Class reshuffle - dd with no friends

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Hi All, would appreciate your thoughts on this situation and how to deal with it. Dd is 9 and going into year 5 in September.

At her school, they are 2 form entry and always shuffle classes at year 3 and year 5. There are approx 18 children in each class. I was not worried about this at all, trust the teachers decisions and new D’s would be fine as long as she had 1 or 2 friends in her class, just like she was when they shuffled them previously at beginning of year 3.

Lists were circulated to parents today and I was so shocked to see that she has been separated from every single one of her friends. All 7 girls that she views as her friends are in the other class. I appreciate it is a difficult job and there are a multitude of things to consider - mix of gender, ability etc. along with positive working relationships but to not place her with a single friend seems to be hard to justify. While the 7 other girls will now have shared experiences and strengthen their bond, dd will naturally, without intention necessarily, end up being excluded. It is left to the parents to inform their children and, unsurprisingly, dd is inconsolable despite me trying to be as positive as possible about it.

The classes are not split equally by gender with 7 girls in dds class and 10 in the other & there are 2 more children in the other class so they won’t be able to simply move her over, there would need to be further changes involving other children and so cannot see them changing it now.

I have asked for a meeting to discuss this with the class teacher and head. As I said, she would have been happy with just 1 of these friends in her class but has not one. DH who normally wouldn’t have an opinion on these types of things is equally shocked. I feel totally let down by the school & have lost trust in them if they think this could be in best interests of any child.

The children were not asked to write down names of 3 children they’d be happy to be in a class with like other schools do. What do you think? AIBU? Should I suck it up and let this go or pursue it? Is there any chance of them changing their minds anyway? Thank yoj

That makes no sense that the girls are not more evenly distributed, why not 8 in one class and 9 in the other?

You might have more luck approaching them with this kind of general objection than 'my daughter has no friends in her class', where they are very likely to fob you off with some guff about how a confident child like yours will have no trouble forming a new friendship group and was the best equipped of the seven to be put in that position.

DS went to a 4 form entry Junior School. The children were moved around every year. It was often unfathomable from parent's point of view. One year DS was in class with 7 girls and 14 boys, the other 3 classes were more evenly spilt.
HT, when questioned, maintained that class was for learning and children could play with their friends at break and lunch.

However, there were always certain parents that managed to mysteriously get their children moved to other classes by September.
Definitely question it.

Please fight this. The school.is acting unreasonably. Sometimes teachers get it wrong and don't realise it until someone points it out.

This happened to my son in seconday schiol and they have admitted that they made a mistake and will put him with at least one of his close friends in September

Tbh I would normally be in the "it's fine, she'll get over it" sort of camp with things like this but this sounds a bit too extreme.

As you say, to be with just one of her friends would have been enough.

I would definitely make an appointment to speak to the Head about this because it seems unfair and a bit odd - unless there is some justification for it that you don't know about (although not sure what that could be?)
It's important to speak up especially if you think it will impact your child's school experience because being unhappy isn't conducive to learning.
Good luck

Can you clarify - is she not with any girls from her current class? Or is she just not with any friends from her current class?

If she is not with any one from her current class, does that mean all of the girls in her new class are currently in a class together? This would worry me more, as it will be hard for her to be the odd one out.

I would go with the "DD was very upset at the new class allocation. Can you please explain the reasoning behind it ? (Maybe they have good reasons) Do you realise DD is not with any friends (maybe they haven't and have done x from this class, y from that rather than consider friendship groups)."

Do challenge this - similar happened to DD in the yr3 shuffle, 3 form entry and they split her friend group 3,3,1 (she was the 1). They naturally drifted into those groups and DD was left out. We did challenge it but the school wouldn’t budge (I did understand from their perspective, DDs year group was incredibly boy heavy, less than 30 girls in the whole year group!) it ended up being a disaster for her and she’s eventually moved schools to find a better balance.

If classes here are split it is based on ability groups, friends aren't necessarily in the same ability group. Would you accept being told your daughter isn't with her friends because they have different capabilities in school?

Thanks so much all. I was so blindsided by this that I fired off a rather garbled email so will need to articulate my thoughts ahead of a meeting. I am just so shocked they have done this….as I said I wasn’t remotely worried as assumed she would be with at least 1 friend. I’ve had a number of mums message me to see if dd is ok so it’s obviously very clear to them on looking at the lists that she is the only one out on her own.

She is with a couple of girls from her current class but she is not friends with them and never plays with them. No issues at all, they are perfectly pleasant girls, just not in her social circle.

They shuffled them at year 3 and it is definitely the case that the girls gravitate to play more with the girls they are in a class with so she will be excluded from ALL of her existing friends just based on shared experiences etc.

At our school they try to balance abilities across the classes and so it’s definitely not that she is of a different ability to the rest of the girls.

I am dumbfounded to be honest and shocked they have done this.

This happened to my daughter and fortunately I did manage to get her moved. It’s a horrible situation, good luck with the meeting.

If the school won’t budge, I’d be arranging/encouraging as many meet ups as possible with the other girls in the class over the summer.