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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What exactly is the strictness in English schools actually achieving?

541 replies

WaitAMinutePlease · 11/06/2026 21:08

I’ve been on Mumsnet for years and one thing that genuinely puzzles me is how strict many English schools seem to be.

The thread today about the little boy with severe leg pain, and his mum asked if he could temporarily leave school at 1.30pm instead of 3.30pm because he’s struggling physically. The school apparently refused and said they wouldn’t “release” him. (Sorry? You won’t ‘release’ MY child??? WTAF!)

I see similar threads all the time. Parents being threatened with fines over attendance, children not being allowed time off for family holidays, requests for flexibility being refused, schools insisting on attendance despite medical issues that are still being investigated, and so on.

I’m Irish, and honestly this feels ridiculous to me. Irish schools are generally much more pragmatic. If a child was struggling with a health issue, even one that hadn’t yet been formally diagnosed, most schools would work with the parents. Reduced hours, work sent home, flexibility around attendance, none of that would seem remotely controversial. Equally, while schools don’t encourage term-time holidays, taking children out of school for a family holiday isn’t generally treated as some major disciplinary issue.

What I don’t understand is what the strictness is actually achieving. Ireland has a higher proportion of students progressing to third-level education than England by a mile (approx 76% vs 46%), so it’s not obvious to me that a highly punitive attendance culture produces better educational outcomes.

So my question is: why are English schools like this?

Is it government pressure? Ofsted? League tables? Funding linked to attendance? Or is it actually genuinely believed that this level of strictness benefits children?

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · Today 17:05

FrippEnos · Today 16:57

But you are also making the assumption that I/we don't treat pupils as individuals or use a range of techniques with them.

You seem to believe that I/we want the pupils to "fear" us This is your bias showing as we don't agree with your theories pf teaching.

I can also tell you from experience that although pupils get treated as idividuals Pupils want to see everyone treated equally, and that is where being a professional and maintaining a professional distance from the pupils comes in and making sure that the school rulse are follwed (which is not helped by SLT pissing around and not following their own rules).

And just because you have spoken to teachders doesn't make that the correct practice. I can tell you that those that go to your seminars, and meetings etc. go to them because they believe that they are correct and are happy to be in a sound chamber that re-affirms their views.

Any teacher worth their salt knows that no single education theory stands on its own merit unless backed by rules and stratigies that are followed by all staff.

Yes, this poster has zero idea of how I teach or manage behaviour but still thought they were in a position to tell me that I should try talking to my pupils!

03cg73 · Today 17:09

Hercisback · Today 10:28

Name a few stupid rules.

Can only speak for the school my DDs went to, but I find the rules on sock colour, tights not being thick enough, not being allowed to wear scrunchies in their hair, not being allowed to remove blazers when it’s 30 degrees in the class room, checking what shoes kids are wearing in the morning, making them remove jewellery and checking if they are wearing mascara (or any make up) stupid

what do any of these thing have to do with them learning? I would go as far as to say making them keep blazers in when it’s far too hot is doing the opposite of helping them learn

Hercisback · Today 17:17

BloominNora · Today 16:34

Yes - ideally I want to do it with a couple of local schools, maybe a trust, to get the methodology right (and to scratch the personal interest itch).

If it proves useful to the schools and I get good feedback from a few key people in my network who I trust to be honest with feedback (good or bad), I have a couple of contacts in the DfE and a few consultancies that work closely with the sector that I will approach to discuss rolling it out into a wider piece of research.

If super strict and more relaxed schools both demonstrate success and improved outcomes then is it just down to personal school ethos which one they employ?

I suspect it is about consistency - my thinking is that if a school is fully zero tolerance or fully inclusive they succeed - it is where you get inconsistency that results are mixed.

I don't think you need research to prove that consistency is key with kids tbh!

