Class reshuffle - dd with no friends

[tireddotcomm]

Hi All, would appreciate your thoughts on this situation and how to deal with it. Dd is 9 and going into year 5 in September.

At her school, they are 2 form entry and always shuffle classes at year 3 and year 5. There are approx 18 children in each class. I was not worried about this at all, trust the teachers decisions and new D’s would be fine as long as she had 1 or 2 friends in her class, just like she was when they shuffled them previously at beginning of year 3.

Lists were circulated to parents today and I was so shocked to see that she has been separated from every single one of her friends. All 7 girls that she views as her friends are in the other class. I appreciate it is a difficult job and there are a multitude of things to consider - mix of gender, ability etc. along with positive working relationships but to not place her with a single friend seems to be hard to justify. While the 7 other girls will now have shared experiences and strengthen their bond, dd will naturally, without intention necessarily, end up being excluded. It is left to the parents to inform their children and, unsurprisingly, dd is inconsolable despite me trying to be as positive as possible about it.

The classes are not split equally by gender with 7 girls in dds class and 10 in the other & there are 2 more children in the other class so they won’t be able to simply move her over, there would need to be further changes involving other children and so cannot see them changing it now.

I have asked for a meeting to discuss this with the class teacher and head. As I said, she would have been happy with just 1 of these friends in her class but has not one. DH who normally wouldn’t have an opinion on these types of things is equally shocked. I feel totally let down by the school & have lost trust in them if they think this could be in best interests of any child.

The children were not asked to write down names of 3 children they’d be happy to be in a class with like other schools do. What do you think? AIBU? Should I suck it up and let this go or pursue it? Is there any chance of them changing their minds anyway? Thank yoj

This happened me too. I was separated from my best friend for P6 and P7 and I was really upset. I remember her complaining in school and me later crying at home after we found out. She was eventually fine and made another friend in her new class, but I didn’t in mine. I spent a lot of time alone in my last couple of years in primary school, and I think it hurt my ability to keep friends when I went on to high school.
I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been to have been separated from a large group of friends, so I’m hoping the school can work something out.

As it's a private school which you are presumably paying a lot of money for I would have assumed they would be more accomodating as like a few people have said you could vote with your feet and leave (and we have had a few private schools in my area close recently due to falling numbers and unsustainable costs).

However from a school perspective (state) the problem is once you let one parent move their child it sets it in motion for others to ask. I have worked in a class where one parent did as someone said and made a nuisance of themselves to have their child moved. The head gave in and it then became a free for all. Parents arguing that because they moved one child it then wasn't fair to not move another. In the end the classes ended up pretty much as before so the whole point of mixing them became redundant.

What was the point?

What's the school roll like, are they over subscribed and popular or struggling for numbers? If it's he later, threaten to move with you feet and go elsewhere. It's not good enough that they've admitted they're wrong and offering no solution to put it right.

I’m a twin, and we both used to find at school, separately and together, we’d be put with the naughty kids as a calming influence as we both kept our heads down, wanted to learn and got decentish marks. All it did was separate us from our friends and we never understood why but it kept happening. Just got on with it but it’s tough when all your friends bond in their classes and you can’t join in.

Our first overnight school trip in year 5 was a PGL place with lots of different outdoors activities. 28 of us went but they split us up into a group of 20 and 8 for the whole weekend!
And yes, of course we were both in the 8 with the kids who were naughty, hyperactive and annoying. Literally all our friends were in the bigger group and we did all the activities separately to them. We used to walk past them going to and from everything.

Later in year 9 I was in my registration group with 2 friends and the class was made up of the “popular” kids who were in a clique I didn’t fit in with, and the annoying kids who just didn’t care about school. You had all your classes with your registration group in that year.

However, yep, my two friends were the ONLY two who were sent off to join another class together for all lessons. So I was on my own in all classes for that whole year. I just got on with it but I hated it. I kept my head down, hardly spoke even in group work and they teased me for being snobby, thinking I was too good for them, they smirked when I did speak and I was just an outsider. I was just shy and not able to force my way into their cliques. I had nothing in common with any of them.

There was one other kid, a boy who had it worse than me. At least I could do the work, he struggled and just looked sad all the time. I tried to befriend him, thinking we could get through it together and he didn’t make the effort back, so I left him to it and eventually he vanished, must have moved schools.

BUT! Years later when Facebook arrived he messaged me and apologised! Said he was really shy too back then but did recognise and appreciate I tried to be his friend and said sorry for not returning the kindness! Turns out he was a Butlins Red Coat by that point! I was both amazed he remembered me and thrilled that he came through school okay.