To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

FFS

You were there for a couple of hours and yet you stole a couple of crackers to eat in the toilet?

Most people can go without eating for a few hours - the fact you apparently couldn’t because of your pregnancy wasn’t something they could be expected to know. You hadn’t planned ahead so why would they? Why didn’t you take biscuits or cakes with you to share with the hosts?

And not going to the pub in case they did is just being a martyr. They didn’t give you a meal so it’s perfectly rational that you would get one before heading back

I don’t know if I’m reading it right but you seem to be very angry with people for not anticipating every nuance of your pregnancy.

I'm Irish and it's beyond rude in our culture not to offer food even if someone is visiting for 10 mins. But scandis are notoriously the other end of the spectrum. Def cultural!

You were super unreasonable though not to go somewhere local to eat for fear of awkwardness. Why on earth would it be weird?

I wouldn’t assume anything, it’s always better not to.
OP wasn’t rude, she didn’t feel well as she couldn’t tolerate long period without food and she needed something straight away if you were never in this situation - lucky you.

Well by OP’s own post the plan was “early afternoon” not middle, so no idea why you changed that, and they obviously had to leave 2 hours before the arrival time. Seems strange to not even think about whether someone might be hungry after a fairly long drive to visit you.

For an early afternoon visit, I would certainly assume my guests had had a full lunch. I suppose I might offer biscuits or something at some stage, but given that it's not lunchtime or teatime I'm not sure I'd view it as essential. Looking at it the other way, if I arrived at someone's house in the early afternoon having had lunch and they offered me something to eat, I'd probably refuse.

It's a perfectly valid point - if someone arrives around 2-2.30, by the time you have any food fully ready it would be mid afternoon. Unless they told me they were not having lunch on the way, I really wouldn't assume they were expecting it at that time.

I would have fed you. But I can see in there head 2hrs = no need for a meal.

I think you could go to a pub after and if they saw you - you just say dead hungry so thought wed stop off on the way back. Its normal and fine.

I also think if these friends are good enough youd drive 4 hrs to see them for 2 id have asked. Any biscuits?

Seems strange to not even think about whether someone might be hungry after a fairly long drive to visit you.

@Honeyhonay Did you miss that I said I would have had cake, biscuits or scones?

In this situation I wouldn’t have expected a meal. They invited you to go and “see how their new place looks.” And it was early
afternoon, not over lunch or dinner time.
However I definitely would expect/assume there would be some cake or biscuits. But that would be all.
To be honest the way you describe your pregnancy hunger and feeling nauseous if you don’t eat for a while (I get it, I was the same!) I don’t think the cake would’ve really helped anyway. You had your own snacks in the car and the sneaky toilet crackers and that didn’t help you, so I doubt a slice of cake would’ve have done either.
I think the whole thing about not going to the nearby pub for a proper meal after you left is really silly. What would be the chances they’d be there, and even if they were, so what? In what way is it rude of you to be seen going for a meal? I don’t get that at all and it comes across a bit martyr-ish.

I mean i haven’t really hosted a ‘special occasion’ at home but no one has ever asked me for sparkling water. I also very rarely seen anyone else i’ve dined with even order it at a restaurant tbh. I like it but i don’t know many others that do.

Regular water or some squash in my house. Or a coke or a hot drink. But nope, no sparkling water :)

😁

Drinks if i am at home but always a homemade biscuit, bridie left in a box on the wall,or in the summer an ice lolly. We are rural and the guys sit by the shore and take a few minutes break.
I had builders here for 2 days and they were fed rolls with square sausage and tattie scone for breakfast, there was a kettle and a hot plate with a pot of soup all day both days for them to help themselves, a cooked lunch and cake and scones to go with their tea.

I'm not sure why you feel the need to stress the OPs situation to me or assume I was lucky enough not to feel sick when pregnant, given I made no comment on her need to eat?
I commented on how she chose to deal with that. It isn't normal social behaviour to sneak food to eat in a toilet. The normal thing is to ask a friend for a biscuit. I struggle to comprehend that anyone would have a friend they'd travel two hours to see and sneak food rather than ask.

Ah but do you have a lovely beach they can park up at for a few moments?

I agree op. I would feel really ill if I was hungry when pregnant. But even regardless of the pregnancy inviting people over and not offering anything beyond a drink is rude, MN is known for competitive undereating so the idea that someone would be hungry during a two hour visit is beyond many on here.

I think the strangest thing though is driving so far to visit people who you are not comfortable enough with to just ask or tell them. And then saying no to a pub dinner in case they saw you 😂 being hungry and eating dinner isn't a crime or anything to be awkward about

I'm Irish & i was brought up by my nanny. Sandwiches, cake & tea (or coffee) is always available when they arrive. Nothing huge, just a small offering.

Oh OP, you've activated the Mumsnet Competitive Undereaters, for whom allowing a crumb to pass their lips between rigid mealtimes is an unthinkable extravagance.

Your friends were terrible hosts. You invite people round, you make sure they have something to eat - something light in the afternoon, sure, but you still (at a minimum) nip out beforehand and grab a packet of biscuit, make sure you've got the tea and coffee basics in, or whatever.

The hosts knew their guests had a decent journey there and back, they knew in advance they were coming. A couple of biscuits on a plate alongside the tea is very basic hosting.

Visitors have made the effort to visit you so it is good hosting to make an effort for them.

Offering a drink and asking if they want something to eat is the most basic thing that you can do for a guest. Especially after a long journey!

Making a visitor feel comfortable is the most important thing. Basic manners.

Tbf it’s not normal social behaviour to expect everyone to understand that you can’t apparently go two hours without food but that, instead of ensuring you ate adequately beforehand, you had a light lunch and then stole food to eat in the toilet.

You were clearly in a mood and making a point by not going to the pub (‘no, don’t want it now anyway’).

This. You push hospitality on your guests until they fight you off, saying no more, no more! There are some quite ascetic monks on this thread, generously offering a nutritious glass of water, but of course, not an indulgent second.
Your pattern has been disrupted by travel, you have made an effort, and by all the rules of hospitality, of course they offer sustenance. Are they odd in any other ways? I have to say 47 per cent think this is ok is a surprise, really.

But presumably the hosts would have expected two adults to have ensured they had eaten beforehand properly as it wasn’t an invite for a meal?

Do you have a medical condition that means you can't go a few hours without eating?

See i think the opposite if friends and family regularly visit its not seen as a big occasion that needs catering for their just popping in for a cup of tea and a catch up if you're someone who rarely has visitors i can maybe see why you would go all out and bake cakes or go to the shop specifically for them. I don't think i have anyone visit who wouldn't say have you got something to eat I'm starving i missed lunch then obviously I would find them something but if I baked a cake everytime someone visited id be the size of a house

No it is NOT completely normal
to offer snacks to adults enjoying a two-hour visit. You think it is, but this thread alone shows it is not.