To expect a snack when visiting someone's home for a few hours?

[Playdoughy]

Context matters clearly, so I will give some background.
We've been invited to friends' place who live outside of London (90mins car ride) and we agreed to come by over the weekend for a few hours in the early afternoon. The invite was not for an overnight stay but more of a housewarming situation - as in come and see how the place looks like (not for a group of people but just us visiting). They have been living in the flat for 5 months now, I am pregnant so couldn't take a trip during first semester due to sickness - now more up for it.
Anyway we had an early light lunch (luckily) and took off today to arrive after almost a 2 hour drive due to traffic. We had a lovely time chatting and stayed for around 2 hours (I literally had to leave and gave signal to my husband as I was starving to the point of being nauseous).
We got offered a tea upon arrival (drink, not a meal - to avoid any confusion) so I had a cup of tea -no biscuits involved.
I have to admit that on my way to the loo I literally stole a couple of crackers from an open bag sitting on a sideboard near the kitchen and I ate that in the bathroom (yeah...).
After we said goodbyes and went into the car my husband started googling for any nearby pub to have dinner - I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them. So we grabbed some snacks in an off licence for the car and were on our way.
I mean surely as a host you have some concept of your guests travelling to see you and need to travel back - for us this would be almost 6 hours without a meal and I am pregnant.
I just don't get it. Even a box of digestives would have helped.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thingy, she is american he is scandinavian. Anyway aibu?

I genuinely don't think my friends have ever offered me cake or biscuits for an afternoon visit , and I don't know if I would have thought to offer as I wouldn't usually snack 2 hrs after lunch. It sounds like quite a casual visit, maybe the crisps would come out at 5pm ish with my friends but no biscuits in the early afternoon.

Having said that I don't think I'd invite someone coming a 3hr round trip for an early afternoon cup of tea, I'd invite them over a meal time anyway. It's too far to travel just for a quick hang out

Wouldn't expect anything tbh.
I go to various friends and they come to mine and and as a rule we only offer food if we have been invited for tea or lunch.

We dont have cakes, biscuits, crisps or treats in unless it is Christmas.
I know op said she is pregnant but generally speaking we can go a few hours without snacking.

My guess is they didn't really think about your travelling time beforehand and would have assumed you had food not long before meeting. Or they might have thought you stopped on the way to get something and therefore didn't need anything.
It sounds like it was a short catch up (only 2 hours) so I can see why they didn't think to get out snacks.
I do think maybe they should have had something on hand, unless they thought you might bring a cake to share (you brought gifts for them but when I have visited people I have sometimes asked them what to bring - one friend always says fruit while another is always happy for cake so maybe they didn't actually have anything to offer).
In your situation though where you say you eat little but often I would have had something in my bag and then excused it on the baby and said I need to eat (even if you naturally would eat a snack).
As others have said it seems weird that these are friends that are close enough you drive 2 hours to see but can't even mention needing food and you stole from because of this. If you saw the crackers on the side I don't know why you didn't return to your friends and just ask.

I’d never go to someone’s house expecting food unless it was explicitly mentioned beforehand. Even then I wouldn’t rely on it as have been disappointed before.
as someone who’s suffered extreme pregnancy sickness every time, I’d definitely have brought my own snacks and probably a housewarming gift including something nice to eat.
id have eaten my snack when hungry and said so.
after all that fuss I’d definitely have gone to the pub for food

What a load of baloney.

I heard in Scandinavia they sometimes don't even offer guests dinner when the family eats and you have to sit elsewhere by yourself! Although not sure if it's an urban legend or less common than it sounds.

To be honest I always prefer inviting play dates or guests between early afternoon-before dinner because there's no pressure to prepare a lot of food. However there will always be snacks. Usually a plate of fruit, something salty (crisps, pretzels) and something sweet (homemade cookies, cake etc).

Don't consider myself a big host-y person but it does feel very odd not to have a few bowls on the table when guests come over.

If someone was just popping round for a couple of hours after lunch I generally would just offer them a cup of tea and maybe some biscuits if I had some in. If someone was travelling a distance to see me I would expect to feed them, so I would invite them for lunch. So I think if you weren't invited for lunch that's what makes it rude.

I’d always offer some sort of food and all of my friends would too. Usually things like crisps/dip/olives/nuts etc for an afternoon visit.

