AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

[pontipinemum]

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

Clearly a misogynist 😅 ok bye then

The next day I would say you need to sort and put away the clothes that were on the bed last night. I don’t sort and fold clothes twice because you’ve tossed them on the ground, you’re not my toddler. Those ones are all yours to do, please go and do that because it’s preying on my mind, please also remember to be polite if I ever trash something you’re doing half way through as you have done this many times. Unless you think I don’t matter, and don’t deserve respect?

Exactly! In most households, each adult has assigned jobs so you don’t just leave it half done and expect the other person to finish it.

Back to the OP, could you ask him to put the piles of clothes on the floor but to not mix them up? Even though I’m assuming he just puts one pile on top of the other one so should not take that long to sort out again?

Option C - your husband should put them away before getting into bed.

However if laundry is “your job” them you are unreasonable for leaving it half done. I would just move them too in that situation.

Does her vagina prevent her finishing a job?

So does a vagina prevent women from finishing off men's jobs or does it only work the usual double standard?

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

Ok this makes him sound useless as magically you know where his clothes go?

OP's children are 3 and 1. So they are going to be in the room with her. If they want something important (e.g. nappy change) then she sorts that out and goes back to the job. If it's something less pressing, she asks them to wait for a minute or two while she finishes off and puts piles in bedrooms (for example).

If OP is constantly distracted during a short job to the point that she forgets to go back and finish it, then I'd suggest she needs a different method of laundry sorting. Can I suggest sorting from the drier into the laundry basket? It takes two or 3 minutes.

LOVE the idea of coloured boxes.

DC cannot sort the clothes they are 3 and 1. They will when they are older.

I am a forgetful person. I do get distracted easily and it is something I am working on. But when DS aged 1 comes in to try and pull the clothes down or DS 3 yells from the bathroom 'mummmmmyyyy pooooo' I tend to go.

DH will have seen the clothes he comes home, showers and gets comfy clothes in our room. He is a farmer so works a few hours even on Sundays.

I don't expect him to finish my jobs, hence, why I asked him to tell me. If he takes the rubbish out he often forgets to put a new bag in, I do it.

Yes it is a "first world problem". I have plenty of deeper ones - like my mother (enormous story full of my abandonment/ neglect/ abuse/ PTSD/ ADHD) who is coming out of rehab again today and trying to keep my very poor/ very new boundaries intact.

I work from home and like to chat. This is not that deep and really will not impact our relationship.

I don't finish off jobs that are my DH's responsibility and that he has half finished, unless we've had a conversation where he has politely asked me to do so.

This is not because I am incapable due to having a vagina, but because they are his responsibility. And I don't remind him if he half finishes a job, because I'm not his PA and he is a grown adult who should be capable of remembering to do it.

He shouldn’t go to bed while there are clearly chores to be done he should put them into the right drawers or rooms at least before he gets in to bed like every mother would

I put YABU - get husband to do some adulting and put the piles of clothes away into everybody’s wardrobes

What a lazy bastard.

You know where his clothes go - so he can learn where your clothes go.

Why are you even asking if he's unreasonable or not? Unless there's more to this and he does everything in the house and you do nothing, then of course he needs to put them away!

Surely he should just put them away - I fail to see how he can run a farm but not know where his kids pants go.

Bit of a side track but whenever I see "tractor videos" it reminds me of that MP who was watching porn in Parliament. I wonder if that's DPs euphemism too 👀

I also do 99% of the laundry and sort it on the bed. (My husband does plenty else - like 100% of the cooking). I wouldn't want him putting mine away anyway.

However - just as a solution (if this isn't just one example of him being useless and you actually prefer him to leave it alone), just get 4 baskets that stack into each other. I have a small laundry basket from IKEA for each kid, fill it up and then it's there waiting for me if I don't finish it immediately and come back to it later in the week or whenever. I usually put it away once the basket is full - I work full-time so that tends to sit around until the weekend and I blitz it.

He can learn where clothes go. Like you have. Its slightly pathetic he seems incapable of that.

This. I often sort laundry after the kids are asleep and just leave the piles outside their rooms or just inside their doors, for them to put away in the morning (at least that’s the theory - still trying to train them up so that they don’t become laundry-incompetent men!)

This in spades!!

Who the hell is saying the OP is being unreasonable? Her 'D'H is one totally lazy arse. You can bet your last pound on who does more housework in this place - yep - the woman. As per feckin' usual...

Quite. My late OH wpuld have done this.

I was assuming the children were sleeping in the rooms the laundry would go so they need an in between solution...

And he can't do this why?

I don't expect him to finish my jobs, hence, why I asked him to tell me. If he takes the rubbish out he often forgets to put a new bag in, I do it.

So he shouldn't finish your jobs but you finish his?

Why?

YABU because you are spreading over a communal space and not clearing up before it needs to be used and it doesn’t matter why you were interrupted what matters is that after the interruption you didn’t go back and finish the job and then made your own disorganisation somehow your husbands fault.

Dont use the bed for this task is the obvious answer. Use the kitchen table or the sofa or the floor of the living room. That will mean that you will see that the job is unfinished because it’s in a high traffic area and you will remember to do it before he even gets home from work much less leaving it until he’s ready for bed.

"Communal space" what about the fact that they're communal clothes?