CrepituErgoSum · Today 17:20

We are in an irish city (not Dublin) and our two secondary age kids (14 & 17) attend a school which doesn't get too excited about uniform issues or the odd absence. They both absolutely love school and get good results academically. It is diverse and not just white Irish children, a lot of Travellers, immigrants etc.

The cousins in England seem to be having a terrible time with the strictness but also with the curriculum. They both seem anxious and not very settled in school.

I don't know why this is but factors which may differ are:
There are no private schools in our city.
There is a choice of secondaries including some all boys or all girls or mixed. Most schools are Catholic but there is a multi denominational one so there is some parental choice.
There's no zoning, you just get assigned a place by lottery (or not) in whatever school/s you apply for. It's chaos, you might get 5 places or none.
Teachers seem generally happier and teaching is seen as a better job here - my teacher friends do have their complaints but it's basically pretty secure and relatively well paid so there are some very good people teaching. My kids are truly inspired by a few of their teachers.
Some of the best teachers seem to ignore the curriculum, eg the religion teacher just talks about ethics and things and my kids love it.
Ireland is a less rule bound culture overall, people tend to do the more humane and the less official thing.
The school runs a lot of sport, music, school trips etc activities, my kids take part in a LOT of these, eg playing sports matches with other schools or singing in a choir for the school Mass etc

I don't think Ireland is paradise by any means but we've been very happy with schooling, it's better than when we were kids.

Hercisback · Today 17:21

03cg73 · Today 17:09

Can only speak for the school my DDs went to, but I find the rules on sock colour, tights not being thick enough, not being allowed to wear scrunchies in their hair, not being allowed to remove blazers when it’s 30 degrees in the class room, checking what shoes kids are wearing in the morning, making them remove jewellery and checking if they are wearing mascara (or any make up) stupid

what do any of these thing have to do with them learning? I would go as far as to say making them keep blazers in when it’s far too hot is doing the opposite of helping them learn

Edited

That's a problem with that specific school, not rules in general.

However sock colour I can see the point of a coherent look.

Tights I can see the point of not wanting to see fanny under short skirts.

Shoes end up being a popularity competition especially when expensive trainers are allowed.

Scrunchies meh I don't mind but around 2015 those JOBow things were fashionable and a huge distractor and literally stopped kids seeing the board.

Blazers my experience is that most staff don't care.

Natsku · Today 17:36

FrippEnos · Today 12:23

I agree with most of these but as a tech teacher the jewelry one is very important. I workshops rings can cause injuries and be the can caus ethe loss of fingers.
In Food tech jewelry is a hygiene issue.

As for the blazers I always had a blanket rule that they could be taken off.

DD's school allows any jewellery but anything at risk of getting caught in machines or being a good hygiene issue must be removed for the relevant lessons, which makes sense and is fair (and legal, as schools can't legally tell students what not to wear here except in cases where it affects health and safety, and obviously rings and dangly necklaces aren't a risk in a maths lesson like they would be in woodwork)

BloominNora · Today 17:42

FrippEnos · Today 16:57

But you are also making the assumption that I/we don't treat pupils as individuals or use a range of techniques with them.

You seem to believe that I/we want the pupils to "fear" us This is your bias showing as we don't agree with your theories pf teaching.

I can also tell you from experience that although pupils get treated as idividuals Pupils want to see everyone treated equally, and that is where being a professional and maintaining a professional distance from the pupils comes in and making sure that the school rulse are follwed (which is not helped by SLT pissing around and not following their own rules).

And just because you have spoken to teachders doesn't make that the correct practice. I can tell you that those that go to your seminars, and meetings etc. go to them because they believe that they are correct and are happy to be in a sound chamber that re-affirms their views.

Any teacher worth their salt knows that no single education theory stands on its own merit unless backed by rules and stratigies that are followed by all staff.

I am not making the assumption that you do anything.

I started my responses in this thread by replying to a teacher who gave an example of a boy talking back in an altercation over a forgotten pen and suggested that maybe it was the calling out of the pupil in front of the class rather than quietly on the side that was the issue.

