AIBU to think that geography is not the big differentiator people think on here?

[MasterBeth]

Just seen a post on another thread where someone explains their behaviour at kids parties by saying something like "Of course, I live in a town, not a city, where behaviour is very different."

I also remember someone saying "But then I'm Welsh, and we love our Mams very much "

And people explaining why they leave their front doors unlocked "as I live in a village."

AIBU to think that none of these things are dependent on geography and you can behave at a party, love your mum or leave you door locked or unlocked wherever you live?

Well yes you can, and the mum comment is especially stupid, but there is some truth that different places as geographies having different behaviour and crime rates.

i think different areas have their own norms/cultures.
And children in cities, towns and villages will have different types of childhoods due to their locations.

Of course you do all those things if you’re a decent minded person and not fallen out with your mum , but I admit that everywhere I’ve lived I’ve always locked up my front and back doors. I suppose people who live rurally or in the middle of nowhere might not, but I am very aware that where I live break ins happen and you need to be safe. So my reason for doing this is because of where I live and it’s a precaution against being burgled and most people do lock up their homes.

Our village had a spate of dodgepots roaming around, being shifty and trying doors. Husband and I had a falling out because he insisted I was being OTT by keeping the door locked when we are in.

I frequently leave my doors unlocked when I go out. But not on purpose 😂

I think those kinds of generalisations are often made by people without much life experience outside their particular place, but who have grabbed onto something they think is key to somewhere/some identity and run with it.

I’ve lived in lots of places, including an island where I was the only human inhabitant, but having previously lived in an averagely skeezy bit of London, I am so used to automatically locking my door, I couldn’t not do it.

My main observations on big city vs village life in England were that people dressed entirely differently — in London, you dress for getting on and off public transport and walking, while carrying whatever you need. The village I moved to afterwards was so car-dependent people were only outdoors on a working day to walk to their car from the front door. And my particular village was so insular that pretty much everyone had always known one another, and weren’t used to introducing themselves.

I agree to some extent especially the Mam thing etc but locking doors is sometimes based on geography. I used to live a few streets back from the main street of bars and clubs in a city. Out front door opened directly on to the pavement. We had more than one occasion of random drinks people walking in whilst we were home. So the door got locked immediately on coming in. Now we live in a very quiet suburb down a very quiet cul de sac with a very long drive. We only lock the door when we go out or go to bed not while we are in the house.

We get a spate of car and bicycle thefts and breaks ins , but it’s mostly anti social behaviour that is ruining our town at the moment. It normally ramps up over the holidays.
I find that more worrying as people will avoid the town and it’s nice park area as they can’t behave and can be intimidating.

Of course geography can be a big differential. I regularly see threads about people getting drunk when they were teens or early 20s, going clubbing etc. If you like in a large town or city, yes.

If you lived in a rural setting as I did, school was 14 miles away. The nearest club 20. Public transport was sketchy and after 7 pm non existent. Most of my school friends lived nowhere near me.

Totally different childhood/teenage hood to those living in a large town or city. All due to geography. Job opportunities similarly.

Well, obviously geography makes a difference in matters of geography!

"There are more job opportunities in central London than on a remote Scottish island." No shit!

But does it make you love your mum more or behave differently at a kids birthday party?

Yes I think it can make a difference in how you behave at a kid's party but it's down to how the geography affects the demographic in that area.

In a small village you are more likely to have known the other parents and kids for years and probably know the grandparents as well. You are therefore more likely to either drop and run as you feel safe leaving your child in their care or on the other hand stay and chat to the other parents who you know well.

In a large inner city area you are less likely to know the other parents, the kids in your child's class will change more regularly and there could also be a more diverse mix of languages and cultures. The means you are probably more likely not to drop and run but also when you stay socialising with the adults won't be as easy and you may stay but not really interact that much with the other parents particularly if there is a language barrier.

