AIBU to think that geography is not the big differentiator people think on here?

[MasterBeth]

Just seen a post on another thread where someone explains their behaviour at kids parties by saying something like "Of course, I live in a town, not a city, where behaviour is very different."

I also remember someone saying "But then I'm Welsh, and we love our Mams very much "

And people explaining why they leave their front doors unlocked "as I live in a village."

AIBU to think that none of these things are dependent on geography and you can behave at a party, love your mum or leave you door locked or unlocked wherever you live?

No, I'm not changing the parameters of the question like you suggest.

I didn't have kids in every place I've lived. But the example given in the other thread was around "the expectation of whether or not parents would stay at a nursery party" and the poster's sense that this would alter "whether you lived in a town or a city". Having lived in both towns and cities, I call bullshit. This will depend entirely on the friendship group involved, not geography.

Also, I have always locked the doors wherever I have lived. This again says more about the individual than where they live. Of course, crime rates differ in different places, but you can get burgled anywhere.

It matters when it’s the difference between Irish people and English/ Scottish/ Welsh people. There are significant cultural differences.
The main difference I see, however, is to do with “class”. The people around me have very different attitudes to what I see on here because they come from a very different background. So, sometimes I just have to accept that a lot of the things I read on here, I just can’t relate to for this reason.

The mum thing is stupid, obviously, but it also isn't a gotcha for you winning the whole argument. Social geography is an academic area, there are clearly differences. My SILs village pretty much only has birthday parties in the town hall, they are quite samey and lovely. I'm in a city and there are different expectations "they did go karting for Leo's birthday, water park for Sam's, maybe trampolining will feel different enough to be special."

It isn't a clear cause and effect, people gravitate to areas they feel at home.

No, I have not been confused any of this.

The people who post that the way they behave is because they live in "a town" are confused by this.

What you have written I would broadly agree with.

The door locking is definitely a thing.
I lived in a city where you locked and bolted doors.
Then a town where they were locked.
Now in a village where they’re left unlocked all day and only locked at night.

<this is whilst being at home, of course>

Despite all the efforts of big tech and people such as Donald Trump to make us all behave and think like some parts of the U.S, we are not all the same.

The urban and rural differences within England, never mind elsewhere, are significant.

Sorry, you lost me at "the village only have parties at the town hall"...

Yes, of course. Social geography. A sophisticated combination of status/income/culture/history/ethnicity.

Not "people in the city behave like this". People in the city behave in thousands of different ways depending on who they are.

But there are geographical issues that affect behaviours as well. Eg in a setting where travelling to a party could take most guests an hour, staying rather than travelling home then back would be more likely and then become the norm and so the expectation would be that parents would stay and look after their dcs at a party, not the host family.

Or if the geography of the school intake meant most parents drove their dcs to school, not walked, the parents are less likely to know each other and as such, not feel as comfortable leaving their dcs alone at the party with the host family.

geography can effect local norms, but cultures are different across the country.

Agree with you to an extent but why wouldn’t it be a cultural norm for a whole group to say ‘mums are queens here’. It doesn’t mean saying that they all love their mums more, or anyone from anywhere else doesn’t, but clearly there are cultures where mum as the respected head of the household is more of a ‘thing’. That’s what I’d take from a saying like ‘the Welsh love their mams’.

City dwellers do live differently to village/rural dwellers though, regardless of who they are as people. We all adapt to our surroundings.

Dodgepots! great word.

I’ve taught in urban schools and rural schools. I would say the children are different. In wee rural schools, a high proportion of the children live on farms and tend to be outside playing unsupervised in a way that simply doesn’t happen in cities.

I lived for a few years in London and Reading and now live in a village, the two are very different. I never knew any of my neighbours even just by sight in London or Reading, where i live now I know most of the village and if i don't know them well then i know them by sight. My door locks automatically when you shut it but my neighbour never locks her door. I would not have dreamt of leaving my door unlocked in London or Reading. No one said hello to anyone in London/Reading, here people say hello to everyone. I find the culture completely different.

However i also have relatives in Wales and i have to say the sense of community I find there is something that I haven't seen anywhere that I've lived in England. People there seem to look out for each other much more - but maybe it's a class thing as they are in a working class area. They are all very close to their mums as well tbf - compared to me at least as I moved several hours away! It's an up and coming area though and it wouldn't surprise me if things changed in time.

I'm with you, OP. You didn't say there's no difference between life in Shoreditch and a remote village - you're saying some posters overstate the difference, whereas people act like people everywhere!

I'm a bugger for leaving my front door unlocked. I've been burgled once (so far, touch wood) and the door was locked. I've lived in flats, bedsits and houses, in crowded cities and tiny villages.

The small, moribund market town I now call home is very cliquey. Most residents grew up here, live round the corner from their parents and married a school friend. Because of this, it's way less friendly than London but you try telling the locals that! Life is slower here, though, and they think a traffic jam is seven cars waiting for the lights to change.

