AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

[Midweekweddingwoes]

DSIL is sulking because we have said we can't all make her wedding.... But she's booked it for a Wednesday in term time next (academic) year. We live over 200 miles away and so does another of her siblings. Our kids will be in year 11 and year 13 so we just can't ask them to miss at least 2, realistically 3, days off school for her wedding.

We are thinking DH will go and I will stay at home , and DBIL is planning to do the same. She's really upset with us apparently, but while I understand she wants to save money I just can't understand why she would expect teens to miss a chunk of school in their exam year for it .

Anyone that books a weekday wedding and hasn't expected loads of declines, hasn't throught it through. That's not your fault. She's likely upset because she feels a bit daft, but again, not your fault.

Anyone that can attend will go, that's all that can ever be expected.

What time of the year is it? I can understand the children not wanting to go anyway, but it's even more ridiculous and short sighted of her if it's in the summer term rather than November say.

If you all live that far apart and she didn't discuss this with you before booking it then you can't be that close anyway. I'd ignore reports of her upset and just send dh and wish them well, looking forward to seeing pics etc.

A mid week wedding in the same town is one thing (the kids could come after school) but one that is 200 miles away is a lot more complicated. Yanbu to not go.

Exactly!

The couple are expecting people to take at least 1 days annual leave (assuming most people work Monday - Friday). They need to accept some prison can’t or won’t be able to attend.

Can’t you go with DH and leave the kids at home?

Could you go with your DH and leave the kids at home by themselves for a couple of days?

Definitely agree that the kids shouldn’t go though.

YANBU, I'm guessing she has gone for a fancy venue that she wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. If your presence was that important to her, she should have gone for a cheaper venue and hosted at the weekend but she has put playing princess for a day above ensuring her family can celebrate with her.

For those saying go with DH - it's a possibility but means paying for taxis to get the kids to school as they live quite a distance from school. And it means taking 3 days out of my leave when I would prefer to use it during the school holidays so we can go away

The Wednesday wedding thread was only getting positive responses when they elaborated to say they knew all 20 guests well enough to make sure it wasn't a total pain for them.

This is a wedding OP needs to travel to, mid week, term time. The couple are saving themselves money but costing all their guests considerably more time and money than a weekend wedding. There are consequences to that decision, the main one being people not wanting to go.

OP YANBU, but handle it tactfully. I'm not sure the missing school excuse will ring true to a lot of people, so try not to give justifications people will argue against. It's better to cushion this in lots of positives. Just say you and DCs can't make it, will celebrate when we see you, DH is looking forward to it, have a great day.

@Random321 You’d be wrong about that. Three days in year thirteen could be several missed lessons in a subject and that could be a whole topic. That topic could come up in the exam. The teaching Syllabus at A level is packed and sometimes class revision isn’t possible. The student would have to teach themselves an element of the course.
That is why teachers, schools etc go on about attendance. The statistics show students with higher attendance get better grades. It matters.

It's a wedding, it's nothing important except to the two people getting married.
She might even be on here in a couple of years moaning and being told to leave her h. There is no way I'd take my kids out of school if I was in your situation.
She's disappointed but she needs to get over it.

Exactly, and our year 13 is doing 4 a levels (including maths and further maths) so thats a lot of content missed

Why wouldn't the missing school excuse "ring true"? We only miss school for illness /hospital appointments we have no choice over ...

Text back "The reason why midweek termtime weddings are more affordable is because so many people will find it impossible to attend. I can't do anything about the fact that it's GCSE & A-Level exam year for the kids and it's just not sensible for them to miss a chunk of school for this. We'll be thinking of you and wishing you a brilliant day."

A Friday wedding might have just about been OK but Wednesday 200 miles from home. No thanks.

I think your suggestion of your DH and DBIL going is a good compromise.

The world doesn't revolve around a badly timed wedding.

I wouldn’t particularly respect the opinions of people for whom not missing school in gcse/a level years was deemed a poor excuse rather than a bleedingly obvious fact.

Nothing wrong with a quick register office or civil ceremony marriage on a weekday, maybe with a few friends that have booked the day off.

As someone has said, that is different to 'playing princesses' ( love that phrase) for a full blown wedding in term time.

Of course people are going to put their own families first, saving their annual leave and not disrupting school studies or work. Weddings are only the centre of the universe for those getting married. For everyone else, it's just a nice day and evening out.

Also I agree with an evening do being totally pointless; nobody will be drinking and everyone will be clock watching.

You have to be pretty self absorbed as a bride to think it would be any other way.

Can you not go with DH or are the teenagers reliant on you for transport?

She'll have fewer people there, so it'll be even cheaper - just what she wanted!

She’s an arse. Let her sulk

Can you go with your husband and get someone to keep an eye on them ?
Someone very trustworthy and able to deal with literally anything that might happen ?
Then you could potentially travel on the day of the wedding, stay over a night and come back next day ?
200 miles is too far to just go for the day

Don't give it a second of thought. Your husband should reconsider going, too. Sulkers should not get rewarded.

For family weddings, we take the kids out of school but they are still in primary school. Your DC are old enough to make their own decision on if they want to miss school or not.

But you SIL can't be upset if she booked a weekday wedding. She has to know some people won't come. I booked a Friday wedding completely understanding some people wouldn't be able to come.

Because people w/o kids and a long way away from their own exams don't give a shit and assume it's 'just a few days off.'

It's not reasonable, but that's why.

What's a few days off? they think. Also: I guess with the younger one you could be fined? Which they may not know (or care about.) Not sure if they can do that at A level.

She sounds very self-centred. YANBU and she should be happy her brother will still be there with the fact it’s a Wednesday and so far to travel. What a weirdo