AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

[Midweekweddingwoes]

DSIL is sulking because we have said we can't all make her wedding.... But she's booked it for a Wednesday in term time next (academic) year. We live over 200 miles away and so does another of her siblings. Our kids will be in year 11 and year 13 so we just can't ask them to miss at least 2, realistically 3, days off school for her wedding.

We are thinking DH will go and I will stay at home , and DBIL is planning to do the same. She's really upset with us apparently, but while I understand she wants to save money I just can't understand why she would expect teens to miss a chunk of school in their exam year for it .

You said what you would do if you liked your SiL, OPs sister in law is not being likeable through her behaviour, so understandable why it's not appealing to attend such an inconvenient event.
Can't imagine anyone being keen to use AL and do a 400 mile trip.

I still think YANBU and your children should stay in school but I think I would try and go with DH if I could and have someone pop in to check on DC’s and accept they might need some taxi fares for a couple of days whilst you’re away.

But I am struggling to understand why you would need 3 days leave, what time does the wedding start? If it’s 1/2pm you could easily leave the morning of about 7/7:30am, just stay the night and come home the next day? Or don’t drink and leave at 8/9pm and come home sameday.

not ideal but I would probably do it for my SIL as a one off

OP, you’re going to be in the trenches enough, with both GCSE and A level students to consider, plus the difficulty using public transport for them to get to school/college and the need for them not to miss any more school time then is absolutely essential because of their medical appointments.

GCSE is a stepping stone to further education and A level is the same for university or higher education. Maths A level is known to be very intense I believe and missing two or three days of any content at any level can mean so much catching up. If you aren’t in the thick of it, you probably wouldn’t know that.

Rather than the bride being offended you’re not going, I think you should be offended that they’ve chosen a time that’s massively inconvenient to you.

Yes, I did indeed write that. How is that related to liking (or not liking) „ a sulker“?

I would use two (and even three…) days of annual leave to attend my SIL‘s wedding if I liked her and knew my my attendance was meaningful to her.

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts this is tedious. I meant there's nothing to like about the SiLs behaviour, so no need for OP to like her, or want to attend her event. I won't be replying to this thread again, it getting derailed.

Two days isn’t a chunk of school, stop being so dramatic.

This. I wouldn’t even feel guilty or explain myself. The kids can’t make it and that’s that. Let her sulk.

Three days, not two. The day before to travel 200 miles, the day of th wedding itself and the day after to travel back.

That is an awful lot of missed school in exam year.

It sounds like you don’t want to go, which is absolutely your choice.
She is allowed to feel upset or disappointed that you aren’t attending though.
We've had a couple of weddings on DH’s side where it was hard for us to attend for various reasons. I understood both stances.

I agree with you Pumpkins and Coconuts.

It basically comes down to do you want to go.... because if you did, you would. You would. I would never have missed any of my siblings or my husbands siblings weddings. But I like them all very much and it was also important to my husband to be there.

If this Wednesday wedding was in school holidays, the OP’s children wouldn’t be missing school to attend so there wouldn’t be a thread. It’s term-time weekday weddings that aren’t local that are tricky for guests to attend.

YANBU.
clearly the couple are saving money by having a midweek wedding but this is more expensive for the guests.
it’s a wedding not a summons so they really should have thought of the impact their choice may have on others.
with regards to the school, rightly or wrongly, the absence for the year 11 child may not be authorised and in which case the OP could be liable for action against her. It depends on their school and Local Authority.
in short, if your attendance matters so much to them why are they choosing a date that you cannot attend/is inconvenient to attend.
on saying that, do be prepared that this may fracture your relationship. I am NC with my ILs that pulled a similar stunt then took offence when I didn’t go.

Saving money isn’t the only reason for a weekday wedding. We got married four months after we decided we’d do it. Weekends are booked up years ahead, weekdays aren’t.

A Wednesday wedding will be cheaper for the couple but more inconvenient for their guests! She needs to accept that not everyone can take time off! We just sucked up the extra £750 Saturday supplement and made savings elsewhere!!

To me, this would depend on which term it had been booked. Summer would be no chance.