Should friend reimburse me?

[101pongo]

fully prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable here but a few friends have disagreed so I’d like opinions!

a few months ago a friend asked if I’d like to attend an event with them at the other end of the country to where we live (think comic con type thing). I said I’d be interested in principle but dependant on cost. Friend then went ahead and booked tickets amounting to £150 each!!

I realise now that I should’ve at that stage said I didn’t agree to that price and I couldn’t go. However, I’m such a people pleaser that I just said fine whatever and paid for it. FWIW I’m on minimum wage so it’s a lot of money to me.

as times gone on I’ve just felt more and more like I don’t even want to go at all. I’ve seen who’s attending the event and they’re not really for me, plus I’d have to use my very limited annual leave to go which I don’t want to do either.

i messaged friend basically saying things are tight (not a lie) and that I can’t justify the time needed off work to go. The event is about 6 weeks away so I figured I have to say something now otherwise it’s too late as we’ll need to sort travel etc soon.

she replied and said she didn’t want the hassle of asking anyone else to go now so could I just go? I said not really please could she at least look into finding a replacement. After much back and forth on this she asked another friend who said she would go.

my Aibu is that she has said the friend will go with her but hasn’t said anything about actually buying the ticket. Her exact message was basically “x said she can go so all sorted”.

now part of me thinks i’ll just leave it bc the relief of not paying for travel and hotel or wasting holiday etc is worth it. However another friend said this isn’t fair and the friend who’s now going should absolutely buy the ticket. My issue is that my friend is very fickle and will likely fall out with me over this if I push too much.

should I ask for the money back? Or should I just be glad I’m not having to go?

She didn’t say yes, friend jumped the gun booked the Hamilton tickets at £150 a pop before OP confirmed.

You would have found that it was a lot more difficult to sell a single ticket to these sort of things, plus that would leave your friend in a really crappy position of either going alone (and paying full price for hotel room etc) or selling her ticket too and missing out

I know I’ve said before but for anything less than £50 I genuinely would’ve said please find someone to go for free! Plus if it was that last minute too.

My friend in question has always been quite tight (eg if we’re doing rounds of drinks she decides it’s time to go when it’s her round, I have to pester her for the money if I’ve said i’ll get dinner then everyone transfer me).

The thought did enter my head that the tickets weren’t even £150 and she just wanted some of her ticket price covered 🤣 but I think that’s perhaps a little harsh of me!

To answer another question, I don’t think she would keep the money someone else paid but honestly I’m not 100% sure!

No. I’m of the opinion that if you can’t go anymore, you need to work on the basis that are essentially giving the ticket away if you ask a friend to find someone else to go with them and payment would be nice to have!

You have both been a bit unreasonable here

Her for just buying the tickets when you specifically said from the start you would like to go but ‘depending on cost’

You for not saying as soon as she told you it was £150 ‘wow, that’s too much’ and leaving it so late

As she texted she would see if anyone could BUY your ticket, you would presume they have BOUGHT it

I would text back ‘thank you - so pleased you got someone to buy it and hope you both have a fabulous time. My bank details are…’

You've both been a bit annoying here but I'd message
"Hi, I hope you enjoy the show. What arrangement did you come to with friend about money?"

This was all on the friend from the beginning. First she went ahead and committed £150 of OP's money without asking her and even now, OP is likely to be out of pocket purely because the friend wants somebody she knows to accompany her, rather than going alone.

On the open market, OP's ticket is now worth at least what she paid for it - so what's stopping her from selling to the highest bidder, or at least somebody paying her the face value? Especially considering her reason for not going is that she can't afford it and needs her money back.

The friend should either allow OP to sell her ticket to whomever she wants; or otherwise she should buy it from her herself - and then it's hers to pass on to another friend and whatever that friend does/doesn't pay her for it is entirely a matter between them.

Maybe she should have checked if OP was willing and able to pay the price before she jumped right in and forced her hand?

I'm amazed at how many people on this thread seem to think that it's perfectly fine for somebody to arbitrarily make a significant purchasing decision on somebody else's behalf - and then that it's incumbent on that person who has now been handed a debt to simply either pay it or apologetically and awkwardly decline to do so ASAP (to somebody who has already proven themselves not to be a respecter of other people's basic boundaries and may cavil at this rather than accepting the consequences of them overstepping).

So OP has a ticket that she's paid for, which is currently worth at least the £150 thar she paid for it (without being asked first)... and she's expected to just give it away to the friend who overstepped in the first place?

I know the amounts involved are very different, but this is just reminding me of the bonkers thread where the OP was told that she should give away her house to the people who had been previously renting it - on the basis that they wanted it - rather than offering it for sale to somebody who was actually willing and able to pay its value to buy it!

I agree if she had raised that at the time. But the OP says that she didn’t say anything and went ahead and paid for the ticket, which obviously indicated to her friend that she was happy to go ahead at that price. She can’t change her mind again months later