If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

You responded to a poster who said private kids had more freedom and tried more drugs than state

Well my kids are 13 and 11 and won’t even listen to the new Olivia Rodrigo album until the ‘clean’ versions of the songs are released because they don’t like swearing, so it’s not actually something we’ve encountered yet. We’re also skint after paying school fees so their pocket money certainly doesn’t stretch to the purchasing of drugs.
They see their school friends plenty though, which is the point I was making.

What the fuck is this!?

We have twins, the one with sen needs ended up leaving well sought after grammar school to move to a local / less facilities private school due to needing smaller class sizes. People say sen kids should go to gov schools but I can't see any government schools ever going to offer smaller class sizes!

In theory I don't think her education was better - in fact my sons at local free grammar was better - but she would not have been able to cope in the large school so I do believe going private meant she got an education.

The bit that irks is its not just the money we paid for the education - its also that it meant we paid less off our mortage so I often look at the mortgage thinking we have paid XX much more in interest that we would have saved if we had not needed to send her private

Lucky to have an excellent state school where both my children are thriving. It totally depends on if you have this option, and i do realise we are very very lucky in this regard.

I agree that it was a disgusting attitude, but I don’t think wishing violence on the child is a great response. Maybe wish the violence on the poster who actually said it?

Ensuring your teen has a stunted adolescence and no social life to avoid drugs is rather throwing the baby out with the bathwater!

You educate them and are vigilant - not keep them at home in front of a computer.

We sent our DD to an Independent school for Secondary. She has SEND, which isn't 'severe' enough for a specialist setting but when we looked round our local mainstream state secondary schools it was very clear that she wouldn't be able to cope in those environments. I thought I was going to have to quit my job to Home Educate her. Then I met a couple who had a DD with a very similar SEND profile, wasn't coping in a mainstream state secondary school so they moved her to a small, local independent school for Year 8 and said it was the best decision they had ever made. We went to look round and although I was initially sceptical, it was clear that this was the ideal environment for our DD. Small, calm, very few behaviour issues, 10-14 kids in a class and a strong emphasis on finding and nurturing each child's individual strengths/passions rather than putting them under pressure to achieve top results.
DD is about to finish Year 7 and has absolutely thrived, academically and socially. She still has her struggles, of course and always will, but her confidence has grown significantly, and our home life is much calmer as we're no longer dealing with daily afterschool meltdowns and a battle to get her in each morning. Any support or reasonable adjustments we have asked for have been put in place immediately and communication is excellent. DD has benefited from so many amazing trips, events and extracurricular opportunities that we never thought she would be able to access, because the support is there to enable her to do so. The financial commitment is huge, and we're lucky that it's even an option, but there's no doubt in my mind that for us it's worth every penny.

I think when people compare they look at the cost and what they get out of it. Is the academics going to ensure their child becomes successful one day.
For me private schools are just so much more than that. A child’s education is the entire package- whether they feel seen and heard, not just a number in the queue, the types of children who are their peers and have a hand in shaping their life too, the parents and they types of people they are, the teachers, the entire community that the school encourages and supports.
Your child should go to school absolutely loving it. You should be able to have a good relationship with your kids teachers.

We pay around £65k for our two for very selective London schools and it’s absolutely worth it. The teachers have been there for decades and even taught parents and now teaching their kids! I can speak to my kids teacher at any time and ask anything. The children are lovely, very against bullying. Parents are very involved. So many extra curricular activities, always having someone inspirational in to give talks. Your child’s teacher knows them SO well, almost as good as you. The head teacher takes a class as well so gets to know all the kids so well. I could go on and on.

I was state educated and I still was able to have a great career BUT school was just school to me. Nothing stood out. Every day when I do school drop off I really take a second to think what an amazing opportunity my kids have. My kids do love going to school so much and not just because they have to.

Yes you’re right. But it does make me worry for the future that a child, especially a boy, is being raised in a family with this attitude. My point wasn’t so much that I want violence as that teaching him a lesson that he is not superior will probably have to be done outside the family - and likely not meted out with kindness. That poster sounds a dreadful parent.

