What a dick move - am I right?

[TeutoburgForest]

Just got on busy train in London. On a table a man is sat with his bag on the seat next to him and his coat on the seat opposite him - basically making it difficult for people to sit on 2/3 of the remaining free seats. Is this common??

Quite the reverse in my case. In middle age I've become sick of making myself small for everyone else, scrunching up on the seat under my bags, and giving a pacifying smile to all passers-by on the aisle as they scan for a seat as I'm usually hyper aware of everyone else all the time to the detriment of myself. I've tried to be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing lately and try to just exist rather than adapt my whole self to everyone else but also give other people the benefit of the doubt that they're doing similar rather than getting annoyed about them being dicks. They don't care if I think they're a dick but I am the one with the raised blood pressure.

Old habits die hard though!!h

If people make a point of trying to sit next to me on a half empty train I just move to a different double seat and spread myself out again. Different if the train is filling up eg on morning commuter trains. But evening commuter trains gradually empty out.

Also if I am on the aisle seat it's for a reason. People can have the window seat but I was there first and I am keeping the aisle seat.

I am not at all worried about asking someone to move their bag/coat/case on a busy service though. My bottom wants the seat ;)

Agree, OP. I see it every day on the bus. Every day. And they let people stand rather than offer to move their stuff. When confronted, some appear surprised - as if the entire seat was for them.

Totally agree. Some people seem to be out for things to be annoyed about. Or to be a dick about. I travel by train and bus loads and it's really, really common for people to put their bag or coat on a seat. If I want to use that seat, a quick "excuse me please" or "is that seat free?" is all it takes for the bag to be moved. I sit down and everyone goes on with their day.

Oh absolutely agree.

It's normal.

I do it- well, put my coat or bag on ONE seat but I'll move them if the train fills up.

What is common is that people 'bag' a seat next to them or sit on the aisle seat, so you sometimes have to squash past them to sit at the window.

My tack is just to say 'Could I sit down, please?'

Usually they are hoping they won't be asked, but once they are, they are usually pleasant enough.

Yeah that is true. I have been known to 'manspread' slightly as I am indeed quite skinny and small, so I want to make myself look less appealing as a seat mate! I always stop doing it when it gets busy though.

I've always wondered why people behave like you -taking the aisle seat.
I've assumed it's because they think no one will ask to sit down- because you will have to stand up to let them into the window seat.

I prefer an aisle seat if it's busy simply because I am small and I tend to get very large people sitting next to me (taking up more than their fair share of space) and I'm squashed up to the window. In fact people sometimes make a beeline for a free seat next to me because there is plenty of space!

I don't like rubbing thighs with some fat bloke or their manspreading.

He might have just said' Yes it's my coat.'

What you need to say is 'I'd like to sit there please.'

If he said no you could ask him if he had bought a ticket for his bag and coat.

I sense a few people who can't use their actual voices. If a grown adult can't even get a seat on a train then I despair. Honestly.

I've had to ask people to move their things 100s of times. and honestly, I can count on one hand the times they've had a problem with it or done anything except rapidly move whatever it was that was on the seat.

Not on busy trains! We just prefer the aisle, more leg room and space. 😊

How dare he create a situation where someone wanting a seat might have to speak to him?

Honestly you're all as bad as each other. He's a bit of a git for spreading out like that and you're a bit of a git for feeling like it's a major imposition to have to ask him to move his coat.

Most people can be fine about a polite request, some can be real twats, but yet others can be positively feral. It's really come to something when you can look at another human and have to work out whether it's worth the risk of asking for a free seat versus standing for an hour on the train. A minority can be actively abusive, and with so few train crew present or (somewhat understandably) willing to get involved, it really can be terribly worrying.

i always ask them to move. They always do. Sometimes with a face, but tough.

It’s a sorry state of affairs when people have to be asked to move bags and coats on busy trains. I’ve got on many packed trains and had to say “can you move your bag please” when it shouldn’t need saying. Can’t get over how many of them roll their eyes/sigh when you have the audacity to ask for a seat either.

My favourite, if feeling particularly snarky is ‘does your bag have a ticket?’ Before telling them to move it

Another who prefers the aisle. Very happy to stand up and let you have the window though. I love how you've always been smugly thinking how you're teaching seat hogs a lesson, while we've always been happily thinking what a perfect seat mate you are that you're immediately offering to take the window rather than expecting us to shove up! Sorry!

Is this the first time you’ve ever used a train? Yes, it’s twattish, but you must live under a rock if you’ve never seen this happen on public transport before.

I perhaps didn’t make my point clearly enough. I am very used to people putting a bag or coat on the seat next to them. This man not only did that but also put his very compact coat on the seat opposite him, making sure not only people had to ask to sit next to him but also across from him. That is a dick move in my eyes. It’s not him casually spreading out, it’s him being strategic

I'm now in the dubious position of being offered a seat most times. I don't know if that's because I look old and decrepit or people are just kind and polite. I'll choose the latter.

I have asked people "could I have that seat please" where bags etc. are on them. But TBH I choose wisely who I say it to these days.

I reckon (well in my case anyway) it's not the fear of asking that's the problem, it's what to do if the seat/bag hogger refuses to move and gets all shirty. Then the person asking is standing there like a lemon, embarrassed, and still has to remain standing. It's very very rare that others in the bus/carriage of the train will back the "asker" up, so it can be very awkward. But most people do move when asked to.

It seems an awful fuss to make over a small matter.
I might well use another seat for a 'good coat' if I didn't want it getting creased or maybe if I needed access to the bag and didn't want to keep moving the coat.

Until the train was full, he was entitled to spread his belongings where he wanted to. I wouldn't call it a 'dick move' but to be honest I've never heard that phrase anyway. I know someone can 'be' a dick but not move like one.

The only issue was if the train was full and he made no effort to move them.

It doesn't really matter at the end of the day. All you had to say was 'I'd like to sit down here, please.'

You need to watch Ben Elton’s Double Seat.

It may cheer you up after an entitled tosser.

Agreed. Dick move. Glad you asked him to move it!

I’d have sat on his coat.

Exactly this. I am very militant about asking people to move their stuff so I can sit down. I’ve never had a problem.

i did have the opposite problem a few days ago - I was on a nearly empty train and a bloke smelling of booze and wiith a massive clinking bag sat next to me
and dumped his bag on the floor so it trapped me in. I considered for a moment asking him to sit somewhere else but decided it wee pointless and managed to clamber over his bag and then moved to the next carriage, while he hurled abuse at me for not wanting to sit next to him.