You can tell which posters have regular visitors, or are invited to friends houses often and those that don't.
Absolutely YANBU @Playdoughy if I had arranged such a visit I would have had provided a slice of cake or something along those lines with the cuppa. If I knew you were pregnant I would probably ask if you needed anything more.
If we have arranged to visit friends we have never not been offered anything.
Only time I don't and wouldn't expect anyone else to, is popping in unannounced or with a 5 minute warning.

Your context is important because it is almost an ok situation but actually not quite! Given you had such a long drive, then it’s definitely a cake situation. Had you come over mid-afternoon and you only lived 30 mins away, perhaps it would be more of a cup of tea situation….

I cant speak for the American side. However its hugely unusual for scandinavian cultures to not offer something. Biscuits or fruit or similar usually get brought out the moment you sit down. I have never been offered a drink in any scandinavian country without there also being some sort of food

I wouldn't expect to buy in stuff for a 2 hour afternoon visit, and I don't keep biscuits and cake in the house. If I knew they were travelling a long way I would invite them over a mealtime. If the timing choice was yours then YABU.

I don’t regularly have things like that in the house either but if we were having friends round I’d get some bits in especially.
We popped to a friend’s for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon a few weeks ago. We were offered tea/coffee/soft drinks/beer/wine and they put out a selection of food like stuffed bell peppers, Serrano ham, olives and crisps. That’s fairly standard amongst my friends/family.

From Edinburgh by any chance ? (tongue in cheek).

I'm American, and I would never have someone over, no matter what the time of day, without putting something out. I would always have something to offer, like pretzels, nuts, olives and cold drinks, as well as cookies with hot drinks. Having suffered with terrible pregnancy nausea, I would specifically check if a pregnant guest wanted something more substantial. I actually can't think of any friends or family who wouldn't do the same.

Never come across this. Quite the opposite actually. Even if you chose not to eat. They will invite you to the table and include you.

I would have been the same as you. I think a few swift crackers feels easier than asking for food! And I don’t think it’s morally repugnant!!!

For coming that distance I'd offer you cakes etc. Depending what time you arrived I'd probably offer a light lunch.

I am a feeder so I would shudder at the thought of any guest to my home not being well fed. I would have offered home-baked goodies, and snacks, and likely pressed them to stay for dinner. Might be cultural (or not) but I think basic courtesy, hospitality, reciprocity and generosity can be learned pretty darn quick.

Is sparkling water really something you 'crack out' only on special occasions?

YABU to be pregnant and to have had a "light lunch" instead of a proper lunch.

YABU to expect to be fed during a 2 hour visit.

YABU to have taken food from an open bag without asking. Why not just say you were hungry? Maybe they would have loved to go to the pub and had lunch with you.

If you were hungry after the drive (due to the light lunch) why not grab some food before landing on their doorstep?

Maybe knowing you had spent the previous month's too sick to travel they were wary of offering food in case it made you feel nauseous.

I would have offered cake and sandwiches. They knew you were coming and the distance you travelled, how strange of them. If you were a local friend who dropped in without invitation then I would only offer tea/coffee.

I used to live with a fellow student from NI. She once went to visit a classmate and was properly scandalized she wasn’t offered a biscuit with her tea!

I agree, OP. If you know people are traveling to visit you and they are making a 3-4 hour round trip to do so - so a 6 hour trip all in all - it’s hospitable to offer at least a biscuit or some cake. It’s about matching effort as much as anything.

Your friends were certainly not good hosts and were inconsiderate. As you were invited to their house, they certainly should have had served snacks. Though I don't know understand why you didn't go to the pub for a proper meal? Why were you so bothered whether they would turn up there? It would have been much better for you to eat a meal, rather than random snacks.

I advocated against in case they go out later, it would be super awkward if we stumbled upon them.

@Playdoughy I don't understand why this would be awkward. Why would you cut your nose off to spite your face?

To be fair if a friend is just popping round for a coffee I wouldn't have biscuits or cake to offer them as I don't keep them in the house. However, if someone was going to be driving a couple of hours to visit I would have baked. I wouldn't have offered anything more than that because I don't snack between meals and wouldn't expect anyone to be hungry if they had eaten lunch only two hours previously. I generally eat lunch at about 12 and my evening meal between 6 and 7. I'm not hungry before then.

I disagree that you'd be starving to the point of nausea after such a short length of time?

You aren't the OP so how can you be so sure of that @Iwiicit ?