To want to contribute financially to our new house

[WestLondonWoman]

Parents who have set up home with a new partner, I'd really appreciate some thoughts and insight please.
I've met a lovely man, a widow and we've been together for 3 years. I never wanted children but have been accepted by his children ( late teens/ early 20's, in education or working, all living at home) and love them absolutely.
We don't live together at the moment but I spend every weekend and sometimes midweek nights at his. I contribute financially to both household and children. We are 40 miles apart and haven't moved in together yet because of a legal easement issue with my Victorian property which is proving a tiny but incredibly difficult problem to resolve so I can't go on the market.

We have found the perfect house in his area which I love, but he seems to want to buy himself and not jointly. For context he is much wealthier than me but I could contribute 25% now from savings and more when I sell my house.
I have a good job, own my own home, car etc no debt whatsoever and very decent six figure savings.
Should I accept that he is probably* safeguarding his children's future inheritance or listen to my internal want to own at least a percentage of the house I will call home? Or is owning a percentage the emotional and financial messiest situation? What I want to avoid is a) me feeling like a visitor or b) he makes reference only to 'my' house.

We are discussing this weekend, I would appreciate outside input before then so I have a balanced view. At the moment I oscillate between thinking I can invest my savings and the proceeds from my house sale to afford to contribute towards a comfortable lifestyle where I'm not dependent on him, or feeling beholden to living in a house I don't own.
For the record, he is amazing, very loving and generous and that his children are his priority is a given and amplified by parental bereavement.
YABU - he is safeguarding his children's future and you are massively over-thinking this
YANBU - living in a house you don't have some ownership of doesn't work

You.say that you contribute financially to his household when you stay there.
Food bills etc.

But why are you contributing towards his children.
In what way?

Why are you giving him £200 a month when you don’t live there?? You’re a weekend guest. It’s also ridiculous that you’re sending the eldest £600 a year and paying for the youngest’s mobile phone. Red flag that your wealthy boyfriend accepts this. You also sound desperate for your boyfriend’s and his children’s approval.

I agree.
I can definitely imagine bringing a couple of bottles of wine to a boyfriend's house, and did when i was going to stay my now husband for the weekend.

But paying to be in his house, having travelled there, spending 700 a year on his children, of a wealthy man?

Desperation and really making little of yourself.

Very strange to be doing both these things.
Desperation is not a good look.

Pull back OP.
Read "Women who love too much." By Robin Norwood.

Good to hear.
Just be aware that the legislation about being a landlord has tightened, and it is not easy. If you suddenly needed the buy-to-let to move into yourself, it might not be possible without a very long wait due to tenants' new rights.
Consider investing in other assets instead of property.

I would not move in with him if you don’t have any legal rights . All sorts could happen and it’s messy.
Could, once your house is sorted, move closer?