AIBU to feel stuck financially while working part-time with young twins?

[Handsfreeme]

I’m 30 and have 2-year-old twin boys. At the moment I only work 2 days a week because that’s what works best for our family while the boys are little. Husband works full time and covers majority of the bills.

Financially we’re stable. We have good savings (over £40k invested), our yearly expenses are budgeted for, and we have equity in our home and another property. However, because I’m only working part-time, for the next 2–3 years until the kids start school I’ll essentially just be maintaining our finances rather than adding significantly to our savings.

I know logically we’re fortunate and I should be grateful for what we have, but I find it quite disheartening watching friends and family progress financially while I feel as though I’m standing still.

Did anyone else go through this stage when their children were young? Did you feel better once they started school and you had more opportunity to work and save again?

Just looking for some reassurance and perspective really.

Saving and investing are good things to do, but it’s really not a problem if you need to pause them for a couple of years when finances are a bit tight.

As long as you’re not eating into what you have already saved and are going to pick it up again when the children are in school it’s best not to let it concern you.

Why would you say that? She’s worried she has posted for reassurance.

I know if you’re the sort of person who just fiends all you earn rather than being responsible that it can be hard to understand the mindset of people who plan for the future but please at least try to.

Anu UK person not working can pay up to a maximum of £2880 into a SIPP per tax year. The Government adds free money up to £3600.

Suggest you do this while you are not working.

The downside is that you due to your age cannot access the money until you are 57.

Alternately pay into tax free LISA or ISA

I think you're in a very fortunate position, just as you are.

However yes, I can understand why you're thinking about it. I have twins too and went back to work full time and they went to full-time childcare (3 days nursery, 3 days family). Yes, I do think doing so put me in a better position career-wise, but everyone is different.

I find it quite disheartening watching friends and family progress financially while I feel as though I’m standing still.

Are you dissatisfied with your day to day life? What do you want different? What is driving the not feeling good about this?

Honestly, it sounds like you are in a great place given all the variables, so where is this anxiety coming from? Are you hating only working 2 days a week because it is soul destroying spending five days a week with twin toddlers? (No judgement, I had twin toddlers and hated it.) Or are you concerned about your own financial independence in the event of a split?

If you have a good relationship, and are doing OK with being at home with DT, try to let go of the financial jealousy. You are financially stable which is a lot more than many can say; and all of us can find our circumstances change abruptly and we have no control over that. Try to focus more on the good things you have in your life and stop panicking about what everyone else has / is doing.

Just like the OP you’re tone deaf.

Your attitude of thinking that anyone who isn’t as privileged as the OP must “fiend what they earn” is so entitled and completely wrong.

There are people out there who are living pay day to pay day and not because they’re pissing it all away.

Absolutely everything has gone up in cost. food, fuel, bills and so on.
Rent is extortionate and childcare is too.

Your attitude absolutely stinks and you need to check your privilege.

When you say friends and family are progressing financially what do you mean?
I have no clue what my friends and family's finances are? For all know they could have millions hidden away or equally everything could be paid for with loans and credit cards.

I thought this might be a thread I could relate to and then I read that you have £40K invested and two properties 😂 I think you'll be fine op

Honestly the years go so fast, they'll be at school before you know it and you'll never get this time back. The financial sacrifice short time is so worth it imo, try to enjoy it

This is perfectly reasonable if you are married and your husband is supportive. However, you need to do this with your eyes open. I seriously underestimated how much the years of scaled back working would knock back my career prospects.

I don’t think that you know what “entitled” means, but the poster I was responding to was having a go at the OP for doing what was right for her family.

it’s not privilege to make better decisions, and this is not a bucket of crabs, you don’t need yo try to drag anyone back in who seeks to improve their future.

Why don't you ask Mumsnet to pay you more?

Claiming someone else doesn't understand entitled... then completely misunderstands the privilege she refers to. Oops.

It’s not being privileged to have made good life decisions.

This constant pretence that life outcomes are purely some kind of cosmic lottery is tiresome, a lie told by people who in most cases are living with the consequences of shit decisions.

It’s privileged to have the attitude that anyone living pay day to pay day is not responsible with money and must be pissing away every penny they have as you stated in your previous post.

It’s privileged to say that people are poor because of bad life choices when really it’s down to the shitty economy and government.

There is a lot that goes into the outcome of where someone ends up and how much they earn. Their upbringing, role models, access to education and so much more.

You’re replies are just digging you further into your privileged little hole and showing how little you know about what it is to live on very little whilst working very hard.

OP, you sound like you are in an absolutely idea position.

Very few young couples have the privilege of being able to have one of them work only two days, whilst being in such a privileged financial position.

Financially we’re stable. We have good savings (over £40k invested), our yearly expenses are budgeted for, and we have equity in our home and another property. However, because I’m only working part-time, for the next 2–3 years until the kids start school I’ll essentially just be maintaining our finances rather than adding significantly to our savings.

Very few 30 year olds are lucky enough to own two properties, and, quite separately, have over £40K invested which they don't even need to touch, despite all the initial expense that comes with having twin babies. You have all your expenses budgeted for and equity in two properties.

You are enormously privileged and clearly somewhat tone deaf to the position most people are in at your stage in life.

Enjoy the privilege of being able to just work for two days - thereby 'keeping your hand in' and skillset current - whilst also being able to spend most of the week with your dc. Very few people are able to hit that sweet spot.

God, the anger, bitterness, jealousy and spite that comes out on these threads! God forbid anyone should post that they have a comfortable life instead of posting that they're on the bones of their arse with 1 tin of beans to feed 5 kids until payday. We are not living under communism: people have different income levels and different lifestyles and those who are more comfortable (often because of working hard, delaying gratification and making good decisions) are still allowed to have worries: everything is relative. Get over it.

God, the anger, bitterness, jealousy and spite that comes out on these threads!

I am not angry, bitter, jealous nor spiteful.
But it is not hard to see this is a pretty tone deaf post.

You're doing well and because your DC are twins you don't have the age gap between DC holding you in this position for longer than you need to be. You are incredibly lucky, enjoy your time with your little ones.

It’s not the fact of people posting that they live comfortably it’s the fact that the OP clearly does live comfortably and is still complaining about money even though she’s got two properties and over 40k in savings behind her.

Like I said @DaisyChain505, everything is relative. If you can't relate, scroll on by, rather than trying to police what others post.

@Handsfreeme enjoy the time!

My twins are now 10 and I also worked 2 days a week when they were little which meant I earned about £20/week after nursery and petrol!

You can build your working hours up later when they start school.

Would it work out better from a tax perspective for you to increase a day and your husband to drop a day?

I don't think you can expect to be saving at this stage in your life. Maybe once the kids are in school.

But the OP asked for opinions.

Be a bit of an odd forum if people were only allowed to reply if they were empathising with the OP.