AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

[pontipinemum]

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

Nope.

So coukd the OP when she's sorted them

@2msoundsright yep!

If the laundry happened to be my responsibility and I was prone to getting distracted, I'd start checking I'd finished the job before anyone goes to bed.

And if my DH left them on there, I wouldn't be going into the kids rooms to put it away and risk waking them up.

How often do you forget that makes it threadworthy OP?

They'd certainly say he was lazy and ask 'Why can't this man child just put them away after folding them'.

Yes this, if my husband putting washing away it should be put away so I would do the same for him

To give him the benefit of the doubt, next time he says he doesn't know where stuff goes, talk him through your system or draw a diagram. You can designate a spot for miscellaneous items. If after that he still can't do it, then it's clearly just an excuse.

You might say that. I wouldn’t. Hence my ‘nope’.

YABU, I wouldn’t want to do laundry or wait for it to be done when waiting to get into bed either. You forgot about it and didn’t finish it, it’s on you really. I think leaving a half finished job on the bed and not telling him, but then expecting him to finish it off at bedtime when he’s literally expecting to step into bed is also unreasonable. It can’t take that long to reorganise your piles unless he literally throws the stuff around the room so I think this is a mountain and molehill one

No. I am a woman. Sorting laundry into piles takes about 5 minutes a load. Less if they have already been sorted and simply moved out of the way.

I assume you missed the part where I said he should ideally have put things away in your desperate attempt to call me a useless man?

Leave things lying around on a bed that someone wants to use, don't be surprised if they move them rather than running off for permission first.

I absolutely hate when DP uses our bed to sort clothes then leaves them there for me to sort out. I don't leave half done jobs in his way. The bed is not a storage space. I just dump them out the way.

My ex used to use the living room floor to sort paperwork or tools then start doing something else.

I am very against any form of "organising" that leads to things being in essential spaces in the way.

If you start a job you finish it.

If he went into the kid's room to put their clothes away and that woke them up, he'd probably be to blame for that too.

I mean, this feels like something that ordinary people just deal with?

OP forgetting to finish a job is not the end of the world. DH wanting to go to bed is also reasonable, so if he just puts the clothes on the floor that's fine?

If OP asks him to just say "oh, there are still clothes on the bed" just before getting into bed that surely is a reasonable request as wel?

I do wonder how some people manage to not argue about everything if such a stupid trivial thing becomes any sort of issue.

So an adult in the house is seeing a family job that needs to be done, and rather than finishing it off, is
just getting into bed to watch videos whilst presumably you’re still working elsewhere in the house? Making the job more difficult in the process as he’s undone your work?

That would drive me bananas and is very unfair and selfish of him.

I hate sorting and putting my own washing away - but I’m single so at least no one is undoing the sorting once I’ve started it!

OP said she’d be happy with the pile of the kids clothes just going in a basket

So she needs to sort them into a basket if she knows she's prone to forgetting so often, that this is even a thing.

This!

I think you are possibly gettibg a little too wirked ip about laundry. I mean as long as he doesnt put clean clothes on the floor or mix in dirty. I would pick my battles

“DH, if there are still clothes on the bed when you come up to go to sleep please put them away instead of just moving them else where. It takes a lot of time and effort to manage the constant stream of washing and I would appreciate it if you had some input.”

So if my husband half finishes a job I should complete it for him?

Why can't he do what you would do?

Yes he could redistribute the piles to their destinations but I'd pick my battles and save the frustration.

sort the clothes out down the length of your side of the bed so he can still get in

Leave his in a pile on the floor and say the same thing.

So you’re married to a child who is incapable of putting piles of laundry away because he wants to watch YouTube videos of people driving tractors. How sexy.

but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

Then he deals with the children so you can continue with the laundry. Give him the choice of children or finishing the laundry if you want but get the lazy twat to actually DO something. YANBU