To be annoyed partner is still not home?

[inkyspells]

So my partner went out to meet his fellow area managers .
They met at 5pm (for apparently a couple of drinks and a meal )
They have met in a city that’s a hour away.
He didn’t take his key because he said he wouldn’t be late.
Hes just text asking for the bus timetable ,I sent it over and he replied saying he’s getting the midnight bus.
So he’s not getting home till after 1am
Hes got no key so I’m gonna have to stay up
He has work at 7am in the morning as well
He asked if I was Annoyed,I just said well you will be tired tomorrow at work (I now work from home and off till Tuesday)
Aibu ? Just take your key but tbh I wouldn’t sleep anyway till I knew he was home.

Did he ask you to look up the bus timetable because he’s severely dyslexic and can’t read? Or because he thinks you’re his mum? I wouldn’t put this kind of work into my partner going out, I get I have to drive my teen places and check he’s checked these things, but to my partner I’d say ‘remember you can only go out if you’re capable of working out how to get home. Leave your key under the mat if you don’t want to take it, I’ll be asleep.’

Why would you need to stay up? Just go to bed. He will lock the door behind him when he gets back.

I never understand these grown adults who deliberately don’t take a key when they leave the house. It’s ridiculous.

You need to stop mothering him!
You've said he's out with the other area managers, so in a work environment, without you there, he can clearly be responsible. He chooses not to take his keys and "be stupid", because he knows you will pick up the pieces.

Is this your teenage DS or grown adult DP?

You’re talking about him like he’s a child.

Next time tell him to either take his key or stay somewhere else for the night.

Well OP…….what time did he coming rolling home then? Do come back and tell us!

I feel the same. This kind of thread isn't infrequent and I'm just astonished that anyone deliberately leaves the house without their keys ever. And equally astonished that anyone would agree to stay in or up to let them in. I don't understand the mindset behind ANY of it.

Have these men never lived on their own? Or in houseshares where you can't just ask your housemates to wait up for you? And why would any woman put up with it? So many questions.

DH doesn't always take a key if he goes out for a quick run and knows I will be in. But on a night out he would.
But then I wouldn't be staying up until he got in, regardless of whether he had a key or not.
Fuck that, stop treating him like a child and maybe he'll stop acting like one.

I also don't understand the mindset of being unable to sleep until your partner gets in. That seems like a lot of anxiety. I'd find it suffocating if my partner told me they couldn't sleep until I got in from a night out.

He 'hates carrying his keys'. How can anyone hate carrying a couple of ounces of metal? I call bollocks on this.

By not carrying his keys he gets to control you and ensure you are permanently at home waiting for him. He is ensuring your life revolves around him. His convenience is more important than your autonomy.

if my DH of 40 years pulled this shit he'd be sleeping in the garden. Luckily he is not a manchild so the situation hasn't arisen.

I also don't get the key thing and until MN, I had no idea it was a thing for grown adults to not take keys with them.

I also don't understand why, when he said "are you cross" you didn't say, "yes, I am cross, becaus now I have to let you in and stay up which was not what we agreed". Instead, you went with, "you'll be tired in the morning."

You definitely appear to be in a very much parent-child relationship situation and that is never a good place to be.

He asked if I was Annoyed, I just said well you will be tired tomorrow at work

Why weren't you truthful? Why didn't you say "yes I am annoyed, you should have taken your keys"

It is passive-aggressive and unhealthy to pretend you are not annoyed when you so clearly are and he knows it.
Are you afraid of letting him know when you are annoyed?

Urgh he sounds like a manbaby.

If he wants to stay out late he can take his keys. Stop pandering to this nonsense.

This is another one of those threads where I feel like some women really don’t help themselves with this stuff.

Stop mothering him. You’re just enabling this useless crap.

He’s a grown man. You can’t settle till he’s in? He's married his mother. Leave the door unlocked and go to bed. Jeez.
it’s not all night..not that it would bother me if it was.

This. You’re not him mum, stop acting like it.

He should take a key but he's a grown man, for god's sake; he can decide for himself whether he has a late night now and again.

I can’t settle till he is in

That's not really his fault, though, is it?

Hope he got home okay and you have managed to let go of the rightful pique. Going fwd I would tell him he needs to take a spare door key that he can simply pop in his wallet and/or have a key hide outside so he can let himself in. He checks out bus arrangements prior to leaving and saved the info on his phone if there is a chance he will be too drunk to look it up when out and you leave him to it.

I’d only be annoyed if my Dh said he would be back by 10pm and didn’t text to say he was staying out later as I’d worry he’d got into some bother (a friend died in a hit n run after wandering across a multilane carriageway while very very drunk, so we know it can happen).

From your first post I would say YABU - I would hide a key and go to bed

Your second post tho suggests he has a problematic relationship with alcohol which would worry me. The not carrying keys thing is just odd

You sound like you're mothering him, I would just let him get on with it!

Just make him be a grown up and take his keys in future

In my case it is a case of in the back of my mind I know I would get woken up again. It wouldn't stop me from going to bed though and trying to get to sleep.

the men's football World Cup, women have it too. And we have cricket world Cups.

“I can’t settle until he is in”, you sound like his mum. Let the man have some fun, no curfew needed.

The women’s World Cup isn’t on right now though so it’s unlikely he stayed out for that one. Can’t really see the need to specify, it’s not hard to work out which one they mean.

I got in at one am this morning and talked to my husband really loudly for an hour. He thought it was funny. He has work this morning, and I had to get the kids up ready and out to school.
Fun happens sometimes.