AIBU to expect DH home before midnight

[ThatPithyZebra]

Objective opinions appreciated.

AIBU to expect DH home before midnight when he sees friends? Friend group meeting up and he will see them for at least 8 hours if he comes home earlier. I'm a SAHM and we have 2 kids under 2. He feels seeing friends for less than 3/4h is pointless. Once kids are asleep it's easy but it would be nice as it can disrupt our sleep as we are cosleeping too. I am self aware and realise part of my need is wanting to spend maybe 30 mins chatting to him before bed. Otherwise I won't see him until the next day, which is a work day.

Of course she could talk to him 35 mins a night on the other 6 days he isn't amount and it's equal amount of time

Right, and does she go out once a week getting pissed up stumbling home at whatever time she feels like? No, cos she would get called a bad mum. Yet, noone seems to think hes a bad father or partner?

She chooses not to. And I wouldn't call her a bad mum for it

She chooses not to because she is considerate of her children and her partners feelings and needs. She is the default parent and he is taking advantage of that, because she can do nothing about it.

A lot of people would.

So if you have a social life then you aren't considerate of your children's needs. Hmm

She's only the default parent because she allows it. And most probably wants it.

Of course he thinks that only seeing his friends for 3/4 hours is pointless, and would have still been seeing them for 8 hours even if he came home earlier, but that wasn't enough.

But OP, the one who birthed his second baby 3 months ago should be happy going almost 48 hours without some adult conversation and can just make it up by adding 5 minutes on the rest of the evenings, what a ridiculous comment.

8 hours??

So why can't she talk to other adults? Not just her husband.

What parenting does he do? Is he drinking when out to midnight?

Do you go to baby groups?

Will you be working once baby is older?

If your DH can’t look after his own two children on his own for any length of time, you have waaay bigger problems than him going out with friends op.

Haha ha haaaaaa. Come back to us when your DC are 16.

There's having a social life and there's leaving your 3 month postpartum wife to look after your 2 kids while you piss off out with your mates, coming back at 2 in the morning and calling it a 'social life'. Which is not only inconsiderate of your children's needs, but your partner's, too.

It's giving victim blaming. Are you her husband?

1. He needs to look after his own two kids at the same time: why is it too much for him, their his children? You do it all day, everyday, other dads do it?

2. it’s unreasonable to be waking up a co-sleeping baby after midnight, if he does come in later, then he needs to sleep on sofa/spare room. It’s not fair on you otherwise

3. you can’t give an adult a curfew. But depending on the person, when you have a little baby at home, you’d think a considerate partner and dad wouldn’t take the piss every week

This.

Needy? To want adult company and some support after coping with young kids alone for hours? Hardly.

Her husband is such a shite parent he cant even manage the youngest alone. Yet she's needy.

Sick to death of these stupid anti women posts on what is supposed to primarily be a support forum

You’re not his mum! 10pm is pushing it and I like an early night.

You needs friends to be out late with OP, then you won’t feel so miserable about it.

I wasn't talking about HIM. I was saying that she also has the choice to go out with friends if she chose to. And if she did it wouldn't mean she didn't care about her kids

And where does 2 in the morning come into it?

I don’t think it is anti women as such. The problem OP has is that she never has a minute to herself or any other adult company. She also has no intention of fixing it any time soon as she keeps saying ‘when the kids are older’. Good relationships don’t rely on both partners staying at home permanently. They should both have equal time off and time together to be a couple and not mum and dad.

Yea I think the midnight thing is a bit unreasonable, however, if it’s once a week, I think it’s actually unreasonable of him to do every week letting you parent a whole sat/sun by yourself every time!

family time matters and you should be able to relax some time too

I know it’s super easy to see this when you aren’t in the middle of it, but you’re worried about the wrong thing here. He should not have to come home to be your only moment to socialise with another adult. He also shouldn’t be leaving you for hours and hours every single week while you have two tiny children. There is literally no excuse for why he can’t look after his own children for a few hours. You do it every day and he presumably is a fully grown up adult. That’s totally ridiculous.

you need to leave the kids with him (unless EBF and then it’s trickier) and go find your own life. Join a club or a choir or gym class or anything really. Go read a book in a cafe for an afternoon. You’re going to burn out otherwise.

I hope you all get plenty of sleep tonight.

I’d be fuming if DH gave me a curfew so I wouldn’t put one on him no.. unless something VERY important

enough with the martyr card.

A mother can take a few hours for herself without having to feel guilty. It's not being considerate to resent everyone else having a life AND trying to stop your partner to go out ONCE A WEEK!

She's could meet friends, go to the gym, doing a painting class, I don't know, whatever she feels like. No one is stopping a mother to get out of the house for a couple of hours.

She has 2 tiny children. Unfortunately it's very common at this stage that new mums are quite isolated.

And even if she did have other people to have adult conversation with she may still want to have a chat with her husband every evening, that's perfectly normal.

I think you are living in a little bubble.

It's not chatting and time together that is weird, it's refusing to have ONE evening a week off!

If she is that desperate and only has her partner, then yes she's lonely and should start building friendships. It's not healthy to expect your husband (or wife) to be your only source of entertainment and your only social life.

Reverse it, a husband forbidding his wife to go out once a week because he needs to chat at bedtime.