Should friend reimburse me?

[101pongo]

fully prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable here but a few friends have disagreed so I’d like opinions!

a few months ago a friend asked if I’d like to attend an event with them at the other end of the country to where we live (think comic con type thing). I said I’d be interested in principle but dependant on cost. Friend then went ahead and booked tickets amounting to £150 each!!

I realise now that I should’ve at that stage said I didn’t agree to that price and I couldn’t go. However, I’m such a people pleaser that I just said fine whatever and paid for it. FWIW I’m on minimum wage so it’s a lot of money to me.

as times gone on I’ve just felt more and more like I don’t even want to go at all. I’ve seen who’s attending the event and they’re not really for me, plus I’d have to use my very limited annual leave to go which I don’t want to do either.

i messaged friend basically saying things are tight (not a lie) and that I can’t justify the time needed off work to go. The event is about 6 weeks away so I figured I have to say something now otherwise it’s too late as we’ll need to sort travel etc soon.

she replied and said she didn’t want the hassle of asking anyone else to go now so could I just go? I said not really please could she at least look into finding a replacement. After much back and forth on this she asked another friend who said she would go.

my Aibu is that she has said the friend will go with her but hasn’t said anything about actually buying the ticket. Her exact message was basically “x said she can go so all sorted”.

now part of me thinks i’ll just leave it bc the relief of not paying for travel and hotel or wasting holiday etc is worth it. However another friend said this isn’t fair and the friend who’s now going should absolutely buy the ticket. My issue is that my friend is very fickle and will likely fall out with me over this if I push too much.

should I ask for the money back? Or should I just be glad I’m not having to go?

Realise you probably can’t / won’t say but what is the gig that the ticket is so expensive ?
totally depends how it been worded by your friend , chances are she hasn’t mentioned money at all.
I wouldn’t expect any money back for something I couldn’t attend but then I’d be really angry that someone had booked it on my behalf without checking ,
I can’t see an easy way around this though OP

This is a tricky one but I think you just have to leave it and look on it as at least you’ve saved the hotel/travel money.

Bit shit of you to drop out at quite short notice after you agreed.

I think asking for the full ticket price is cheeky. I’d ask for half. It’s likely the friend she is taking is going with her as a favour. If you ask for £150, they are likely to drop out and your friend will be out of pocket.

MN is full of CF stories where the CF gets away with it because they know that they've made it so awkward that a non-CF will not know how to respond, and will often be speechless and disbelieving at what just happened.

Yes, it's great if you can pull them up on it; but even if you can't, it's still never the fault of the person who has been taken advantage of - and neither are they 'letting down' the person who has taken advantage of them if they do later manage to resist being taken advantage of.

Considering that the friend thought that £150 was such a piffling little amount that she didn't even think it worth a quick message to confirm with OP if she was happy/able to pay it, surely she can easily pay it back to OP herself. Either £150 is peanuts to you or otherwise it's a significant amount of money to you; it cannot be both.

I agree with this. The friend coming in your place may have been told it was a free ticket, and she is incurring travel/hotel costs. I think you might just have to accept the loss.

Ask for ALL the money back - it’s not different from getting a refund from the venue

I hadn’t really wanted to say as it could be outing, but I suppose the person probably won’t even see. It’s Hamilton in the West End when a specific actor is performing. Was very popular and sold out, so in theory would be easy to sell my ticket etc. I live in Yorkshire so not easy to get to london and is all v expensive etc.

Yes this , I would assume travel costs and hotel in London is going to cost £150 at least again so your ‘ replacement ‘ is already forking out a substantial amount , and more than likely wouldn’t go if was going to be double IYSWIM .

i do get that! I think I’m a little bit frustrated with the lack of openness to be honest now that I think about it. If my friend had said “so and so can come, but she isn’t willing to pay anything” or whatever then I’d have at least known where I stand to say I’m fine with it. It’s the fact she hasn’t mentioned it that I think is a little unfair

"great stuff, thanks for selling my ticket!, I hope you two have fun. Here's my bank details for them to pay me the £150"

Defo ask for the money back! Plenty of time left still to sort. I’d phrase it something like, “so glad you've found a
replacement thank you! Here are my bank details for them to send the £150 over. Assuming they’re paying for it? If that’s a problem let me know and we can work something out. So sorry for the hassle. I wasn’t sure I could afford it in the first place, so after you went ahead and booked I should have said something! Hope you both have a brilliant time and thanks for sorting X coming instead. See you soon!” Or something like that.

