AIBU to feel stuck financially while working part-time with young twins?

[Handsfreeme]

I’m 30 and have 2-year-old twin boys. At the moment I only work 2 days a week because that’s what works best for our family while the boys are little. Husband works full time and covers majority of the bills.

Financially we’re stable. We have good savings (over £40k invested), our yearly expenses are budgeted for, and we have equity in our home and another property. However, because I’m only working part-time, for the next 2–3 years until the kids start school I’ll essentially just be maintaining our finances rather than adding significantly to our savings.

I know logically we’re fortunate and I should be grateful for what we have, but I find it quite disheartening watching friends and family progress financially while I feel as though I’m standing still.

Did anyone else go through this stage when their children were young? Did you feel better once they started school and you had more opportunity to work and save again?

Just looking for some reassurance and perspective really.

Sounds like you’ll be okay.

Believe me even if you could afford full time childcare and went full time it can mentally break you when caring for two so young.

What you are actually doing is self preservation and being there for your children so I think you should relax a little because when you go back to full time you’ll see exactly what I was talking about

Your second sentence says that this is best for your family. If this set up is best for you then I would go over the positives points of this set up whenever you feel like you need a reminder.

Or are you unsure if this is best for you?

It sounds an ideal situation really.

I had no choice but to give up work when my eldest was 2 and youngest was a newborn - which ended as me having 7 years off.

Did enjoy it mostly but it felt like I was having to start again trying to get back into work.

Unusual to think you can build savings at this stage. You’re doing great if you can survive without dipping in to existing money. Just make sure you protect your own finances and maintain pension etc. this is the stage that women often struggle to climb out of and reclaim the career they would have had without DC

You’ll be fine. It’s a few short years and they’ll be in school. I went back to work when my twins were 11 months old (had to, sadly no investments here!) and it was staggeringly difficult. Life is far simpler now they’re in school and I still work 4 days a week and have one glorious day to myself. If I could’ve not worked until school, I’d absolutely have done so.

Are you planning/hoping to have more children? Even if you are, one maternity leave for 2 children seems like excellent value in terms of lost income/time out of the workplace. This will be a relatively short period out of your life.

What did you think would happen? At this stage it is extremely rare to be making any substantial savings. Childcare and/or reduced hours are normal for everyone.

As long as you and your husband are a true financial team right now this can work. Just don’t fall into the trap of thinking of it as his money because he is the one working more.

Speaking as part of a household where we both work FT with one 2yo toddler (and I compress hours), the grass isn't greener.

Having said that, I think it would be worth considering scaling up your working hours sooner than the start of school. What about keeping an eye out for the right sort of opportunity that is 3-4 days, rather than two? Especially as the twins get older, it will be easier to steadily ramp up work rather than go all in when they go to school.

I have to work full time with a 2 year old. I am very envious of your position.

I get the feeling the saving bit is driven by him. 12 months savings based on his salary is more than enough. Rest for lifestyle spending at your age

I mean you have £40k in saving and a husband who sits all the bills - you are keeping your hand in work by doing 2 days. It’s inky for a couple of years (not a decade) I think you’ll be ok (mum of twins here who went back to work full time when they were 20 weeks old)

I think it's normal to stand still financially when your children are little.
I wouldn't worry. It will pass more quickly than you want it to !

Make sure you are using the time to plan what you'd like to do (work more hours, career change etc) and what childcare you might use when they are older.

This is what I always think. I appreciate it's hard with cash flow, particularly if you are on a low income and there are certain extra expenses with twins (like buying duplicates rather than passing items down) but in the long term it must be financially far more efficient than having two children a couple of years apart. I felt similarly to you when my children were young but the time genuinely flies by. It's really a very short period in terms of your lifetime earnings.

You're not standing still. You are keeping your career and pension credits alive during the brief time your children are pre-school age. If you worked full time, after nursery fees or a nanny's salary, taxes and commuting costs you'd be no better off but absolutely exhausted and wishing you weren't missing out on your children;s formative years.

I hope your partner pays the nursery fees so you have something to show for your work.

I’m going to say that you sound bloody miserable. Your family is financially secure and you have two beautiful young children I think you need to stop looking at other people and relax and enjoy your life. Most people at this stage of life have very little savings. I’m going to make your head explode and tell you that I became a fulltime sahm and effectively haven’t contributed any money to the family coffers in years and I don’t feel guilty about that or feel stuck financially. Is your DH making you feel guilty about the family finance situation?

Sounds like you need to cut netflix out maybe? I joke. You are fine.

I imagine someone who would like a work/ life balance would find it disheartening not to have a job at all, and see others’ careers progressing while theirs goes backwards. Or those unable to find PT flexibility, or having to return full time to pay the mortgage.

Point being, the best you can hope for as a mum is the luxury of choosing your own problem to have.

You should be fine. Imagine the childcare you’d pay for 2. Think of the savings you’re making there and by being lucky enough to work part time and look after them. You’ll build up your savings in time. Honestly, compared to some mums I know (my DB and SIL) you’re bloody lucky to be in the position you are in. Most mums of babies I know take a year off if they can afford to do so, when baby is born then straight back to work at 1 year old. That’s the lucky ones.

Unpopular opinion here, but I chose not to work part time when mine were young even though we could afford to live on one salary. As much as I love DH, who knows what the future holds so I didn't want to effect my earning potential or own pension contributions and so had mine in FT childcare. Yes it was a struggle logistically foe a couple of years but the children thrived and I continued my career trajectory and I could afford to fully support us should anything happen. I've seen too many women go part time only for their DH to piss off with another woman and then they are left trying to rebuild careers and struggling financially.

As most people do. It’s hard isn’t it? My SIL works full time, has a 2.5 year old and almost 8 year old (Covid delayed ivf for second) they’re at nursery/school all day every day plus breakfast and after school clubs. She even has to work the odd Saturday sometimes (redundancies at her job means she picks up the slack). She does do the odd wfh day but only maybe once a week.

I’m sure you’ll survive. You need to suck it up until the kids are at school.

You don’t know how lucky you are. Don’t compare your life to others