Uncomfortable with new manager but colleague disagrees

[MManchesterrain]

We’re getting a new manager next week. I’m a manager myself, working alongside 7/8 others, and we will be reporting in to him.

He is moving across from another part of the business. There is always gossip in our company and it’s a fairly small town we work in so lots of people know each other.

Anyway, it’s known that he went through a disciplinary process recently during which he was suspended, and people were surprised he kept his job. What happened is something people are aware of, and he is being moved across not through his choice.

4 of us are women and would feel uncomfortable being managed by him. 3 of us want to speak to our senior manager to see explain this and that we are uncomfortable being managed by him, but the other is strongly against this and thinks it will mark our cards and make us appear difficult.

Would it be wrong to proceed against her wishes?

@Rooroobear

posted before I saw your comments.

I don't blame you for wanting to let people know. But you'll just get yourself banned & they'll carry on!

Not at all. Speak up

uncomfortable? About what?

As a woman , the gossip predisposes me against friendship with this guy. Like @Ritasueandbobtoo9 I am struck by the apparent fact that the affair cost the woman her job, but he retained his.

However I would not want you speaking on my behalf. This isn’t about racism, homophobia, sexism, ageism or ableism in the workplace and it isn’t even grounded in known fact.

@Whatado says she would thank you for coming to her with your concerns. I suspect that is her courteous dismissal meaning ‘but you needn’t have bothered’. She says herself she would then expect you to get on with it.

Obviously if the guy is a sexual harasser everything changes but I cannot see anything in the sordid little story you’ve presented to suggest that he is more likely than any other man to be one.

YABU. There’s no indication you’ll be at risk of his charm or that he’ll want to try it on with you. He had a workplace affair with another adult. The only people who should be worried about that are his ex wife and any new partner.

Her being moved on is a poor reflection of the company but you don’t know the details. Otherwise are you worried you will accidentally have sex with him? Because I can’t see what relevance it has

To be honest I’m not sure what you want your company to do with him in this situation. You said he’s been under investigation, disciplined and moved away from previous team to rectify the situation. Presumably he wasn’t investigated for being a risk to women in general, hence why he isn’t restricted from managing female colleagues now? You said he didn’t want to move so it’s not like he personally sought your team out, it was probably seen as a “suitable enough” placement for him.

I think it’s a leap, based on what you’ve shared here, to put in some group concerns. The majority of your information is gossip and comes from each of you egging each other on and riling each other up. There’s every chance he may come into this role with a view to keeping his head down and leaving asap, I doubt he gives a shit about you.

I can't quite fathom why you left this very important bit of info out of your OP 😳

because It's actually irrelevant to the OP's situation.

whether it was well handled or badly handled is a separate issue entirely.

He has been trf to become OP's manager. They dint have to approve of his affair, but as long as he's good at his job what's the actual problem here? He's hardly likely to make a move on any of them & even if he did, 4 adult women should be perfectly able to refuse his advances.

Assuming this isn’t the DH with the jam

the issue is that his professional judgement is poor and shagging a direct report suggests he sees women in the workplace differently to men. I’m going to assume he saw his male reports as functioning employees and the attractive female reports as sexual beings

i would mention to HR as I would want it on record that I have concerns that he may treat male and female reports differently. But hope it’s not the case

But the concerns are based on gossip. Bringing them up shows you listen to the gossip and are prejudging someone.

If I shared these concerns (and I don’t: my reaction is only to feel sorry for the man’s wife) I would refrain from bringing them up. Taking unsubstantiated gossip to HR or management is not a good look.

I guess it depends on your workplace. Op doesn’t have to say she knows what happened - could just let them know the rumours

anyway, regardless of the truth in the matter his card will have been marked

YABU.

First you shouldn’t know about the grievance and disciplinary - that is a disciplinary in itself. You also don’t know the details or the ins and outs.

Second, the company has evaluated fully and he keeps his job - who are you to now rejudge based on not having any of the facts?

Why does his having an affair (however morally wrong) have any bearing on him being your manager?

You all sound very entitled. You don’t get to dictate who your manager is and having a conversation with HR makes you look VERY junior without details - which they will
ask how you know so are you willing to share and out others?

He had an affair with a colleague?
What has that got to do with you and your colleagues? Is it the way it was managed by your company that bothers you?

If it was sexual harassment/ sex based bullying then you've every right to be concerned.

We had one guy who did this, he was I think warned once, didn't take heed, then was unceremoniously removed from the building one day. No mention of him again.

That to me is how such things should be dealt with. Not palm them off to another department full of women.

But you do say there's lots of gossip so make sure these past misdemeanours are definitely true.

If none of you want to work with him they'll have to deploy him elsewhere? But there's women everywhere isn't there. In another company he'd still be a risk.

However, given that he wasn't sacked it would appear that that wasn't the case here, so it's irrelevant.

Agree with this. Companies are not morality guardians. Simply having an affair, while gross, isn’t enough to warrant action. Any workplace might require you to work with people you don’t like. That’s not enough to fire them for.

OP, as you seem unable to say you are unhappy about this, I would strongly suggest that you keep quiet.

I think you would be seen as being difficult in this situation. Him being a sex pest / being inappropriate you would have a valid point. But I think you'd struggle to show that his previous affair has any direct impact on his ability to do his job and the relationship between you. It's not your job to police other peoples morals unless they affect their job or its something illegal.

You can all individually raise concerns if you wish; you don't need each other's permission. But your colleague is right, doing so will mark your cards.

Since you don't know the circumstances of the relationship he was disciplined for, I'd give him a chance. He may be a good manager. If it turns out he's a sexist prick who harasses women, that's the point I would complain.

OP you will make yourself look ridiculous. This isn’t something I’d ever expect to hear from a manager.

• You can’t use gossip as fact
• You don’t actually know what happened
• You shouldn’t know anything about any disciplinary process that doesn’t involve you or your team
• The business clearly feel they have dealt with the issue
• You haven’t given him a chance, there is no legitimate complaint here at the moment.

What outcome are you looking for, for him to be moved to another team again, for him to be dismissed based on your feeling which is based on gossip?

What are you worried about, that he’ll have another relationship with one of you or your team and carry on in the office?

Irrespective of how he might have behaved, and how the business might have dealt with it, you’re behaving like teenagers. Remember this is work, you’re meant to be professional, you’re meant to be setting the tone for your team. Let him do his job, if he behaves poorly or improperly raise it then, but to raise this in the way you’ve outlined shows poor judgement.

It's not professional or moral but assuming it was consensual it's really nobody else's business.

I think it would be very wrong to say you feel uncomfortable being managed by him. There's a very big difference between having a consensual affair (even if against workplace rules) and being a predator.

Yeah he might just not fancy you OP.

That would be my responsibility as a manager to adhere to disciplinary procedures in my company and ensure that we didnt end up with a constructive dismissal case from him.

She can be as judgmental as she wants,but unless she has any actual examples of breaches of company policy that involves her, her workstream or her direct reports thats all it is her own personal moral compass kicking in.

Thanks everyone, reading the impartial comments has made me realise it’s a difficult one, and that were probably going to need to just get on with things to begin with.