Should friend reimburse me?

[101pongo]

fully prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable here but a few friends have disagreed so I’d like opinions!

a few months ago a friend asked if I’d like to attend an event with them at the other end of the country to where we live (think comic con type thing). I said I’d be interested in principle but dependant on cost. Friend then went ahead and booked tickets amounting to £150 each!!

I realise now that I should’ve at that stage said I didn’t agree to that price and I couldn’t go. However, I’m such a people pleaser that I just said fine whatever and paid for it. FWIW I’m on minimum wage so it’s a lot of money to me.

as times gone on I’ve just felt more and more like I don’t even want to go at all. I’ve seen who’s attending the event and they’re not really for me, plus I’d have to use my very limited annual leave to go which I don’t want to do either.

i messaged friend basically saying things are tight (not a lie) and that I can’t justify the time needed off work to go. The event is about 6 weeks away so I figured I have to say something now otherwise it’s too late as we’ll need to sort travel etc soon.

she replied and said she didn’t want the hassle of asking anyone else to go now so could I just go? I said not really please could she at least look into finding a replacement. After much back and forth on this she asked another friend who said she would go.

my Aibu is that she has said the friend will go with her but hasn’t said anything about actually buying the ticket. Her exact message was basically “x said she can go so all sorted”.

now part of me thinks i’ll just leave it bc the relief of not paying for travel and hotel or wasting holiday etc is worth it. However another friend said this isn’t fair and the friend who’s now going should absolutely buy the ticket. My issue is that my friend is very fickle and will likely fall out with me over this if I push too much.

should I ask for the money back? Or should I just be glad I’m not having to go?

if you don’t get the money back, you might as well have gone yourself. You told her you couldn’t go as things are tight atm, so she does know.

I voted YABU because you need to learn to speak up. Knowing you're a people pleaser doesn't mean that's a ready excuse to pull out every time it's convenient, it means now you know and you need to do something about it. Once you start standing up for yourself and saying no it gets easier and easier and saying no doesn't mean you have to fight or be rude, a simple no this doesn't work for me, that's it.

You had so many opportunities to speak up and kept "avoiding conversation" until now. Yes she is unreasonable to give the ticket to her friend without the option for you to get a refund but the other thing to consider is what happens if the friend says he/she didn't want to be pay then you're back at square one.

I think this depends if the replacement person paid the organizer for the ticket as well as the drop out person.

If the replacement did pay then that money belongs to the person who originally paid for the ticket. In your case the ill person. Otherwise you have been paid twice for the same ticket.

However, if the ticket wasn’t sold on then obviously the drop out wouldn’t receive anything.

No organiser should profit from double sell of a ticket.

What about:

Im.glad you've found someone to buy/use the ticket... Rather than me finding someone who is a stranger to you.

As you know, the reason I can't go is cost, tbh I was surprised when you'd already booked it without me explicitly agreeing! t.. So I'd appreciate your friend reimbursing me a large part of the ticket price.

OP

You need to full out ask her if she has received money for your ticket.

it would be outrageous for f her to a. Let money twice for a ticket from two different people. Effectively, that ticket belongs to you as you paid for it. So if she had re-sold it she needs to give you the money.

No organiser should make a profit from friends.

If she hasn’t received money for it then fair enough you can’t expect anything.

just politely ask her outright.

This... I would have thought 6 weeks is plenty of time... Especially there may be folk interested living much closer to venue.

If it's sold out - ask 150.if not - what about 125...makes a reasonable reduction

she just need to keep it simple.

Hi friend. I am glad you found someone to go with to X event. Please could you let me know what she has paid you for my ticket and if you could pass the money on to me I’d really appreciate it. I know she may not have paid full price but I also know you won’t want to take any money twice for the same ticket. If it’s easier please send her details to me and I can liaise directly with her.

So it's Hamilton! I'd deffo either ask for full/nearly full cost

OR ticket returned to you so you could resell

I've bought sold out resale tickets at really short notice.. Less than 24 hours😃...