That teachers response to the boy did not include the threat of sanction, whereas mine did. The difference was mine wasn't in front of the class and didn't automatically assume intentional defiance.

I did not personally attack that teachers methods or style, I commented only on the incident that they relayed.

I posted generally that in my view and from my experience there is a lack of respect these days in schools towards pupils which didn't exist, at least in my school, in the mid - late 90's and that they are treated like automatons rather than individuals which fuels the pupils lack of respect for teachers.

My first interaction with @noblegiraffe was when they decided to take the idea that respect should be mutual and earned as a personal slight and critique on her own teaching methods.

I didn't assume anything about her beyond what she has said herself and I have not assumed anything about you beyond what you have said.

If you, as a teacher:

  • treat pupils with respect and as individuals and use a range of methods with them,
  • don't use shouting as the primary method of classroom control
  • understand that embarrassing children in front of the class will increase rather then reduce disruption
  • enforce rules consistently and for the more ridiculous ones creatively
  • feedback to SLT about the decisions they make that makes teaching harder to influence change
  • recognise that not all teachers do the things above

Then we agree - so what is it exactly that you think I am wrong about?

Oh - and the conferences weren't pedagogical echo chambers because they were local schools forums with representatives from schools from across the whole area with a range of different cultures. They featured some brilliant and passionate discussions and disagreements about ideas and methods - no personal attacks and belittlement of people's opinions like on here luckily.

BloominNora · Today 17:43

Hercisback · Today 17:17

I don't think you need research to prove that consistency is key with kids tbh!

And yet many schools are still massively inconsistent 💁

noblegiraffe · Today 17:45

My first interaction with noblegiraffe was when they decided to take the idea that respect should be mutual and earned as a personal slight and critique on her own teaching methods.

I said "Spare us the parents who tell us that teachers have to 'earn the respect' of their pupils before they should be expected to behave for us."

You still have no idea what my teaching methods are, but do you identify with the suggestion that pupils shouldn't be expected to behave for teachers who they don't respect?

Hercisback · Today 17:46

BloominNora · Today 17:43

And yet many schools are still massively inconsistent 💁

Not through lack of trying!

Turns out running a sch relies on ~200 people all saying and doing the same thing...

As was ever thus!

Whatafustercluck · Today 17:49

FrippEnos · Today 14:51

Never became problematic for who?
You and your mates that caused the issues or those that had to put up with it?

Huh? I have literally no idea how you've got that from anything I've said. 🤔

If it matters though, I was never once sent out of a classroom, never had a detention, I was never shouted at and got mostly As and Bs at both GCSE and A Level. I think you have me confused with someone else.

Whatafustercluck · Today 18:14

@BloominNora I don't think anything you've said is inherently outlandish, disrespectful of other posters on here, or even wrong. I'm baffled by why it's become so toxic with defensiveness and incorrect assumptions (such as the one that it was me and my mates misbehaving in the classroom, when my best friend at the time was head girl and I was a prefect). People who are not teachers but who have experienced education from a different perspective can and should be able to voice an opinion (respectfully) without derision.

BloominNora · Today 18:18

noblegiraffe · Today 17:45

My first interaction with noblegiraffe was when they decided to take the idea that respect should be mutual and earned as a personal slight and critique on her own teaching methods.

I said "Spare us the parents who tell us that teachers have to 'earn the respect' of their pupils before they should be expected to behave for us."

You still have no idea what my teaching methods are, but do you identify with the suggestion that pupils shouldn't be expected to behave for teachers who they don't respect?

Not once have I said children shouldn't be expected to behave or that rules should be optional nor have I ever said there shouldn't be sanctions.

I can understand the fairly basic and accepted psychological position that it is perfectly normal and healthy for teenagers to push boundaries and defiance will be exacerbated by the attempted enforcement of blatantly stupid rules which blurs the boundaries of the reasonable ones.

