to think older age is no excuse for sexism, racism and misogyny?

[taaay]

I have several older family members (75+) who frequently make comments that I find quite offensive.

Examples include saying that women do not cook these days, that children are badly behaved because mothers rush back to work, making negative comments about non white doctors, nurses and hospital staff, and suggesting that a husband leaving his wife is understandable if she gained weight after having children or did not give him enough attention.

Whenever these views are challenged, the response is usually along the lines of "it's their generation" or "they are old fashioned".

I understand that attitudes were different decades ago, but I struggle with the idea that age somehow excuses prejudice. Plenty of people from the same generation manage to treat women and people from different backgrounds with respect.

I am not expecting everyone to have the same opinions, but I do think there is a difference between having traditional views and making derogatory comments about women or other groups of people.

AIBU to think that being elderly explains where some of these attitudes came from, but does not excuse them?

What makes you think you might be unreasonable?

It's pretty much a no brainer that it's no excuse.

Plenty of people make age as an excuse. My aunt was being racist and I spoke up. My cousin/her daughter came rushing in saying she can't help it.

complaining about prejudice by starting an ageist thread 😳

you are just as bad as them

Ageist OP

OP is not being ageist, OP is not saying all
elderly people are like this.

The only reason she can't help it is because she has been racist all her life and has got used to it.

People don't undergo a personality change in older age. They are what they always were - except more so usually. You get people on MN saying things like "Oh but he is elderly/your elderly father/will be gone soon" as if that is some excuse for bad behaviour - it isn't. Nasty young people grow into nasty old people. You don't have to like or respect them simply because they are old.

The race relations acts in the UK were between 1965 and 1975 ish. your aunt would have been a teenager/young adult.

Ok but many people of all ages everywhere are racist and sexist, so I'm not quite sure why you've made this thread about elderly people in particular?

For every elderly racist/sexist bigot, you'll find just as many younger ones.

I take it your cousin isn't elderly and yet there they were making excuses, so therefore being just as bad.

Best report it then.

Best report it then.

Because I am talking about my older family relatives. Did you read the OP?

Age not an excuse but bear in mind that some of these bigots have been taught to hold these views from birth and seen them as normal for many decades, so letting them go isn't easy.

I suppose it's been a few minutes since we've had a thread which serves no other purpose than the OP telling the world she's not prejudiced .. while saying something prejudiced

This. 🙄

Yes, and how old is your cousin who is just as bad for making excuses?

How old is your cousin's daughter?

Defending racism is as bad as racism.

If you can't see that then you are very much...

Racist.

I can see why age is mentioned. Because some people use age as an excuse not to correct older people, as they can’t help it, that’s how they were raised, a different era etc.

I politely told my 81y mil that corner shops should not be called ‘p*’ shops. I challenged my 76y mum who said things like mothers playing in women’s football teams is why boys get into knife crime. No regrets in either case.

What did this person say about non-white doctors OP? And why didn't you leave / throw them out as soon as it was said?

Why were you polite when she was being racist?

Being rude would not have achieved a better result. I believe it came from a place of ignorance rather than deep-seated bigotry. I am a poc and was happy with how I handled it. She was embarrassed, apologised and didn’t say it again.

Your second paragraph - in any demograpic you could find a percentage of members who'd think the same. At least the older folks have got life experience to draw on to justify their attitudes, because they have a comparator.

You sound ageist.

As people age they lose their filters so say what they actually think rather than either keeping quiet or making their thoughts more palatable to others. I've seen it with multiple elder relatives (both blood and in laws) and it is a common trait as they have got into their late 70s and 80s. Those with cognitive decline (dementia) lose the filters sooner. My father has always been selfish, racist and misogynistic but kept it mostly in check - not any more. He'll happily tell you you're fat, a disappointment, that he doesn't like the (insert derogatory name for person of colour or from Pakistan) that runs the corner shop, doesn't want any of that 'foreign muck' (used to eat Chinese, Indian, French, Caribbean food). He's thoroughly unpleasant now. Thanks to the dementia he forgets what he's said but he's so unpleasant to be around that we keep it to a minimum!

Yes, there are racists of every age (my neighbours in their 40s and their teenage children) it's not just older people and it should be called out.

I agree there is no excuse for racism or misogyny..however having views on how society raises children that differ from yours doesn't necessarily mean they are misogynist. Saying women are too stupid / emotional to hold down a responsible job is misogynist IMO. Saying you believe children would benefit more from having a mother at home is a valid view, although one most women these days don't agree with.

At least the older folks have got life experience to draw on to justify their attitudes, because they have a comparator.

You think racism in older people is justified because .... ?????

Are you the cousin of the OP?

I agree.

But I also think that being of a younger age is no excuse. And sadly I see lot of that. "They're taking our jobs" etc. And most awful misogenystic stuff I see comes from young people.

The difference is that some people excuse those members of the older generation who exhibit prejudice. I am surprised that so many here can’t see the point being made and are jumping to cries of ageism.