Oh jeez defo ask for your money!! Hamilton is a piece of piss to resell tickets wise. Particularly with six weeks notice. To be honest I think your original friend is taking you for a ride. It sounds like she wants to see it and just booked you in. Defo don’t let the cost of their night in the theatre be passed onto you. I’d just say “so glad you’ve found someone to buy the ticket! Here are my bank details. So sorry I couldn’t really afford to go this time but I really hope you both have a great time”. I think she’s trying it on by saying “it’s sorted”. Who knows her friend might have even paid her for the ticket as its Hamilton and she might be having a freebie on you (not saying she is btw! more that she doesn’t sound the most respectful towards yo by not waiting for your confirmation), so I would 100% ask her to pay. And not a reduced amount. Just straight up “at cost”. I know so many folks locally who sell tickets at cost, and for something like Hamilton there would be zero problem selling on that ticket. Fair enough reduce it if its just before or something not that popular but you’d defo get the cost back on this. Don’t be a push over! Get your £ back and save it or buy something nice or something. It’s a lot to write off and I’m sure the person buying eould be happy to pay it if its a show they want to see and make the trip for.

Is it just a trip for two of you? That's awkward to change plans on. However, she did go ahead and book without checking at the start.

How about texting 'How much is Sarah able to give me for the ticket?' That opens up the idea that she ought to pay you but maybe not the full amount.

I think your friend hasn't mentioned the money because she's annoyed with you. That's understandable to a point but not really on. So ask.

OP, I think it’s a bit rich for you to be annoyed about a lack of openness given you’re in this predicament specifically because a) you were not open about not wanting to go, and then b) were pretty unfair to your friend by telling her you don’t want to go weeks after you agreed! That’s some brass neck you’ve got there.

Chalk it up to experience and use it as a valuable lesson in speaking up and not being such a doormat.

Then message friend and give her your bank details. And thank her for finding someone who wanted to buy the ticket herself since you would have put an ad out yourself if not. Then wait and see.

Anyway you need to grow some back bone- your friend clearly does not respect you or she wouldn't have just flat out bought the tickets counting on you being to afraid to say no.

This is exactly right. If you wanted to SELL your ticket, it’s your responsibility to do so. I’ve been in this situation and just said “do you know anyone who would like to buy the ticket? Otherwise I’ll sell online”

you’ve basically committed to something, then ditched her.

ask her to get the money from her friend for you.

I do get what you mean, but I was open to going I just didn’t think it would cost so much! I agree that I should’ve said sooner though. I think I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s tough luck now, but as I said I’d rather she’d said she can ask someone to come but it would be for free given it’s last minute, then at least I’d know where I’m at!

thinking about it perhaps we both need to improve communication in different ways but there we go 🤷🏻‍♀️

as others have said, I know Hamilton tickets are easy to sell, so I guess I’m just a little frustrated that if I had my own ticket I’d definitely get the money back. I appreciate that she doesn’t want to go on her own though and I do get that I’ve been awkward in letting her down. Anyway I’m going in circles now 🤣

So if the other friend 'only' paid you £150, she'd still be getting a bargain - if the tickets are all sold out and are now selling at considerably more than face value. Surely it's not normal to expect a now-premium ticket for free?

Tell your friend that you advertised your ticket online as 'provisionally available - all offers considered' - and you had a load of people clamouring to pay you more than twice the price for it; oddly enough, the highest bids were all from celebrities: Piers Morgan, Katie Hopkins and Nigel Farage were all desperate... but if her new friend can only afford to give you the face value, you'll be willing to bear that significant loss.

Sell both tickets. You get your money back, she doesn’t have to go on her own, she won’t do it again and you won’t do it again

Nah you definitely should get your money back. All of it. Your friend was out of order in the first place buying the ticket without the ok from you.
”hi friend, just to be clear- xxxx is happy to pay me for my ticket, right? Money is tight and I never agreed to spend so much in the first place. If she isn’t I’m afraid I’ll have to sell it online through a resale site to recoup some money. Sorry for any crossed wires.”
done.

If I was the friend drafted in because you dropped Out, unless it was a ticket for something that I was really wanting to go to in the first place and hadn't managed to get them, I'd be pretty annoyed to be asked to be asked to pay for something I was only going to as a favour . I imagine your friend said I've got a spare ticket will you come with me. I'dtake it as a lesson to speak up at the time you can do something. You didn't and this is the result.

If expect about half the price of the ticket. But also it didn’t need to be sold to someone who knew your friend. I would have tried to find a buyer for the ticket myself.
So text her and say ‘great you found someone to buy my ticket, shall I send you my bank details? I don’t expect the full price but I think half (or whatever) is reasonable’. Boom.

I think it was up to the friend to find someone she would like to go with, not OP, OP couldn't find someone and just foist them on the pal

But you have paid her in full for the ticket, so she should be sending it to you to sell on if thats what you want to do.

You sound a bit scared of her. What is she normally like?