No idea if pre-school kids' party etiquette differs. Pretty sure the ratio of people loving/hating their mothers is the same everywhere.

I've lived all over the UK in rural, village, town and city areas. There are different social norms because of geography. My London friend for example was outraged that my rural sister was looking for a house with three parking spaces. Apparently they should use public transport even though there is no public transport and they have 3 adults in the house who all work full time in different locations up to 50 miles away.

On the kids party thread there were a few of us Londoners saying that a family of four rocking up to a preschool birthday party would generally be completely fine - the majority disagreed however. I don't know why this geographical disparity might exist but have a few guesses. In my area of London which has high levels of multiculturalism (lots of Iranian, Indian, Bangladeshi and Jewish people), welcoming people into your home, feeding them, being a good host and encouraging bonds between families is a social norm - regardless of the size of your place. Many people are incomers (from within and outside the UK) so are keen to build networks and relationships. On the other hand, in the rural area where I come from it would also be accepted because there are lots of big families, everyone knows each other and there aren't a lot of opportunities for socialising. Perhaps in suburban areas and big towns where social norms are more formal it might be considered very rude IDK.

Yes, I agree that individual circumstances affect outcomes, but none of your travel examples are dependent on whether you live in a town, a village or a city. In fact, I'm not sure which geographies you think match your categories.

It might take a long time to travel rurally because public transport is poor, distances are long. Or it might take a long time to travel in a city because it's crowded and congested.

Or it might be really easy to get to a village party because everyone can walk to the church hall. But that might be exactly the same in a dense city neighbourhood.

So I am not arguing that geography has no impact on people's lives, but more that when people make broad generalisations about what life in village, city or town is like, they are conflating their own personal experience and generalising in a way that is inaccurate and unhelpful.

Broad generalisations are never going to be entirely accurate though are they. That's why they are a generalisation.

It's less about inherently loving or not loving family, just that families are more/less enmeshed and involved in different cultures. A lot of my irish friends and family see their parents daily talk to them multiple times a day. Doesnt mean they love them more than my friends in SE of England but it does look different.

How are we different, LlynTegid?

If you go out leaving your doors unlocked and windows open, you will not be covered by insurance wherever you live.

On a Home Counties farm in the 60s, my grandparents never locked the back door, the local grocer used to leave the order on the kitchen table if they were out. However, the gun cupboard was always locked and padlocked.

My house is gated, the road is gated, the house is alarmed and has lights and CCTV. It is in a naice area. There is no way we'd go to bed without locking up.

I've lived in London and rurally. I find London more friendly.

Culture makes the difference, not the geography.

Culture does change around the country and around the globe! Children did behave differently where I used to live (midlands city) to now, small sw town - I can’t speak for small kids parties but the youngsters from about 10 here are very free to roam around, hanging out but very polite, you didn’t let them in the city. Dropping off at parties I’m told is the norm from 5 but is different elsewhere

Then that's the correct way to frame it, not "because I'm Welsh, I love my mum."

The door locking example doesn't work.

I used to live remotely on the side of a mountain and the doors were unlocked most the time whether we were in our out (unless we were out for the full day or overnight). But logically there weren't many people passing for opportunistic thieving and if someone was determined to rob us they could break through the door undisturbed anyway if they'd bothered to travel there to break-in.

The other examples, i think there are differences with city kids and rural kids. I don't remotely trust DD 8 with busy traffic, but she's been swimming in lakes with me since she was a baby, and therefore i find some of the 'open water swimming' drama on here OTT.

But behaviour at a kids party is down to how kids are parentsed and there are plenty of scroaty kids in small villages!

The mum comment is just weird but there are weird people in cities and the countryside the world over.

Sorry op, but to be blunt you’re talking rubbish. Geography is the absolute determinant of human civilization, through history and across the globe. Even now, despite what people think, if tech takes on the Atlantic Ocean my money is on the ocean. Mother Earth (or Ocean) will win every time.

Ed - and culture matters.

There are certainly regional differences in attitudes to all sorts of things: leaving your house or car unlocked is possibly very normal in a small rural community but would be considered insane in London or Birmingham. People's attitudes to strangers vary a great deal between large cities and small towns.

That said, I do think this is very often politicised (on here and elsewhere). There are an awful lot of threads full of mindless, offensive stereotypes (such as "Northerners are friendly, Southerners are cold") which people trot out as if they were scientifically validated. Most of these stereotypes have a grain of truth in them but people rarely stop to consider why they come into play or what the nuances are.

For example the idea that Londoners are rude: if you live and work in London you will likely come across tens or hundreds of people in a given day. It's simply not possible to acknowledge every individual you pass on the underground or on your way to work or in your large office or workplace. If you work part time in a rural shop it's much easier to acknowledge people.

But the flip side to this is that Londoners are often much more tolerant of difference and diversity. You are far less likely to get people gossiping about someone's background or their family setup in inner London.

It's swings and roundabouts: regional differences are relevant but they are rarely the simple cause and effect that people attribute to them.