Class reshuffle - dd with no friends

[tireddotcomm]

Hi All, would appreciate your thoughts on this situation and how to deal with it. Dd is 9 and going into year 5 in September.

At her school, they are 2 form entry and always shuffle classes at year 3 and year 5. There are approx 18 children in each class. I was not worried about this at all, trust the teachers decisions and new D’s would be fine as long as she had 1 or 2 friends in her class, just like she was when they shuffled them previously at beginning of year 3.

Lists were circulated to parents today and I was so shocked to see that she has been separated from every single one of her friends. All 7 girls that she views as her friends are in the other class. I appreciate it is a difficult job and there are a multitude of things to consider - mix of gender, ability etc. along with positive working relationships but to not place her with a single friend seems to be hard to justify. While the 7 other girls will now have shared experiences and strengthen their bond, dd will naturally, without intention necessarily, end up being excluded. It is left to the parents to inform their children and, unsurprisingly, dd is inconsolable despite me trying to be as positive as possible about it.

The classes are not split equally by gender with 7 girls in dds class and 10 in the other & there are 2 more children in the other class so they won’t be able to simply move her over, there would need to be further changes involving other children and so cannot see them changing it now.

I have asked for a meeting to discuss this with the class teacher and head. As I said, she would have been happy with just 1 of these friends in her class but has not one. DH who normally wouldn’t have an opinion on these types of things is equally shocked. I feel totally let down by the school & have lost trust in them if they think this could be in best interests of any child.

The children were not asked to write down names of 3 children they’d be happy to be in a class with like other schools do. What do you think? AIBU? Should I suck it up and let this go or pursue it? Is there any chance of them changing their minds anyway? Thank yoj

fingers crossed for you OP

I presume you could formally appeal if you need to?? Fingers crossed - surely they will sort it given how ridiculous it is.

Ours shuffle the classes every year. They don’t send a list but they send a letter home telling you which class you’re in and then of course the kids all tell each other.

Ok I’m not a teacher but it can’t be that disruptive and impossible to move one kid surely?!

This was done at our primary to break up a toxic clique of girls. They put half in one class and half in another. However the mums went absolutely mental! But none of the girls were left on their own like this

I really hope this gets sorted OP. Absolutely awful, your poor DD.

Well they have admitted they’re were wrong, apologised and said they’ve explored solutions but haven’t been able to find one so ultimately the classes will remain the same. I am so gutted for dd and feel so let down by the school that they failed to give this due care and consideration. I have contacted governors to express this and will be pushing for confirmation that they will shuffle the classes again at the end of year 5.

Can you make a formal complaint to the governors. I wouldn't let this lie or agree to a reshuffle in a year. It needs to be sorted now.

I wouldn’t accept that. It’s their error, how can they not move her over and move someone else to the other class? How will they mitigate this in the future, this just seems to show they didn’t give it any due consideration if a group of 8 friends has been split into 7 in one class and 1 in the other!

You keep fighting her corner, OP. Especially now they’ve admitted that they messed up. Threaten to go to the press!

I’d see if you can formally appeal. This is definitely not good enough. No way.

Just make a polite nuisance of yourself til they cave to get rid of you. Always worked for me.

How sad for her. With 18 in each year I’m presuming there’s technically spaces in both classes (if this is mainstream). What would they do if a child was to join the school mid year? If you haven’t already I’d ask about that. I purposefully only put one form entry choices to avoid this scenario (as acutely aware it happens and have seen the impact), perhaps you could point out how this comes across to other parents when choosing schools and offer to leave a helpful online review… If they don’t care about how this impacts your DD I’d not care much about how sharing your experience influences how others see the school…

Does you DD attend a state or private school?

I feel for you OP, my DS was split from his friends going into yr 3 and they wouldn’t budge and move him. He’s struggled massively for the last two years with friendships and rarely gets invited anywhere. It’s been awful but school just doesn’t seem to care and what makes it worse is I work at the school!
They are now mixing going into yr 5 and we’ll find out next week where they are. I’ve spoken to his teacher about my worries and his struggles and I am praying for a better mix so he can build some bonds again. I just want him to enjoy his last two years of primary and move up to secondary with at least a couple of friends.
Good luck fighting it, such a shame that quite often behaviour / need seems to over look friendships which then in turn can have a huge impact.

I’m assuming they want to keep an even number of girls in each class the same so it would mean moving another girl which is why the “can’t see a solution”.

I don’t know the answer. DS was changed last year and he’s been miserable for the year, he’s another year to go, he really misses his friends, things haven’t improved over the year. Dreading another year of this.

If DD is going to be forcibly separated from her friends anyway, I'd consider moving her to another school that will actually care about her wellbeing.

sorry but that's utter rubbish. How much difference would swapping one child over make? Even if that meant one class had 25 and one 27 pupils is that such a huge issue?

It’s a private school which I think is confounding the issue as moving her to the other class would take it over the limit that they state they allow so would upset other parents and they obviously can’t work out a solution to swap her.

Whoops - sorry, above post was meant to be in response to Fake It’s question.

If you think your DD would be miserable could you threaten to vote with your feet (and cash). I can’t imagine forking out private school fees and for them to make a cock up like this and then say there is nothing they can do. Many schools are on there knees at the moment so they can’t afford to piss parents off!

Happened to my child mid-primary. She was devastated. Cried herself to sleep for the whole first term. It totally broke down any trust she had had that the teachers had her best interests at heart at all. We should have moved schools on reflection. She has no happy memories from primary school whatsoever. I think teachers really underestimate the effect of this. The head refused to budge. We complained to the local authority who did admit that the head had failed to follow procedures but refused to make the head move my child. Such a shit show. So damaging for mental health.

Good luck finding a school that genuinely cares about their wellbeing.
School is a bit like prison.

Well that’s a daft comment isn’t it? You’ll can’t tar all schools with the same brush.

OP, I can’t believe you are PAYING for this shit show. All the more reason for them to put it right.

Our primary school didn’t have any of this but I’d go as far as not applying for a school that did this I think. At that age, splitting a child up from its friends had a devastating impact on many!

One form entry schools can also be an issue though.
My kids went to a one form entry primary as it was our nearest one and it just so happened that for one of them the year group was particularly boy-heavy.
My DD didn't really gel with the few girls she had in her class and that had its own impact on her experience and enjoyment of the primary years. It would have been so much better had there been more than one class because they could have evened out the numbers of boys and girls.

The other DD had a couple of challenging children in her class who couldn't be split up - again, because there was only one class.