at 29. Even 25-30 years ago, many people couldn't really support a family in their 20's, we had to establish our careers first. I suppose you could with significant parental help, but that's unusual.

I know someone IRL who's just had an unplanned baby at 25. Both she and her partner are being housed and significantly supported by their parents.

You had yours at 34 because you were busy for the prior 18 years of adulthood on your phone weren't you!? Admit it. Really long game of snake was it?

hello! Fellow 25 year old here! None of my friends have children yet, for various reasons, the overarching theme being that we aren’t ready! I’m training in a high pressure environment, some can’t afford to move out, some are travelling etc etc. I feel really young at 25 and certainly don’t feel in a rush to do anything. I enjoy having few commitments (aside from my cat!) and therefore being able to please myself and be quite selfish! I personally feel my 20s are the time to be able to do this for me. It’s great for you if your life plan is different but I don’t feel that it’s strange for women to have children later in life now that we enjoy more freedoms. I don’t think it has anything to do with phones to be honest.

i don’t know if I ever want children, but I can easily say that if I do it won’t be for some time!

Speaking from personal experience, its because there's loads of more fun things to be doing in your 20s than raising children like travelling, studying, clubbing, dating, working etc etc.

I'm older, mid 50s, but when I was in my 20s I knew only 1 friend who decided to start a family at 25. She also confided in me that her DH had talked her round and she'd only agreed because she thought it would take a while to get pregnant. She got pregnant first try.

All my other friends, inc. me, waited until very late 20s/30s.

OP you are repeatedly being told that this is an actual thing, yes, but it is not a new thing. And it’s nothing to do with smart phones. I’m more than 20 years older than you and not one of my friends or acquaintances had children in their twenties. Please stop being so astounded by the fact that women have been having babies later in life for decades now. It’s not new news.

A lot more of your mum's friends may have had kids by your age, but I'm 20+ years older than you, and very few of my friends and relatives had kids by 25, so it's not a universal truth. This, I think, is where your theory falls down. (That, and the fact that you seem to think that smart phones can stop teenagers/young adults having sex!)

😂

I think many women don't get the maternal instinct until much later. Then there is the social norm element. I wasn't broody at all in my late teens and early 20s. Then at about 25 I found myself noticing babies and feeling something stir inside me. That turned into a very strong urge over the next few years. Also between the ages of 18 and 30 I was never in the company of babies, ever. No one I knew had one. In fact I remember very clearly the first time I held a baby other than when I was a kid, i was 29 and already pregnant. It was another few years before my friends caught up, many were mid or late 30s.

My DD is 25. She has a few friends who are married already, but none who've had kids. I had my first at 27. It was definitely sooner than most people I went to school with

There’s nothing wrong with using universal credit if you need it, that’s what it’s there for. Thank you for answering the question. Do you mind if I ask if your pregnancy was planned or unplanned? For me, personally, I have struggled financially even on enhanced mat pay to fund a planned for baby so hats off to you for making it work.

I think maybe you just need to give it 3 more years and everyone you know will suddenly get married and have a baby all at once. Get prepared by buying lots of hats and congratulations cards.

If you're 26 now your mum had you in 2000 when the average age of first born was 26, it's only gone up to 29 now so not some massive change.

My Mum had me at 34 in the 1980s, it's not like everyone was having kids early then, it's just an average.

I had my first at 26 in the early-ish 2000s. I did feel young, but in reality looking at the average ages chart I was pretty average. It just depends who is around you.

I think a lot more women are interested in getting educated/qualified nowadays. I went to uni at 18 and spent 5 years in higher education (degree & masters) and then did a two year training contract to qualify as a solicitor. I was 25 by the time I qualified! I had my first child at 28 and second last year when I was 30.

The average age now is 29.5.

It's also unlikely to be an even distribution, I'd expect relatively few at 15-25, most in 25-35 and then a long taper to about 45.

Most people do not want to be teen mothers. They want to experience life, go to college, university, do their masters, travel the world, have different experiences, and live their lives. Most don't want the burden of children. Also they are expensive, and with the cost of living most 25 year olds are not on the property ladder. It's a different world than it was for our parents and grandparents.