What a dick move - am I right?

[TeutoburgForest]

Just got on busy train in London. On a table a man is sat with his bag on the seat next to him and his coat on the seat opposite him - basically making it difficult for people to sit on 2/3 of the remaining free seats. Is this common??

Seems it is given the number of responses!

This behaviour was always the way but it's more common now. It at least it seems to be.

because people aren't seat hogging. They are sitting in the spaec available to them in a way that is comfortable for them because when they sat down, that was possible.

Like I said, I'm not going to scrunch myself up when the seat next to me might not even be used. On a busy train, paying enough attention, I'd absolutely proactively move myself when i see people coming downt he train. But honestly, most of the time I get so engrossed in my book I don't notice.

Yes it’s unreasonable but you have a tongue in your head, say excuse me can you move your belongings I need to sit down .

I'd have loved that. Oh don't worry dear, don't move it, I'll just stash it in the folds of my ass.

Fucking twats. I always ask them to move their VIB - very important bag.

I agree with this. I take an aisle seat because I’m claustrophobic and have OCD. I can’t stand being hemmed in, especially by a man.

I also say to my dd that it’s important to protect one’s safety by taking the aisle seat as a woman.

Ive often sat beside someone and they’ve got up in this situation too.

I make it really clear the window seat is available by leaving it completely empty and putting the arm rest down.

Please don’t assume aisle sitters are doing it for some cheeky reason or wanting to keep both seats and please don’t make us feel uncomfortable or be snippy.

I do think there should be normalisation of men leaving aisle seats for women for safety reasons (and for the feeling of safety) but I guess it’s not going to happen any time soon.

I got on and a larger gentleman was taking up about 60/70% of my booked seat. The conductor saw and found me another seat.

Nothing I could have said would have changed anything. I just could not sit down.

Because the people 'seat hogging' aren't thoughtless; they've deliberately put their stuff on a seat in the hope that people will be too embarrassed to ask them to move it. Yes, this has always been my experience of public transport in London. You can't rely on people who aren't polite to suddenly become polite. That's why the onus is on those who want a seat. (It's the same mentality as people who won't give up a seat for someone who needs it more/won't move out of the wheelchair space.)

I do this!
I go to sit on their stuff. It's amazing how fast they move it when they see my arse manoeuvering into place.
In my head I hear that lorry sound "beep...beep...beep...this vehicle is reversing".
I'm always super-polite too, instead of getting angry. "Oooh I am sorry, I didn't see your bag there."
It amuses me anyway!

I was once on a late train home from London and saw a girl whisper to her boyfriend who dutifully opened a carrier bag he was holding so she could vomit into it. They both just sat there afterwards staring ahead as if nothing had happened.

I commute and get this all the time. 99% of people will move their things when asked politely. Sometimes they’re in their own world and don’t notice it’s busy, sometimes they’re trying to get more space but most usually cooperate.

However, there is always the exception to the rule and I’ve had a few people push back. One bloke argued that I couldn’t sit in the vacant window seat as his laptop was plugged into the socket under the window. He looked most unimpressed when I suggested he sit there and let me have the aisle. I’m a moody cow of a certain age with a hidden disability and a large bum so I’ve gone to sit on a couple of bags before now when my polite request was refused. They were moved very quickly after that!

I think it’s normal to overspill a bit if the train is very empty as it’s awkward to sit there hugging a bag, but not to intentionally spread your stuff out. It’s also normal to ask if you can sit on that seat or just look someone in the eye and reverse your bum towards their stuff so they get the idea. No they shouldn’t be taking up several seats but most people won’t say no if you ask to sit where their bag/clothing is

ETA: it’s best to ask before parking your bum because someone once sat on my hand as a teenager. I was quite shy and left it about 5 minutes wondering what to do before just yanking it from under her and getting a very unique look from the lady (in hindsight I should’ve asked for it back - thankfully I’m less shy now!)

Don’t make a drama out of a crisis OP 👍

I would ask once politely for him to move his belongings…..if he then refused, I’d move them myself and take the seat.

Are you new to London? Just ask him to move his stuff - "hi, I'd like to sit down please".

He probably got on when the train was empty or emptier and has head in his phone and lacks self awareness so just tell him to shift his stuff.

It's irritating (I don't like it either) but it is common and it is easily resolved.

His bags and coat did not pay for a ticket, but I did! That's what I tell myself when I need to tell someone to shift their stuff.

Because people are hoping you won't ask and you'll sit somewhere else.

FWIW I like my work bag next to me, it's handy, but if the train is filling up I will at least reach across and hold my bag, to signal 'yes you can sit here, ill move it if needs be' while people are getting on and looking for seats .

Just to say he was not engrossed in anything. He even caught my eye as I came into the carriage but still didn’t move anything

It shouldn't be that the onus is on people to ask for a seat. People should be more self aware and less selfish.

But they aren't. And once you get your head around that, it will take much less of your headspace. Especially in London.

I sense a few seat hoggers on here veiling it under ‘being oblivious/engrossed in a good book’ or similar. I hope their entitled spread out coats keep them warm.😂

🙄

What was the outcome OP? I'd like to think I'd have just wordlessly sat on his coat to make a point, but I'd more likely just say "here you are" and hand it over first.

I said ‘is this your coat?’ He moved it. Writing it like that makes me feel it wasn’t worthy of a Mumsnet thread. But I was outraged

The behavior is obviously selfish and in an ideal world, no one would ever be selfish, but the rest of us love obv a reality. All you can control is you. So if always say oh can I sit here, more statement than question ut I English so I can't help it, and is I could see someone needed a seat I'd point out two are free.

Totally agree!

Spread all you want on a quiet train, but if it gets busy, you read the room and make space, move your stuff. So awkward having to ask and they immediately look like dick imo.

It's horrible feeling like you almost have to ask permission to sit on a public bloody seat!

Londoner here (now left) and I would never have dared behave that way. I was always hyper aware of how many people were getting on. It actually used to make me anxious.

I always remember getting on a very crowded bus in Chelsea, and some snotty girl had her handbag next to her on a set of 2 seats. I have no problem asking people to move their stuff from seats, and as others have said, she spent the whole journey glaring at me. Such a waste of her own time as I just found her funny. Hilarious how entitled some people are.

No, he shouldn't have had the audacity to be spreading his bits about like he was more important than others. Having to be asked to move it is unacceptable.