If you send your child to private school…

[Quej]

Do you genuinely think it’s worth it or do you regret it… and why?

I am interested to hear from people starting out in this journey.

Ir is currently £60k a year / £5k a month for two places at my local schools, a number that is presumably only going to go up.

I just can’t wrap my head around committing myself to it for 10-15 years. And as you say at the end of it - will it really have been worth it at that cost?

Could the money be better used differently for my children’s futures?

We did because our allocated state school is a disaster. I don’t regret it because of the poor alternative, but I certainly wish we hadn’t had to do it. There was another state school that would have been much better, but we couldn’t get a place.

My DD started at State School and it was a lesson in crowd control and scarce resources. She’s been private ever since. It has been worth every penny - amazing facilities, a sensible and friendly environment, in her case not particularly a hot house but more about becoming a well-rounded human being. However, I’m well paid so it hasn’t been difficult. If I couldn’t have afforded it, I would’ve done tutoring and paid for extra hobbies and classes.

Our son goes to private catholic school which is about 5k/ year. It's absolutely worth it to not have him mixed with the little thugs in state nearby. DS1 had to go there- he's not academic, not motivated to learn anything and autistic- he was fine there because he thought it really funny (and shocking) how the students behaved. Got emails saying how class behaviour was horrible each and every week. DS2 is academic and motivated so it's absolutely worth it to let him learn in peace.

Ds fitted well in at the local cathedral school as a choirister (with a bursery). It was worth it and a good choice for him.

Dd2 attends a private international school as we relocated to Scandinavian around Christmas - and she is thrieving.
The fees isn't near a private UK school at all.

Dd1 was at state primary and grammar school. Went abroad for futher studies.

We wouldn't have been able to see 3 children through UK privare schools and university. Way too expensive.

We pulled out of private school at the eleventh hour, forfeiting our £5k deposit as we decided it wasn’t right for us.

Cost wasn’t the driving factor, but did form part of it. We thought that if we ever want to switch, which so far we’ve not considered, it’s easy to do so.

Part of it was down to us thinking that ours are likely to do fine anywhere. If they start to struggle then we’ll look at going private.

My eldest has just completed his 13 years at a private school. Do I regret it , no, not at all.

it was a smaller school so relatively small classes which means the teachers got to know them all very well and they all have a very good bond with the children. He’s been on some amazing trips as our school does offer a lot of them.

When it comes to exams etc , yes there are smaller classes but ultimately the children have to put in the same amount of work as I did at state school. Plus I do think that due to people paying to go there parents are more supportive of learning so there isn’t the same level of disruption I experienced in state school with people who don’t want to be there. Issues are dealt with very quickly. Teachers are not frightened to discuss issues with parents.

A smaller school does mean less people to socialise with and actully his core group of friends aren’t from the school , they are from a club he attended outside of school.

But overall he has been happy there, not without problems but he is happy with having gone there and will miss it.

I am happy as I do feel from being a small child he was very well looked after and cared for and like I say the teachers all knew them well. I don’t wish I had made a different decision about this education.

Absolutely worth it for my two DC. They are happy, great sport, complete free choice for GCSE’s and A levels - school timetable all combinations so no choosing from ‘blocks’, specialist subject teachers in junior school all the way through. All the music/art/drama/MFLs they want, plus Latin/Greek/classics if that’s your thing. Minimal disruption, children who are engaged and want to learn, spaces in breakfast club/after school for anyone who wants them.

I’m sure there are plenty of state schools who offer similar, but not where we live, so we chose to pay. We do earn well so whilst it’s a big expense, it’s not prohibitive for us. We’d probably have a bigger house/newer cars/more holidays without the fees, but it was the right decision for us.

Yes. I have neurodivergent kids and we tried a mix of private and state schools. For us private was worth every penny. Perhaps if I’d had neurotypical kids both would have been happy at a state school. Apart from the benefits of small class sizes the curriculum was more flexible and dd2 was able to give up French and dd1 had to go private to do the choice of A levels she wanted. Our local state schools didn’t offer them and we found a private school that jiggled around everyone’s timetables so they all got the a levels than they wanted.

My DD was private from 11-16. I think it wasn’t worth it and I rather wish we hadn’t. We sent her because she was very average at primary school but also very small for her age - by several years. I thought a large comprehensive would be overwhelming and she’d be very overlooked, and smaller classes would be better. She did fine academically at school but was in the bottom sets for everything, which seriously affected her confidence. Lots of other girls had been at prep schools and were from much wealthier families than ours, though we weren’t badly off ourselves. That was a bit tricky at times. When she moved to a comprehensive sixth form, the behaviour of some pupils took some getting used to. But her confidence grew there by miles. She eventually went on to get a first class degree from a top university.

There are a billion threads on this and it basically comes down to how good is your local?

I have been to both and don’t see benefits to private over my kids local state school. We live in a great are and their senior is amazing. Many trips abroad, Astro, full theatre, 80 plus clubs, three points different to the grammar in results etc.

If your state is good save the money.

Private school does have smaller classes but where we are iparents send their kids kids who can’t cope with state school and often are ND.or have learning difficulties (fine but progression is mixed) so they have other challenges. Sports teams can be limited due to numbers of kids.