My neurodivergent DD attends a very small independent school with an academic scholarship and a huge bursary. She really struggles to regulate herself in crowds/noisy places and needs a very strict routine to thrive. Her school manages to support her with this and therefore she is actually learning, flourishing and flying academically. She would struggle to attend a bigger school (state or independent) and would certainly not be able to learn in a busy environment. I am very very thankful I had the ability to access the support from school and the financial assistance they give us. I genuinely believe it’s the difference, in her case, between her becoming a functioning member of society or being locked in at home with few prospects by supporting her to develop real life coping skills in her own time.

Do I wish she could access this “for free”? Of course - I quite literally count every penny. Does my heart break at the thought of all the other kids whose needs are similar who don’t have this opportunity? Of course. But I wasn’t going to sit around and let that happen whilst I have the ability to do something more for her own particular needs. So my car has done over 120,000 miles, I’m currently downsizing our home massively to be able to afford the fees (albeit reduced fees but still ££££’s)and am so thankful I have the ability to do so. I think the best gift I can give her are the choices a decent education offers, and I’m not going to penalise her by accepting a system that does not work for so many children. The education system in this country is an absolute disgrace, our current government seem to be hellbent on making it even worse. A decent education is the basis of a well functioning society and the UK is failing at this.

This matters to us too. Both DH and I went to schools near where we lived and having a lot of friends nearby was a major part of what made our childhoods so good.

From playing on our bikes in the street through walking to a friend a street over when just old enough to, through to hanging out watching rented videos as teens and then on to our first drinks and parties before splitting up to go to university, having local friends was key to our experience.

If I had the money I would, DS has a high IQ but also ADHD/autistic traits because he isn't failing he isn't getting support at school so he really isn't hitting his potential, smaller classes and more responsive teaching would massively help him. When I was pregnant we could've just afforded it if we tightened our belts and looked at doing y3 onwards, yet despite promotions and earning a decent joint income, the cost has gone up so much it's no longer feasible

The thing is though, there are lots of things that dictate where you live. Sadly we had to be as close to my vulnerable parent as possible, and we also had to consider accessibility to my disabled son’s SEN school (and my ongoing commute). I’d rather my kids didn’t have to get a bus to secondary school, but that’s just the way it’s worked out. Thankfully they still have their primary school friends close by and see them all the time, and I ferry them around a lot to see their secondary school friends.

Maybe no one should wish violence on anyone

When I was a teenager, it was true that private school kids were more likely to take drugs-because generally they had more money. Sadly, drugs have got much cheaper now-so much more egalitarian.

In my personal experience it's still true that private school pupils are more likely to take drugs.

Yes it has been worth it. Our child is bright and an all rounder. Feel lucky and grateful to be in the position to send her. Feel this school really challenges her, class sizes are small and discipline is good.
I was worried she would get lost in the mix at a big state school.

I have 2 in a prep school, it’s crippling us financially and we literally watch every penny, but I still believe it’s been worth it.

They’re bright kids who were getting overlooked in their state primary schools, and now they’re able to work at their academic level because they’re in smaller classes and the school doesn’t have an issue with kids being high achievers. A teacher at their previous state primary told me that in years gone by they would have moved them up a year so they could work at their level, but they don’t do that kind of thing anymore.

They’re also now in a catchment to one of the best schools in the country - so the sacrifice is worth it for us.

My post stated that the children I knew in private school tried more drugs than the friends I had who went to state school.

not that every kid who goes to private school is handed a bag of cocaine on passing the entrance exam!

that was my experience. It also hadn’t stopped me sending my children to private school

My two go - i would do the same again if i had to choose - the school works for both of them and they are thriving. I would hope when they have children, they also do the same.

Yes that’s true.

@XelaM
Absolutely not worth it. It's a total con in my view.
My daughter has been in private education since reception (now in Y11 doing her GCSEs

Are you sending her to state school for her A levels?

There are the more druggy sets at any type of school. You just have to try and influence your child not to be in that group. Ideally not by keeping them under house arrest for their teenage years though like a pp! This can actually backfire as when they get freedom at 18 they can be unsafe as they’ve never learned how to socialise safely.