AIBU to warn a friend about a birthday party invitation?

[EggSugarButterLemon]

I’ve been invited to my very good friends surprise birthday party in August. Lovely idea I know.

But for complicated reasons to do with my friends mental health that the relative is not aware of she will HATE this and possibly cause a relapse in MH episode she has worked hard to come out of.

But she’ll still have to go so perhaps not knowing and just managing on the day will be good for her?

Also it’s not my business to say anything.

But think she’ll be cross at me not warning her.

What would people do?

Not knowing one specific trauma doesn’t mean the person isn’t close to the person.

Literally 5 people in the world know I was sexually assaulted by hearing it from me - one friend, my DH, a nurse and a doctor at the minor injuries, and my therapist. It’s not something I share with people even very very close to me.

I would tell the organiser that you want to let them know that your friend would really hate the surprise element of the party as you and her have an agreement to promise to tell each other if a surprise party is ever going to be organised for each other. That way there is no doubt for the organiser that your friend will hate it. The only issue with this is if your friend would be upset with the party aspect as well and not just the surprise aspect.

If you have a way to get in touch with the organiser for the purposes of attending, perhaps you could tell them and at least suggest that if they go ahead the ‘cover story’ is taking them out for a small birthday meal or something, so your friend has a chance to mentally prepare for a celebration and dress appropriately?