Behaviour at our state is great. Teachers have great relationships with students (my son played a stadium game and his PE teachers all
went).

If your local isn’t great then spend the money - but moving would be a better choice.

Worth every sacrifice and would do it again, worth it for us

i am glad there's just one left from September though, 3 was hard

I will add were up north so much cheaper
options for independent schools than some, and we've managed to stay living in an ex authority semi for the duration which keeps costs down.

Our neurodivergent child was the target of bullies through state school. By secondary the violence was getting really bad so we reluctantly put them in private. My goodness it’s worth every single penny. Calm, respectful, safe environment that just isn’t available in state schools. The education is night and day. Your child will come out so much more confident, happy, intelligent, empathetic. I laugh when people talk of ‘connections’. Thats totally irrelevant!

I would agree that the very luckiest people are those with a good, safe state school option. That’s real privilege!

This is the thing that baffles me. These schools cost more yearly than some people’s annual wages. More than some household’s entire income.

And they claim to be normal working people

We have 2 dds in a prep school. They're very happy there and learning well, so we think it's worth it. Our local state schools are OK but if we hadn't gone private we would have move to get into a sought-after primary, so comparing it to our local options isn't really relevant. But the best primary schools would still have class sizes twice as big, with no specialist teaching, no specific 11+ prep and not as much sports and arts. The cost of private school hasn't affected what kind of other spending we do, we still do the kind of holidays we like and live in the kind of house we want, and we are still able to put money away for our dc's future.

Worth every penny for us.

Yes, I agree. I really wish we’d had a decent state option, but we didn’t.

id say at least half of people going at there cause the grandparents are paying.

Potentially - but then to have grandparents who can afford that much in retirement again points to the families being wealthy. It’s such a different world.

It's mostly the small class sizes and the extra attention each child gets due to their being fewer of them. More opportunities to speak in public (fewer kids in each school play etc), leading to greater confidence. Generally parents with higher expectations and fewer discipline issues. Fewer kids skipping school and more supervision and dedication to making sure they work.

Equally you do need a good private school and there are definitely good and bad ones.

I have two in secondary school (currently £22k each year per child). Both went to a local village state primary school.

I think the question of what it’s worth is highly subjective. Both my children are very academic (both were greater depth across all indices when they left primary and both got academic scholarships). They achieved that strong basis through the state system, and had they gone to state secondary, I still think they would have done well. They might not have got quite as good GCSE grades as they are both on track to get now (both predicted all 7-9 grades across all subjects), but I don’t think top grades mean everything tbh.

I toyed with the benefits of simply saving the money for their futures, and I can still see the benefits that that option could have afforded them. What I think I am paying for though, and why I think it is still worth it, is the following…
(a) the best opportunity I can provide for them to achieve their academic potential (small classes, good resources, happy teachers, a peer group that is (typically) pretty bright, invested, and not disruptive, etc.)
(b) A broader range of extra curricular activities, sports and trips. (My children are very into sport, which I appreciate could also be sought outside school, but I do find that their school gives them a lovely intro into most sports and depth where they want to focus)
(c) the best chances I feel I can give them to enjoy education for education’s sake (for example, they both studied four languages until year 9, including Latin, which they both enjoyed, even though they have both chosen to pursue only one language at GCSE)
(d) Teachers who have the time to be very engaged with parents and who are able to invest time and resources in children’s bespoke strengths, interests and needs
(e) the best chances I feel I can give them to have the skills and confidence to launch themselves in the world independently. Of course this is also possible at state school, and of course only time will tell if investing in property would actually have served them better in the long run. It’s a gamble. But as far as gambles go, I feel investing in their education, skills and experiences is probably a good one.

I would like to add that I am not at all naive to the fact though that some of their primary friends who went to the local state secondary are also predicted to do very well. My children are still very good friends with a lot of their primary school friends, so I see them and their families a lot. I also find the balance that their mixed friendship groups offers them to be a huge asset for them, and I hope those friendships will last into adulthood.

Totally agree with a PP that the answer entirely depends on how good your local state school is. I think a lot of people look at their small primary child and think they couldn’t possibly cope with the the massive state school down the road where runout has it pupils run amok and bullying is rife 😀 they come into mumsnet and read the same - - State schools are hellish places that aren’t fit for any child. Now obviously some are but many are great places with super engaged teachers, loads of extra curricular activities and heaps of trips. Ours is pretty run of the mill average comp in an average area and it has been great for my kids who have thrived there. We did do private primary for one and would not bother again. I’m pleased to have saved the money and spent it on other stuff and saved for the kids futures. BUT we are lucky that we have a good school on our doorstep. I agree that that is the luckiest position to be in - not having to fork out 2-300k for an average private because your local state is crap. So I do feel for those who have no choice (or feel they have no choice),

I don’t regret a penny.

The breadth of opportunity, range of subjects and sports, the quiet confidence and most importantly happiness, are all excellent.

It’s often a choice though, rather than a privilege, many people will choose a smaller house, or less nice one in exchange for being close to a good school.

Having said that, we have brilliant state schools next to us but are the only people in our street using them.