AIBU to find a girl's comment about social media quite sad

[FelicityShagsWell]

I just heard the story on the radio about Kier Starmer wanting to tighten up access to social media for under 16s. A few sound bites from some children followed. One girl said it's unfair because there's nothing else to do. Am I unreasonable to find that utterly sad?

The kids in my family do:

• ballet and dance. Older teen helps in younger kids classes & gets reduced costs as a result. Also meets friends to practise dance.
• brass instrument & wind band through local music service.
• air cadets
• scouts
• netball in a low cost social league with weekly training & matches, practises with friends.
• tennis at a very inexpensive local club & regularly goes for a knock about with friends on public courts.
• Rugby at local club

That's what I did with mine, I couldn't have given a shiny shit what little Tommy's parents were doing, or whether I was being "tight" or whatever! 😁
This ban would make it easier though. Like I used to say, "you're not allowed it until you're at least 13 and then we'll talk about it."
To have that up until 16 would be even better .
It's not good for mental health. At least we had it easier to leave our bullies behind us at school when we came through the door.
Then there's the constant algorithm pushing of potentially harmful/disturbing content too.

There's 'nothing else to do' because social media exists.
That's literally the point of it. Little snap shots to keep you scrolling, which traps you in to doing nothing else, losing skills, not socialising etc etc

When I was a kid there was a TV show encouraging you to switch off the telly and do something less boring instead. It even featured Ant, without Dec. Many of today's kids have little imagination because they don't experiment.

Oh and the 90s i did not spend any time as a teenager at the library or "community centre". What are those? There was no youth club.

I met friends to play badminton at the leisure centre. Went swimming. Played musical instruments, sang in a choir. Met friends outdoors and played rounders, walked around the local shops. Met at friends houses and played games (one guy had a dartboard in his garage). "Hung out" eg sat around a table with cans of pop doing stupid quizzes in a magazine or chatted about friends/boys/school.

The sadder thing is adults agreeing there's nothing to do. There's plenty to do, social media is just the easy option.

I wholeheartedly disagree with a SM ban (but maybe that's because I actively parent my kids so whole my 14 year old uses some SM its not excessive and is heavily controlled) but im currently on holiday in the USA and phone zombie adults are everywhere... every shop assistant is half arsed and on theor phones, airport workers... and at least 40% of drivers sitting in heavy moving traffic on the I4 (which is like the m25 at rush hour all the time) scrolling on their phones... its scary stuff to see.

Grim

It’s not about having no belief in young people, it’s about remembering my own teen years without social media and knowing that I didn’t do all the wholesome activities that everyone is listing on here.

I watched a lot of daytime TV, spent far too much money in McDonald’s or on sweets, sat in the park (and got moaned at by parents of younger children) and that was pretty much it. I spent a lot of time being incredibly bored and doing very, very little.

I think there is less for especially older teens to do than when I was one in the 90s.
we went to town all the time, there were frequent cheap buses. The cinema was cheap and in town, few screens and not much on though. People I went to school with lived close by and we spent a lot of time wandering and making pests of ourselves.
I also read a lot and did lots of drawing. I can remember being very bored a lot of time.

DD also reads a lot and draws/makes things/scrapbooks but struggles to find things to do. Her friends live miles away, town is horrible and pointless now. She did do some activities when younger but outgrew them or they ended because of covid.

I think there was more opportunity to just be with your friends, now it’s just more complicated.

Is there really a lot to do that doesn’t a) cost a fortune or b) rely on parents being available to provide lifts and transport?

The idea that teens are going to suddenly start doing loads of wholesome activities now that social media is banned is a bit ridiculous imo.

My 13 year old doesn’t have any social media. She gets the bus home from school, does her homework, practices her instrument, reads, plays football/netball in the garden with her sister, walks the dog, meets up with friends… 2 days a week she has a sports club, 1 day a week she has drama club, 1 evening a week she cooks dinner for the family… she has loads to do. Harder if you haven’t really kept up with any hobbies or interests I guess.

I'm a bit torn. I don't like nothing but phones and I get my 13 year old out and about plenty.

But he also really enjoys creating you tube content for his specialist (train based) interest and following other accounts (which I check and are all just about this topic). He's been really enjoying a series about trains and WW2, some engineering based content etc on you tube.

He's learned video editing skills. It's all completely anonymous and he doesn't put himself in any of it.

He will be gutted to lose his you tube account as he's put a lot of work into it.

Edited to say the online element supports non social media based activities. He does a lot of scratch builds, modification, creative activities but part of the fun is being able to share these in communities that appreciate the differences I can't see!

Well, that's sad. Life is what you make it!

My teens I joined the ATC. Made great friends, went rock climbing, flew a glider, flew a plane, went canoeing, did my Duke of Edinburgh, went camping, marches, RAF camps and this was just the tip.