I've said that if pupils think rules are inappropriate they should argue for change through appropriate channels and that schools should encourage that type of dialogue and critical thinking as part of learning.

I can agree that children should be expected to behave but that I think that expectation should come with an expectation of mutual earned respect, not top down authoritarianism and that we should seek to understand what drives children to misbehave.

None of those things are mutually exclusive.

All of your responses to me up until my suggestion of talking to pupils had been personal attacks including calling me a liar when I talked about my DDs experience of teachers that did take the time to speak with their pupils.

I assumed that given your already stated time constraints, your contempt for the idea of mutual respect and the view that I was lying about our experiences with teachers who did what I was suggesting, that it was something you had not done.

Maybe I was incorrect in that assumption - but Instead of responding in a mature and professional way and saying you had already done so but it hadn't worked for x, y, z reasons, or a, b, c is what works best and furthering the discussion you chose to launch yet another personal attack this time with CAPITALS!

BloominNora · Today 18:28

Hercisback · Today 17:46

Not through lack of trying!

Turns out running a sch relies on ~200 people all saying and doing the same thing...

As was ever thus!

Well - yes.

If a school can't get 200 adult, professionally trained staff who choose to work then and get paid for it to all behave in a consistent way and comply with policy, it just serves to further highlight how ridiculous it is to demand it from 1500 teenagers who don't have a choice to be there without being willing to engage in discussions about why it might not be working.

noblegiraffe · Today 18:29

BloominNora · Today 18:18

Not once have I said children shouldn't be expected to behave or that rules should be optional nor have I ever said there shouldn't be sanctions.

I can understand the fairly basic and accepted psychological position that it is perfectly normal and healthy for teenagers to push boundaries and defiance will be exacerbated by the attempted enforcement of blatantly stupid rules which blurs the boundaries of the reasonable ones.

I've said that if pupils think rules are inappropriate they should argue for change through appropriate channels and that schools should encourage that type of dialogue and critical thinking as part of learning.

I can agree that children should be expected to behave but that I think that expectation should come with an expectation of mutual earned respect, not top down authoritarianism and that we should seek to understand what drives children to misbehave.

None of those things are mutually exclusive.

All of your responses to me up until my suggestion of talking to pupils had been personal attacks including calling me a liar when I talked about my DDs experience of teachers that did take the time to speak with their pupils.

I assumed that given your already stated time constraints, your contempt for the idea of mutual respect and the view that I was lying about our experiences with teachers who did what I was suggesting, that it was something you had not done.

Maybe I was incorrect in that assumption - but Instead of responding in a mature and professional way and saying you had already done so but it hadn't worked for x, y, z reasons, or a, b, c is what works best and furthering the discussion you chose to launch yet another personal attack this time with CAPITALS!

Edited

Right so you decided to assume that I don't treat my pupils with respect and have gone on long and tedious rants at me when in fact you misread what I said and do actually agree with it?

Also, I didn't call you a liar, I said that this "The teacher who doesn't have a seating plan, only implements seat moves as part of the behaviour policy not as a weird powerplay, chats to the kids, sometimes lets them get loud but lays out their expectations at the start of the year. That's the teacher that can say "Quiet now everyone, its time to work" and they are listened to."

was untrue. Which it is. Laughably untrue.

Hercisback · Today 18:39

BloominNora · Today 18:28

Well - yes.

If a school can't get 200 adult, professionally trained staff who choose to work then and get paid for it to all behave in a consistent way and comply with policy, it just serves to further highlight how ridiculous it is to demand it from 1500 teenagers who don't have a choice to be there without being willing to engage in discussions about why it might not be working.

Edited

Never ever going to happen. With the best will in the world. There are too many variables for humans to be 100% consistent at all times. As you've repeatedly said, conversations and understanding lead to better outcomes. Those conversations are irrelevant and might as well not happen if 100% consistency is the goal. There has to be some flex in places and some accountability for individual circumstances.

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