Were you going to keep two payments for the same ticket? 😮

It sounds like you’re not getting your money back. I’d probably chalk it up to experience and realise you should have been more assertive in asking for cost before purchase, or told her straight away you cannot afford £150 and she should have checked with you first before buying. Now she’s had to find someone else last minute and often that does mean offering it to them for free, especially if they need to pay for travel and hotel in London which is £££.

OP said it’s going to cost her a lot more to go with hotel in London and train ticket, hence she didn’t want to just go if couldn’t get money back.

I'd be really annoyed if I asked someone to go to an event, they said yes, I booked the tickets @£300 and they then backed out a couple of weeks later.

You should suck it up. Next time, think about things a bit more and be really clear with your communications.

Send your friend a huge thank you for sorting out your change of circumstance. In the same text say that you are happy to sell your ticket to new friend at a discount.

Ask your friend her opinion on a price that would be fair.

Accept the outcome. Again thank your friend and send her a reminder of your bank details.

Wait for refund.
If not forthcoming message after concert to ask how it was combined with a reminder.

People seem to have missed that first you only said yes depending on cost, and then you asked if anyone would BUY your ticket! Not take, use , etc.

If I got a ticket to Hamilton I would not expect to pay nothing towards it.
Just ask.

Oh yes, if these are Hamilton tickets it's a completely different situation. They have a resale value so unless your friend has booked a non refundable hotel/train ticket then both tickets should be sold, or the new friend pay you face value. Don't be a pushover OP.

No. You've messed her about. This is really on you.

If someone said to me "I've a spare ticket to event because someone's bailed out." I may go just because it's better than sitting at home. Doesn't mean I'm willing to spend 150 quid on the ticket.

You're putting someone else, who has agreed to accompany your friend in an awkward position of having to say they don't want to go if they have to pay.

If you were going alone and had bought a ticket you wouldn't be able to get a refund. You could try to sell your ticket but often they don't sell unless it's a big sell out event. Just because you were going with someone else doesn't mean they're responsible for giving you a refund.

People sometimes give tickets away for free when they don't want to go to things anymore, so you need to be explicit about wanting the £150 from the friend who's agreed to go. Clear, polite and as soon as possible.

It’s time just to be honest i think.

Send a message saying you’re glad she has foind someone, say you’d be grateful if she is can send you the money by next month and give your bakk details.

If your friend says no, then you be honest with her and say you’re sorry for not speaking up sooner but it’s been worrying you in terms of cost as she booked it without telling you the price and you felt obligated to go along with it but it was the wrong decision on your part.

If she still says no, then ask her to resell them.

There is nothing more annoying than someone who agrees to go to something, then backs out. Being a people pleaser not only inconveniences you, but other too. I say that as a PP too.

It is half of one and 6 of the other TBH. It is crap going somewhere alone when the other has bailed. She has probably given the ticket away to get the company.

I'd ask her if her friend gave her any money for it, but if she did, I doubt it is the whole lot.

I agree with something like this.

If it is ComicCon you would have no trouble selling your ticket online. If it's much more obscure event that would never sell out maybe a different situation. But I would still ask, seeing as she was twisting your arm to try to get you to go in the first place (by booking tix without your confirnation).

She doesn't sound like a nice friend so as other posters have mentioned, maybe it's no bad thing to finally fall out over this.

@101pongo is she cheeky enough to have asked new companion for ticket money and still hang onto your money too?

Of course, the replacement did not pay, I wouldn't dream of keeping money in that situation.

Of course not! She text to say she was ill and couldn't make it a few hours before and said she hoped I could find someone else to go, I managed to and told my other friend I had a spare ticket. Then she text half an hour before the show and asked if I had found someone and I said yes and then she asked for the money! It was only about £20 but I just thought it was really off and of course I did not ask my second friend for any money so I ended up giving her her money back and paying for my own. She's actually quite a tight person so this is in line with how she has behaved with other situations. She once offered me a spare ticket she had for a show and asked me for the money for that too! I politely declined.

I wouldn't expect to be reimbursed for all of the cost, but some of the cost is not unreasonable.

I think seeing as she booked them without properly checking on you then she should either pay you back or give you the ticket to resell. Had you agreed properly to the ticket then my answer would be different.

Oh sorry JJKate

yes you shouldn’t have had to give her the money back then.