To not want to drive someone else’s car all week?

[BlueberryMummy]

A friend borrowed my car on Friday because she needed to go and pick up something that wouldn’t fit in her car (it would fit in her car, the only reason it wouldn’t is because her car is full of stuff) and then I had to go out before she got back and her car keys were at mine so she told me to take her keys and her car and then since then our paths haven’t crossed to swap the cars back and I’ve messaged her and called her a few times to ask if we can swap the cars back and she just keeps saying she is busy at that moment but will find time soon to swap the cars back. She’s now asking if she can keep my car until Friday as she needs to go somewhere on Friday and what she is taking won’t fit in her car again because her car is full of stuff and in return I keep her car until Friday. But I just want my car back now. My car is a 2016 Volkswagen Tiguan and her car is a 2024 Range Rover. My husband says I’m overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill. I feel she is being funny about just giving me my car back, she could have found time already to give me my car back and she certainly could find time before Friday to give me my car back. We both have fully comp insurance on our own cars and are insured to drive other cars but we are only covered for 3rd party damage on other cars. AIBU to not want to drive someone else’s car all week and AIBU to just want my car back now?

Have you collected the car yet OP?

Lesson to be learnt here!

I really hope she hasn't; one damaged yours or two gone to do the NC500 in yours as she didn't wanna put the miles on hers.

The HP repo was an interesting theory, as was the NC500.

Does her place of work have a staff car park? I'd be going to her place of work to see if your car is in their car park.

Are you really driving around in a car that's full of "stuff". Where do your children sit when you take them out?

I'd have got my car back before now, but as a minimum, I'd have gone to her home and emptied her "stuff" into her garden.

She’s still refusing to give the car back and when I went round to try and get it back from her again she wasn’t in.

So unacceptable :(

So now she's driving your car without permission which means the 3rd party insurance is void, and refusing to return it.

You need to tell her she is now driving and insured vehicle and unless she returns it immediately (you go to meet her in her vehicle to swap, or preferably one that isn't hers) or you will report it as theft to the police.

Have you told her how annoyed you are and demanded she give it back now? Go round again in the evening when she’s likely to be home

Agree with others she’s either damaged it or gone on holiday- tell her she’s got 1 hour to return or you are ringing the police

I think she's just a super charged CF, the likelihood of her coincidentally having an accident on the day she borrowed a car and then being able to get if fixed at short notice seems very low

I hope we get to find out soon

Agree with @TwinklyRoseTurtle the time has come to say return it now or I’m calling the police to report it as stolen. If you can I’d also leave her car at her house and put the keys through the letterbox. That way you haven’t “stolen” her car.

i am not really sure how you get to this position as I wouldn’t swap cars with my closest friend.

I think the likelihood of having an accident in a car with which you are not familiar is much higher than in your own car. Also, if she has had an accident the repair is not happening at short notice! She took the car last Friday and is now saying she can't return it until "after" this Friday!

Mmmm this sounds like she is up to no good or she has crashed your car !!! If ring 101 and get some advise if I was u x

Why are you just accepting this from her? Have you spoke to her or is this over text? What EXACTLY have you said and her exact responses?

You need to stand up for yourself and make it clear this isn’t a request. The car belongs to you and you want it back. Why, oh why did you agree to the swap in the first place? I might have gratuitously offered to collect the item for her, but she has a car that’s big enough, she just has to clear it out.

This woman has proven she is not your friend. Once you get your car back, I suggest you block her as you clearly struggle to say no to her.

Call her right now and ask her where she is. Tell her you are coming now to swap the cars and if she refuses, you need to tell her that you will be reporting your car as stolen as you do not consent to her continuing to use it. Or tell her one of the kids left something in it that they need for school so you need to come and collect it, then once there don’t leave without your car! Tell her that you are not happy to have her driving your car with only 3rd party insurance, and that she is driving without insurance the moment you withdrew consent for her to use your car. Tell her you are not happy to drive her car with only 3rd party insurance, given how expensive it would be should you have an accident.

