AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

[pontipinemum]

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

If the piles of clothing on the bed are sorted why can't your H put them away?
If you are busy doing other things he shouldn't need to come and find you. He could just do the job himself.

Surely the issue is that he doesn't finish the sorting and put them away? He shouldn't have to ask permission to move clothes but neither should he have zero responsibility for laundry. It's almost like a parent, child dynamic between you. A grown up would just finish the job before getting into bed

If he moves them surely they're still in piles? If he stacks them, split them again? He's not shuffling them is he? Surely not a full re-sort?

That being said, why doesn't he just put them away? That would be my expectation.

This really wouldn’t bother me. If you’ve already sorted into piles then when there in one pile it should only take about 30 seconds to split them again. It’s not hard to see where the divide is between DH clothes, bedding, DC clothes, towels etc

Surely he knows which clothes belong to which member of his own family, and can finish putting them away? Really should not need to come and find you for this.

Good God, he's not one of your children coming to find mummy to move things so he can go to bed! He needs to learn to put things away. This has given me the ick on your behalf.

Why can't he move the clothes to their rightful places?

I agree with po. Why doesn’t he just put them away? Surely that makes the most sense, the ones for your room at least if your son is asleep.

They don't tend to stay in their piles. They fall over/ get jumbled. He balances them on various things. I would put away our clothes then put DSs into a basket - as they would be in bed

Yea I would be asking him why he can’t simply put the piles in the right rooms or even outside the door if he doesn’t want to wake the kids

So why isn't he?

Stop letting him be crap - and telling h8m to come get you so you can do it IS crap.

He has hands.

YABCompletelyU.

He does not need to ask permission to move clothes or to ask you to move them for him. He is presumably a fully functioning adult who can move things out of the way. Ideally he would put them away in the right locations. Failing that, I cannot see how sorting clothes is such a laborious task.

Pre organized piles he shouldn't ask he should dewlw ith

Sorry but if I get to the bed snd there’s anything on it, it’s just being lifted to the least irritating place and I’m going in! Either ask him to move it earlier or put it away yourself but if you’re ready to fall into bed you can’t be dealing with washing! (Joking not joking!!)

What? He's undoing work she's already done? He should obviously put them away. Are you a useless husband? (I have a decent husband so it's not bitterness but this sounds like the view of a useless one)

I do this all the time and DH (or me if I go to bed first and realise they're still there) will put them in their respective piles on to the floor and either one of us will then put them away in the morning. Just tell him to do that rather than piling them all up

I wouldn't expect him to put them away when he's about to get into bed (I wouldn't put them away either) but he shouldn't be jumbling the piles up

Well if laundry is something you take responsibility for then you should finish the job Not leave piles on the bed when you know he's going to want to get in it. I'd say the same if it was him doing it.

if one of his jibs was emptying the bins, his happy would you be if he just left the rubbish in bin bags in the middle of the kitchen?

hes moving piles he's not just throwing it all on the floor.

If a man left a job half done and strewn all over the bed so that his wife couldn't go to sleep and then expected her to come and ask him before moving the things so that she could get in, people would say he was lazy, controlling and abusive.

My DH HATES laundry so it's always been mine - he does cooking/dishwasher/kitchen for a fair split. But in this scenario, he would put our clothes away and leave the kids' stacked nicely, either on the floor or outside their rooms for the morning. Just as I would take on one of "his" jobs if he had been waylaid or distracted.

You have a very low bar. I would find his actions extremely ick-inducing.

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

OK I think I ask him to put them away in future.

Ideally I would do one persons laundry at a time but DSs are 3 and 1, their clothes get dirty daily so to keep on top of it I do a load whenever I have one. So while not the hardest task it can be a little time consuming sorting, especially socks and small jocks!

@Morepositivemum I do get that, but for the most part he gets into bed to watch videos about tractors!

Can you buy extra laundry baskets and sort into baskets? I have enough so each family member gets their stuff in one

He's not shuffling the piles though is he? They will be layered however you sorted them.

Of course, he could just take a few extra steps and take them to their final destination

If DH came to tell me that there were piles of clothes on the bed I think I’d just look at him blankly before suggesting that maybe he could put them away, then.

If the bed is the only suitable place to do the sorting, he shouldn't just move it, especially since he's shown he can't do so carefully. But if the items are in mid-sort and you've been called away and left them on the bed and he needs them moved as he's ready to go to sleep, he should finish sorting them and putting them away. If he's really confused on yours he could do his and the children's and leave yours on your side of the bed.