I just leave this here.... it's obviously large scale, but it would work on a smaller more localised scale as well.

https://eandtbooks.com/books/prisoners-of-geography-4/

I was the same, but grew up in a semi rural setting on the outskirts of a city. Nothing behind our house except hills, fields and cows. The school my parents sent me to was 10 miles away so socialising with my friends outside of school hours was not possible without sleepovers. So getting drunk going to pubs etc was not really part of my teen years.

I can see why SOME people would think so, yes. If you live in a small village, fewer things to do, spend more time at home with your mum. Somewhere larger, more friends, more things to do, you're out more, spend less time at home with your mum.

And, from having friends who grew up in cities and others who grew up rural, I do see differences in behaviours or attitudes.

Well the crime rates differ & insurance costs are based on that. I work in an inner city dodgy part of town & live in a nice village a few miles out of town. Where I work there are some very dodgy people roaming around & this is not the case where I live. So it feels safer. House prices also differ.

I think that there might be the same issues in cities regardless of location. So Liverpool, Newcastle, Bristol, Cardiff, Birmingham would likely have similar issues. But there will be definitely different behaviours & problems if you compare Liverpool to a leafy village on the outskirts.

I think geography does shape behaviour in some ways. Human nature is essentially the same the world over, but cultural and societal norms definitely change depending where you are and who is around you.

@MasterBeth out of curiosity have you lived in a diverse range of locations? I find people who have only ever lived in one sort of area (not necessarily exact location but always a village/small town etc) don't fully realise the difference it can make to how people behave and what is considered normal.

Yes, I have.

Doing so didn't alter how much I love my mum.

I can see where your coming from, but my late in laws lived and worked in East London and they said that in the 30s and 40s you could leave your doors unlocked as nobody had much to steal. They also lived through the blitz as well! It’s definitely not that like that now , most places are not like that but then I’ve never lived anywhere that safe to be honest. I always lock the doors snd the car. It must be lovely to be completely safe , but I bet it’s quite rare.

I grew up in a small town in the west of Scotland, I moved to a city for uni and after got a customer facing job, 5 years later I got a transfer back to my home area and worked in same job for 5 years. I could not believe the difference in the customers only an hour down the road and everything was so different attitude and interaction wise. I don’t think the I love my mum more thing is right but I will say there is a difference with the way families interact.

Ok so we seem to have got down from the initial premise that there is no difference in locking doors, behaviour at parties and loving your mum to there just being no difference in how much you love your mum which I would agree with.

I’d say it’s more about culture than geography, but geography CAN matter.

Gosh, you're very hung up on the mum loving bit aren't you?

How have you got to adulthood without being able to dismiss a silly comment for being a silly comment?

AIBU to think that none of these things are dependent on geography and you can behave at a party, love your mum or leave you door locked or unlocked wherever you live?

I hope these ^^ are not serious questions because if they are, it's very odd.

@MasterBeth- I think you’ve confused geography with regional /local culture.

There are vast differences in cultural norms and attitudes within the UK and across Europe. It is not geography that’s the issue, it’s the culture you were raised in and what is normal to you.

EG in some parts of the UK children being poorly behaved is tolerated more than others. In some areas of towns there are subcultures that allow children make more noise than in others, where other adults will judge you for not quietening your dcs and as such children learn to be quieter in public.

There are some sub cultures and communities where women’s roles are respected more, mothers are treated better because their importance and that if you talk disrespectfully about your mum or are treating her badly, you will be negatively judged by your peers.

Humans are social animals and learn quickly to fit in. If everyone around you is a strict parent or a relaxed parent you’ll often just fit in without being conscious of doing that. If being an attentive adult child to your parent is the norm, you’ll do it.

Of course not- but if you’ve lived in an area where it’s normal to default to your mother’s opinions and not doing so was seen as a sign you didn’t love her, then you moved to somewhere that it was normal for adult children to make their own decisions about raising their dcs and arranging their lives, you might act in a way that to your old community looked like you loved your mum less when you stopped obeying her advice and making your own choices.

You wouldn’t actually love your mum any less, but your behaviour might be like that of someone in the old community that didn’t love their mum.