Plenty to do out there if people look.

Im just being realistic tbh.

Though I am genuinely happy for those on here that live in areas where are seem to be lots of clubs and activities, and/or they had the time available and the skills themselves to teach knitting, sewing etc.

As a side the one activity that wasn't Nepotastic or only open to the favourites at the school that one of my DC really loved and threw himself into ended up being the main reason he is now a nervous wreck with zero confidence.

It's very difficult, undoubtedly there are people wasting time on phones, but also there are so many tasks to cram in around work - people can be using their phone for genuinely urgent things whilst also travelling or doing other activities.

Ultimately the number of hours worked, the increased complexity of completing tasks - I would be wary of judging why someone was on their phone unless I could see. Ten years ago I phoned the GP, asked for an appointment, end of chat. Now I have to complete a detailed online form. The amount of admin increases all the time!

One thing this ban will hopefully do is slightly shift culture around the need to be always connected, which is a burden across the board, for every age group.

You've sort of answered your own question, though. Hobbies, like your DDs have. I really don't understand the statement that young people have nothing to do, there are loads of options.

I know teens (not mine) who would say the same as that girl. They are very much part of the “iPad kid” generation and it is quite daunting to see how far ranging the impact of it is. No interests, inarticulate, prone to anxiety.

My daughter also has a Kindle which basically means that if she’s bored then there’s always something she can do. She can read.

I feel really sorry for these kids. It's not their fault they were born at a time of phones, screens, social media etc. They are the collateral damage and have to grow up with this all around them. Once they are older and can reflect I bet they will wish they group up in an era that didn't have these screens.

Trying to keep a lid on the amount of screen time my kids have is my number one parenting battle currently with an 9 and 13 year old. I look back at the toddler days and think how easy it was! Trying to negotiate with them on phones, social media, PlayStaion, Youtube, TV etc etc etc is EXHAUSTING! Anything like this is step in the right direction and validates all those trying desperately to hold the line on social media.

except for many adults it's a tool, it's not all social media (I realise the irony of posting on MN right now)

Adults look at their phone to check work, book tickets, check train timetables, check and organise their child's school and clubs etc..

Someone looking at their phone is not necessarily sad and bored?

There are things to do, some that have enough takers ongoing to never have to advertise. In my medium sized village in central south we have youth football, rugby, both sexes, tennis, swimming, trampolining, tae kwondo, fitness, youth gym, Am dram, dance, yoga, youth club, angling - and that’s just off the top of my head. Become a real part of your community and discover just what’s out there. Or maybe start something up yourself.

I did feel for the 12 year old girl. I hope her parents step up to fill the time

True but the fact that some people don't obey the law isn't necessarily a reason not to have the law. Kids use fake ID to buy alcohol or other age restricted activities. Doesn't mean we should just abandon ages limits.

More importantly it gives parents a solid back up for enforcement.

I'm glad to see gaming included. My DSs were never much interested in social media but chatting with randoms in online gaming was always a battle.

There is loads for kids to do. Mine do 6/7 clubs a week plus school clubs. I spend well over £500 a month on clubs. But I’m fully aware there are thousands of families who do not have this luxury. Who are afraid to walk through town to Brownies at 7.30 on a Tuesday evening on a dark November evening with two small girls. Who cannot spend £40 a month on a one hour a week gym class. Or whose ex husband refuses to take them to Saturday coaching on his weekend so they never get picked for the match anyway.

For those kids a crochet video or gym or dance video in YouTube may be useful. Mine spent an hour watching, stopping and rewinding a knitting video and a learn piano video. It’s cheap and I sat and did the knitting with them.

I live in a leafy area but I will no longer allow my kids to play at the park without me supervising. Criminals get away with crime and rapes are rising. I saw a massive shoplifting in a small supermarket in a really nice area - staff said it’s very common and no point calling the police as it’s a weekly occurrence - so my kids don’t go to the shop alone like I used to at 10-14.

I am very strict with gaming and SM access - they use very little as they are busy at clubs.

But this isn’t about protecting kids it’s about stopping middle aged people looking at the state of the U.K. on X and Facebook and TikTok - they want us to enter ID. Why is bluesky okay - lots of groomers are on bluesky - I closed my account and won’t let my kids access it (blocked).

I am not daft, I know my kids can access SM via a mates older brothers account or via the tech savvy year 9 or via their mate who has his grandmothers account on his phone as she is tech illiterate and he has to do all her online appointments. Does anyone really think there kids are now safe due to this? I discuss how they cannot unsee something so they need to be careful. But surely a limited access phone is the way? Why do parents want the government to parent their kids? The argument will now just be all my mates have bluesky can I have it?

Least the 13- 17s won’t vote Labour at the next election - they will be swotting up now on which party will withdraw the ban. 🤣

Has any party come out and said they will reverse it?