AIBU to pause trying for a baby because of our wedding?

[MayasJam]

Hi,

We are due to get married April 2027 - venue booked, some vendors booked, dress bought.

We have been trying for a baby for 7 months - not happened yet. My dilemma is I'm 39 - soon to be 40 in a couple of months - so already on the older side of TTC. Should we take a break TTC for 3 months to give time for wedding to take place. Carry on TTC, see what happens, and move wedding if needed depending on dates?

I wouldn't given your age and the fact that you haven't got pregnant yet. You can get married while pregnant or move it.

Personally I wouldn’t stop. A wedding could wait.

Just got for it.

I would pause. A few months wouldn’t make much difference, I don’t think.

I wouldn’t have wanted to be pregnant at my wedding. I would want to have a drink, and I wouldn’t want to be restricted in what I chose for the food menu - and definitely not to be avoiding lovely thinks I had chosen!

No weddings are here and then gone, baby is more important. Hope it all works out for you!

A wedding is one day and a baby is (hopefully!) a lifetime...

At your age keep going.

I'd rather have a baby and buy a different dress vs the alternative.

Keep trying for the baby

Another one for Team Baby here.

It blows my mind that anyone would put TTC on hold for months at nearly 40, just so they could have a drink and enjoy a party 🤯

But wouldn’t the pause be nearly a year? Until April 2027?

10 months is a long time while TTC at 39/40.

At 39 I wouldn’t wait. I’d go with TTC over a wedding.

And what do you mean by pausing by 3 months OP? - do you mean you don’t mind being pregnant at the wedding but don’t want to be 8-9 months pregnant or have a tiny newborn?

In which case I think those concerns would be valid but if a pregnancy did happen you’d have to just take it as a wonderful miracle and change the wedding. Either moving it forward a few months or just going to a Register Office in maternity clothes and postponing the party side of things.

Ooh no, keep ttc.

I would postpone or bring forward the wedding, rather than lose months of ttc at almost 40.

Yes, I don't mind being pregnant at the wedding - I wouldn't want to stop TTC for a long time. Just to try and avoid being 9 months pregnant / 4 weeks post partum at wedding date.

I don't drink anyway so not bothered about not being able to have a drink!

I had thought I'd just go for a break but having thought more due to age / not having been able to get pregnant yet I'm leaning more towards just keep trying and see what happens.

I'd keep trying. I wouldn't be able to deal with the 'what ifs' if I stopped and it did not happen. Plus if it doesn't happen straight away you have the wedding planning to distract you.

Pause for 3 months. Ultimately it isn’t going to make a difference long term.

A wedding is just ONE day, the marriage (and having children in your case) is what’s important and hopefully is going to be for life. Due to your age, I would keep trying and just “go with the flow!!!”

I would just carry on and deal with whatever happens, if and when it does.

I'd pause tbh. I got married with a baby. The honest truth is, I would have enjoyed my wedding more without a baby. I spent half my wedding reception upstairs breastfeeding and trying to settle her. Planning was also much more stressful with a baby.
I did get some lovely wedding pics. My husband carried her back up the aisle which was lovely. But my one regret is not getting married before kids so it could have been just us, with no responsibilities.

At your age I wouldn’t pause, especially as pg hasn’t happened yet.

I was six months pregnant or so at my wedding, in my 40s, so I was going to say you're mad to pause TTC. But I see now it's just that you don't want to be 8/9 months pregnant or with a newborn. Totally understandable. Three months off won't make much difference to TTC, but being 8 or 9 months pregnant, or any postpartum trouble in the early days/weeks might risk the wedding not going ahead. Do the maths and keep it short. Good luck, and enjoy!

Can you bring the wedding forward, get married this summer. Start married life, have a honeymoon baby.

I'd keep trying. You can change details of the wedding however you like, and if little one is here at that time then they get to be in the photos!

Having the baby the week/month before the wedding would mean no wedding at all, so depends how you feel about that. But you are unfortunately also very old to be TTC so depends on priorities. You should probably be looking at IVF soon, which is incredibly hard and will make you feel shit at the wedding too.

Bring the wedding forward, this summer.