This whole situation is batshit. She is walking all over you, but you are letting her.

Give her a deadline of tonight.
Then ring the police.
They may be unable or unwilling to assist.

I'd be worried she's damaged it.

What does your insurance say? If you want all hell to potentially let loose give them a call.

This woman is clearly no friend of yours. Tell her that you have withdrawn your permission for her to drive it, ask her where it is and say you want to swap immediately, and if she doesn't swap the cars that day, you will be ringing the police to report it as stolen because she won't give it back.

The friendship is over whichever way you look at it!

Why are you tolerating this from your ‘friend’? I genuinely don’t have any friends who would do this-they are all nice people which is why I’m
friends with them!

I find it bizarre that you appear to be pointlessly posting on here but not actually doing anything proactive about getting it back.

Where does she work? Go there?
Phone her up and say you need it back now and where is she?
Go to her house this evening with the kids in the car and take your car back.

Just do something!

She is refusing to give you your property back. In your shoes I would now dump her car at her place (regardless of the difficulties in doing so), to make it clear that there is no kind of "swap" taking place. You can't then continue to see her as a friend, can you? Accept that's the case and contact the police - it's theft.

OP she has taken your car without consent and she has had it for five days now. Speak to the police, this is completely unacceptable. Don’t warn her or give her notice, just do it now.

She’s a piss taker, don’t contact her again and NEVER agree to any of this car swapping again with anyone. Someone else’s small car or too full car problem is their problem. If they’re organised enough to have passed a driving test and bought a car, they’re organised enough to hire a van.

Please, do this for yourself, it is a valuable skill to say ‘enough now, police are involved’.

At what point will you escalate this?

Stand up to her! In her mind, you're letting her borrow it for longer with your passive response to her. Be firm, you need your car now, she'll have to meet you outside of her workplace to swap vehicles immediately.

This is wild. Drive to wherever she is. Surely she can pop out if work to swap keys!

Report it as stolen.

Call 101 and ask for advice.
This is absolutely deranged, even by MN standards.
Agree with above.
It needs reporting as stolen.

This reminds me of the expensive Dyson hair appliance borrowed by the bride with hundreds of excuses why they couldn't give it back.

Yes drive to her work place. If she refuses text her and tell her you are reporting the car as stolen and give her a deadline. Because effectively it is.

Could it be that she has missed car finance payments and they are trying to reclaim the car? So she's got it parked at yours? If she drives around with a car full of crap (which is the weakest ever excuse for imposing on you) she sounds careless...

OP i want to gently give you a good head wobble.

1. I think you wouldn't have got into this position if this awful woman hasnt already been using you and behaving like a total CF for some time. She is absolutely walking all over you ..

2. And what planet is your DH on to effectively tell you to ignore your good instincts, swallow your best intentions and let this woman carry on walking all over you. He should be just as cross as you are.

After this you need to read up on assertiveness training... and practice, practice practice saying No.. to people like this. "No. I refuse to lend my car to anyone." Hopefully this episode will give you the fuel to do this.
You sound like a kind generous person who is being massively taken advantage of. You ought to bin this person and not have any further dealings with her. How dare she put you under this level of stress with zero care and certainly no apology. You cannot trust her. She doesn't add anything positive to your life.

Get your car back, invest in a spare key and DUMP her for good.
(ring your garage and ask if they can make a spare key without the car. I'm not sure if they can, but if you have your car handbooks and radio codes etc.. they may be able to.. then you can as people have said, take yours and dump her crap filled car.

I hope you get it back in one piece soon... create a text trail in case she's picked up speeding fines on the way, so that you can contest them.

Just to add. Take photos of her car inside and out... in case she tries to claim that you've damaged it... to offset any damage she's caused to yours. Next time just say No my insurance doesn't allow that.

She’s obviously crashed your car. Report it as stolen.