AIBU to say our family will miss a Wednesday wedding in term time?

[Midweekweddingwoes]

DSIL is sulking because we have said we can't all make her wedding.... But she's booked it for a Wednesday in term time next (academic) year. We live over 200 miles away and so does another of her siblings. Our kids will be in year 11 and year 13 so we just can't ask them to miss at least 2, realistically 3, days off school for her wedding.

We are thinking DH will go and I will stay at home , and DBIL is planning to do the same. She's really upset with us apparently, but while I understand she wants to save money I just can't understand why she would expect teens to miss a chunk of school in their exam year for it .

Why should she have to go to all that trouble and expense? The bride made a choice and so has OP.

At this point in time OP cannot possibly know whether her teens will have any coursework deadlines, mocks or NEA's (espeically the one in A level year.

My daughter didn't evn want to travel to a family wedding in half term of her GCSE year as it wouod disrupt her revision.

I agree - When people book there weddings on week days or abroad they must have it in their heads that not everyone can come, dont cause drama or sulk. You want as much people to attend then have it on a day or a location that is good for majority of your guests
Op she has a choice save money or have more guests and pay more up to her
Simples

With dc in Y11 and 13, we would just both go. They can stay home by themselves for a night (200 miles is an easy 1 day drive so only one overnight unless Dh wanted to stay longer, then fine). At 15, I was doing a week or two home alone, walking to school, getting to sports practice, etc when my mum had to travel for work (single mum, no family help). Unless they are SEN, they can manage a night home alone surely. 😂

My SIL wanted my son to go to her son’s wedding in Ireland on a weekend in GCSE time. I said no because he wouldn’t have done any revision with so much going on around him and if the flights back were delayed or cancelled, it would have been utterly stressful getting back for a Monday GCSE paper. She put up counter-arguments but I held firm and my husband and other child went without my son and me.

It's not just one night though. It would be a minimm of 2 nights (3 days incuding travel). I would not leave a year 11 alone that long, especially if they had not yet turned 16.

Why would anyone do that when they could just stay home? OP said it would the three days of annual leave. Plus childcare (overnight babysitter?), accomodation, and a 400 mile round trip?

All to appease an inconsiderate sulker.

No way would I be doing that. Annual leave is precious, and you don’t have many more opportunities for holidays with your DC before they start uni etc.

I begrudged taking my kids out for 2 days for a family wedding in primary school. Definitely would not doing it in secondary, especially yrs 11 and 13.

Bridezilla in action. She'll either get over it - or won't.

They wouldn’t be home alone though, they’d be with a 17/18 year old sibling.

You really expect a 17/18 year old studying for A levels with their own exam stresses to be responsible for their 15/16 year old sibling?

Why would missing 2 or 3 days matter? The DC might be off for a cold for longer. This obsession that every day at school counts baffles me as an ex-teacher. Go to the wedding. DC will enjoy it.

2-3 days is a hell of a long time during GCSE/A level year.

Both mine miss a fair bit for school for their chronic illness /hospital appointments. They dont want to miss more than they have to. That's their choice

It's not the feeding them etc, if we aren't there to give lifts to school/college it would cost a fortune in taxis

I always say that couples have to understand if they hold their weddings at a time or place that makes it hard for others to attend, they have to accept the consequences of that decision.

No, I’d expect them to be responsible for themselves at that age but home alone is different IMO to being home alone with an older sibling.
I had an evening job, a mortgage and a baby when I sat my A-levels. Two nights with the average 15 year old shouldn’t be especially taxing.

Obviously you're right. But even without kids, I wouldn't be taking 2-3 days of leave to go to someone else's wedding. She's barking.

Mine are more than capable of looking after themselves, but our local bus services have been decimated so it would be a whole load of faff with taxis to get them to school/college

I understand your children not wanting to go… refusing to use 2 maybe 3 days of leave? I personally don’t agree with that reasoning - if I liked SIL and wanted to actually attend her wedding.

If you don‘t want to attend and are looking for an excuse? Fair enough…🤷‍♀️

Perfectly reasonable for the kids not to attend and that would be a no brainer for me.
If you genuinely can't ask any friends or family on your side to do some school runs on two days - no reason not to drive there after school the evening before the wedding then it's also perfectly reasonable for you to swerve it too.

My brother and SIL asked, were given likely dates for school terms, exams and planned accordingly. If your SIL wanted you all to be there, she could have easily made it a mid week wedding when they were off school.

what's wrong with weekday weddings now?

If you don't want to go, just don't, but how weird to assume that weekends weddings are more convenient?

The OP is doing the right thing for her circumstances, and is very sensible, I wouldn't plan for kids that age to miss school either, so early that you don't even know the school schedule anyway. It doesn't mean a Saturday wedding would be any better.

Nobody likes a sulker. Wasting 3 days of annual leave to indulge someone's choice to have a weekday wedding is unnecessary.
People who really want guests to their event make it as easy as possible for the guests to attend.

She sounds very selfish and self absorbed. I wouldn’t be taking the DC out of school!

I don’t recall mentioning anything about liking a sulker…

OP prefers to take those 2-3 days of annual leave so she can go away with her family (according to her own posts).

Those are her priorities and that’s obviously her right.
It simply doesn’t sound as if she was particularly keen to attend her SIL’s wedding to begin with (to me personally).