AIBU to ask my mum to cancel her holiday hotel booking?

[MammaBear4000]

Booked a weeks holiday with my 7yo son (I have more AL than husband). We've got a week away at the start of the summer holidays I was looking forward to.

Sent a message to the family group chat saying 'first solo holiday with [my son] 🥳' thinking nothing of it. Mum asked where I was going so sent her a link to the hotel.

She's now booked the same holiday (solo room). Sent me a message saying was it ok (i'm working and can't respond straight away...but I would have said it's my first mum and son solo holiday and was looking forward to it). Before I had the chance to reply she booked it.

She fucking booked it within 4 mins of sending the original message.

Now here's were the AIBU part comes in. I want to ask her to cancel (she will lose money on this). Last year she joined a week away with me and my son and completely ruined the holiday. I don't want that to happen again and I can't bear the idea of no buffer and her being with us for a week in the same hotel. We have separate rooms but she won't leave us alone I know that.

She probably took you announcing it on the family chat as a hint you wanted company, especially as she went away with you before! What made you put it on there 🙈😄

Why did you tell everyone and send your DM a link if you didn't want her to think of booking? Lesson learned.

Tbh she sounds like my mum, never asks permission and relies on making people uncomfortable enough so they don’t say no. Whatever way you decide to do this I guarantee you will be the arsehole and your Mum will be the victim to whoever will listen so may as well get it over with early and have a nice holiday alone with your son.…

sorry I can’t be more helpful and good luck!

Give her hell & ruin HER holiday.

Why dont you just be honest. You can do it without being cruel. Just say you were really looking forward to it being you and your son and does she mind if she just cancels. It's a bit sad if she is just a bit of a clumsy person who doesnt quite get it. If that's the case and she is well.meaning then I'd be firm but kind. If on the otherhand she is bossy and overbearing and pushy, and doesnt ever take your needs into account. then maybe you just need to tell her to keep her nose oot.

You talk about telling her you need space, but can you not tell her you won't be spending ANY time at all with her and mean it? You'll need to explain it to your DC which will be a bit awkward but it's of her doing.

You sent her the link so she probably thought you wanted her to go as you couldn’t cope by yourself.

Since she actually asked the question would you be fine with it I think you should be honest 'no Mum not really, as I said in my message I'm really looking forward to spending time alone with ds'.

If she says well it's too late now I'd tell her that that's her problem and you'll be spending the holiday going out and about with ds just as you planned. You need strong boundaries with cfers.

Next time do not announce it.

Best to be really honest and just say "Mum, it was a disaster last time wasn't it? I don't think we should do it again, and you should have waited for my response". It doesn't matter if she's angry because you don't seem to have much to lose if she is. No point creeping about the hotel sticking letters under doors etc - you'll just feel tense all the time. Say it like it is.

You sound nice

Did she ever admit she was wrong in her actions OP?

OP said that she was going on a solo holiday with her son and her mum asked her where she was going. That's why she sent her a link. Considering that her mum ruined their last holiday by nearly letting her grandchild drown, I doubt that she really thought that OP wanted her to go because she couldn't cope by herself. She sounds like she just tries to bulldoze OP into situations that she isn't comfortable with.

I think you and your son will have a great holiday finding things to do and places to go avoiding Granny. Make a game of it. Tables for two in the dining room, sneaking out of the back door of the hotel. Arranging to meet in reception and ‘forgetting’.

She still sounds nicer than OP's mum.

Honestly, given you’ve told her it’s a different hotel & she’s ’having none of it’, I’d just say ‘please yourself mum…it does look nice, hope you enjoy it…we won’t be there though’.

Stick to that. You’ve booked a different hotel & you aren’t telling her where because you just want a mum & son break, & she’s already tried to crash it, so you absolutely aren’t telling her anything about your Plan B, sorry mum. Conversation over.

She can do what she wants with that information; if she wants to go to the place in the link for a solo holiday, how nice for her.

Make sure you repeat all this to your nosiest, most shit-stirring sibling, so they Flying Monkey it back. You’ve changed your plans, mum doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend this, you’re sorry she’s being frankly weird, but what can you do? It’s up to mum 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Give this a few days to sink in - any luck she’ll throw a huff & cancel, & you can quietly go ahead with Plan A.

If she insists she’s still going you’ll have to be as good as your word & cancel/amend your booking.

Either way you’ll both have learned something - she will have learned not to crash your holiday, you’ll have learned not to share the plans.

Short term pain long term gain.

I've sent people links to hotels when they've asked where I'm staying. Others have sent me links. No normal person takes this as an invitation to book and no normal person would refuse to send a link in case someone with no history of gatecrashing suddenly decides to gatecrash. You did nothing wrong.

can you send me your email? Im going to be asking you to make up all my future excuses, these are awesome! 😂

She probably should have asked and made sure rather than inviting herself along. Last time she tried to kill the boy, not sure how she can help if the OP couldn’t cope.

When did you make the booking? Is the hotel part of a group and could you ask them to swap it, under the circumstances, for another of their hotels? And if that idea won't work, how much would you lose if you cancelled? It might be something you have to regard as a 'daft mistake surcharge' that's worth it to get away from your mum gatecrashing.

Really? They all sounded very apologetic for something that OP’s mum was totally responsible for.

Book yourself and your son onto some day trips and don't tell her until it's too late for her to go.
Just focus on what the two of you want to do and be strong about that. Tell her that you want time just the two of you.

There is absolutely no way I'd go on this holiday. If she won't cancel I'd personally go without something/anything or even sell something, to pay and change either the location or the date, and NOT tell her.

It's not unusual to tell family members you're going on holiday and where, but no one has ever sent me a link to the hotel they're staying in. Why would you?

Surely 'common sense' would be assuming an update is not an invitation? It's perfectly normal to share updates and plans on a group chat - I don't know anyone who would assume an update is an invitation, hence why she messaged asking if she could join (but then booked it anyway!)