Uncomfortable with new manager but colleague disagrees

[MManchesterrain]

We’re getting a new manager next week. I’m a manager myself, working alongside 7/8 others, and we will be reporting in to him.

He is moving across from another part of the business. There is always gossip in our company and it’s a fairly small town we work in so lots of people know each other.

Anyway, it’s known that he went through a disciplinary process recently during which he was suspended, and people were surprised he kept his job. What happened is something people are aware of, and he is being moved across not through his choice.

4 of us are women and would feel uncomfortable being managed by him. 3 of us want to speak to our senior manager to see explain this and that we are uncomfortable being managed by him, but the other is strongly against this and thinks it will mark our cards and make us appear difficult.

Would it be wrong to proceed against her wishes?

It could be, but she’s said she doesn’t know any more than there was an age gap.

Well, speak up if you like, obviously, but if there’s no suggestion of coercion or abuse of power and it was a consensual relationship, I’m not sure where the discomfort lies?

As a manager Im surprised your asking, however the fact you know about the details of the disciplinary and you and a group of other managers are discussing and potentially co ordinating regarding it tells me none of you are partially HR or employment law savy

I ll tell you what I would tell you if you came to as a manager - Thanks for letting me know your concerns. However I would like to take an opportunity to direct you to our internal processes including disciplinary which includes confidentiality. My expectations for the management team is XXX.

If there are specific issues in the day to day interactions or instructions provided that are not inline with said policies and procedures you can raise them via x.

Then I would expect you to get on with it.

Are you expecting him to want to sleep with all of you too or something?

I'm just struggling to see what your actual grievance is

Then don’t have sexual relations with him and all will be well ffs

They are aware of the issue if there has been a dissaplinary. What new information are you wanting to present the boss with?

Assume this was a consenting relationship. Otherwise he would not still be there. What are your concerns? That he will lure any of you in to another affair? Just don't do that. Problem solved. He is a shit man for what he has done to his wife, but that doesn't mean he will be a shit manager.

Well as long as you don't start shagging him there shouldn't be an issue??!

This is gossip. Unless you know all the details of his disciplinary and have clear evidence that it wasn’t managed appropriately, you don’t have a leg to stand on. Leave him alone and let him do his job.

I’m concerned that a woman left the company not the man. I would be having a chat with the manager who is moving him over. Leopards do not change their spots.

If it was consensual then none of your business.

Christ have you never been attracted to anyone before? They were both consenting adults and it's not like she wouldn't have known he was married. "They were at it in the office" just sounds like gossip.

You'd be wise to concentrate on the job you're being paid to do rather than gossiping.

So 2 consenting adults shagged at work? sure if he wants to shag one of the current people I get someone feeling odd about it but what is so amazing about the current people that makes everyone thinks he wants to shag them?

Whats your concern? Whilst it might be morally questionable, if the affair was consenting.it has no bearing on you surely, unless you work in marriage guidance or something similar?

You have to also consider that he was disaplined, the process completed and the decision made to retain him. Likely he was suspended (with pay?) due to gross misconduct if he conducted the affair using company time/assets. If he does similar again, a second disaplinary process is likely to result in dismissal.

Mind you, cynically, if he was suspended without pay, it was clearerly very serious, The fact that he’s back now and seemingly fine suggests that, for whatever reason, he could be untouchable.

People have affairs all the time. You’re not the moral police. Many of those happen in the workplace.

unless he’s trying to instigate an affair with you, YABU. He is there to do his job.

I voted YABU. What’s your actual concern OP? You realise you need one.

I thought he had abused or harassed a staff member. Sounds like he had an affair- sounds like you’ve embellished and listened to gossip. I’m not surprised your colleague wants nothing to do with your ‘concern’.

Extra marital affairs at work between 2 consenting adults used to happen all the time in my ‘90s workplace and no-one battered an eyelid.

Are you and your colleagues attractive Op and think he’ll want to start an affair with one of you?

OK. So he had a relationship of sorts with a direct report who was younger than him whilst married.

I'd imagine he's being moved mainly because he has lost credibility and authority in his previous department.

As long as you all understand that you don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to - even if he flirts or makes advances, that won't happen to you.

If he does flirt or make advances and no one reciprocates then you can deal with that as it arises under sexual harassment. If there are concerns about his management style or approach to staff in general, then raise it then.

However unpalatable it might be to you, the company has chosen to continue his employment and given that none of you has been told officially what has happened, all you have is gossip.

I’m not sure if it’s the same poster but the op of the other thread had to start a new one (as it got full) and had a name change fail. She updated the thread often until the new one revealed her actual mn name and people started looking at her posting history (as some so) and were calling her out on the things she previously posted (at the same time she was meant to be going through all this with her husband) her husband was the one who bought the sex chair when he’d been caught messaging this women. As soon as she was called out for her name change fail and previous posts she disappeared

So many troll/rage bait threads on the go. Yawn 🥱

Also yes, I’ve reported it

Totally agree with this. You don’t want to be managed by this new manager based on the gossip you’ve heard. You don’t know the full facts of why he was suspended, that’s supposed to be confidential. Senior manager won’t be impressed by gossip and it will definitely look bad on you. Crack on with raising your concerns if you must but leave your colleague who doesn’t want to be involved out of it.

This is exactly what I was thinking

Why does him having an affair. Even with a younger colleague, make you uncomfortable reporting to him? Seriously. He had AN affair, doesn't mean he's going to try it on with you 3. I'm with your 4th colleague.