AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

[Midweekweddingwoes]

DSIL is sulking because we have said we can't all make her wedding.... But she's booked it for a Wednesday in term time next (academic) year. We live over 200 miles away and so does another of her siblings. Our kids will be in year 11 and year 13 so we just can't ask them to miss at least 2, realistically 3, days off school for her wedding.

We are thinking DH will go and I will stay at home , and DBIL is planning to do the same. She's really upset with us apparently, but while I understand she wants to save money I just can't understand why she would expect teens to miss a chunk of school in their exam year for it .

Let her sulk. As MN likes to say "it's not a summons" etc!

If they were primary age I’d say take them out. But not in year 11 or year 13. Your plan is sensible.

I would miss a Wednesday wedding even if I didnt have children

I don't think 2/3 days will have much impact on exam results but that's your choice.

If they don't want to go is there no way they could stay with friends so both you and your DH could go?

All that said, if someone has a mid week wedding, they have to realise it won't suit a lot of people.

Oh yeah, I mean the teens are clear they don't want to miss several days of school for it.
She knew full well it was their exam year! That's what I don't understand. I mean fine I understand the wish to cut costs considerably and have a week day wedding but to have it in term time when we live so far away felt like she didn't care if we went or not so we were a bit taken aback to hear she was upset

Both have medical conditions that mean they always miss several days of school a year for unavoidable medical appointments, so they feel that they don't want to miss any more

Cut costs for one couple while everyone else loses work? I think they can expect a large number of guests to opt out.

Week days weddings are absolutely ridiculous in general but particularly during exam years. I m with you @Midweekweddingwoes

let her sulk. She ll see when she has kids. Karma

She can have her wedding when she wants but she'll have to accept that people might not be able to attend. Let her sulk.

She’s being unreasonable, obviously.
Be glad your kids have a good work ethic! Maybe if she gets over her sulk you and they could do a video greeting in the evening or suchlike?

I’ve been to 2 midweek weddings BUT they were both over the Christmas/new year period when a lot of guests were off work/school and everyone attending stayed locally. Not me though I had to use 2 days leave for each

Let your SIL sulk, your children don’t even want to go so your plan is perfect. She had to realise that her choices might mean that a few guests won’t be able to attend

you literally don't need to justify it OP - they have school so they can't go. She is selfish booking it mid week just to save a bit of money and expecting others to adjust their lives.
The only time mid week weddings are acceptable IMO is if it's in the holidays, you are both teachers, and all the rest of your guests are either teachers, retired, or unemployed.

I have a Wednesday wedding later this year. I’ll be going but DH and DD wont be, on account of the fact that I wouldn’t take DD out of school for it. No issues with the happy couple, they accept it.

Well, she's only got herself to blame hasn't she!

a good stiff ignoring is required!

If her siblings have kids already quite grown up, then is she an older bride? Maybe she’s got a bit of “it’s finally my time so everyone should do what I want” going on.

If you have your wedding on a weekday (or in a random place) then you have to accept you’ll have guests who cannot come and guests who won’t.

If you want your closest family there you check dates before you book. If you go for the middle of the week you’re gambling attendance

I know someone who had a Wednesday wedding, hardly anyone was left by 9 pm at the reception as lots people went home. There was zero atmosphere

Oh dear. YANBU. OP.

When will people understand the simple fact that very few people care about your wedding in the way you do?? I see these problems all over MN.

I worked with a woman who had gone NC with her teacher aunt because the aunt had declined to come to her wedding on a weekday in termtime. Teachers have long holidays, yes, but they cannot get annual leave for any other day unless it's a close relative's funeral. It seems many people don't realise this.

Stay strong - let her sulk. It's a big ask to expect people to travel 200 miles to your wedding on any day of the year.

a wednesday wedding is very inconvenient and selfish

Midweek weddings are the pits. You have to expect people won’t turn up because attending means 2 or 3 days off work never mind school for the children! Also who wants to get wasted and party on a Wednesday? It just isn’t a vibe. Let her sulk, her fault for being cheap.

Let her sulk.
I would not go.

Your children sound brilliant. Good for them not wanting to miss school!

She’s a dumbass. I bet you guys won’t be the only ones missing it or sending a small contingent. A lot of people won’t feel able to miss a couple of days of work either

If her priority was saving money she should be delighted that her choices are reducing the guest list to skeleton attendance.

This reminds me of the Tuesday wedding we went to. Luckily the children only missed one day of primary school but we both had to leave at 9pm to drive back. I wouldn’t have gone in if they were in year 11. Girls went to bed late and struggled to wake up the next day for school. I remember thinking how selfish the bride and groom were, to save money. They seemed surprised we were
leaving! Sorry the whole world doesn’t revolve around you guys, was what I wanted to say to them!