Last post from me because I have to get back to work. And I don't want to derail the thread.
I will prioritise the best education that is tailored to suit my dc over pretty much everything else. We still do lots of fun things, we spend a lot of time out and about with friends, we do a LOT of things that are free or very low cost. We love camping (thankfully!). I shop around, I buy most of our clothes on Vinted, I stalk moneysavingexpert for every bargain and voucher going. My dc are extremely privileged in lots of ways.
I cut my own hair every few months (long and wavy, very forgiving!). I pay for my dc to have their hair cut because however hard I try, I give REALLY bad short haircuts 😂 But I space them out - they just had a cut and won't now need one until the end of august in preparation for the new school year.
I don't moan IRL to many people (only my best friend) and I am as generous as I can be. When friends suggest a family lunch out, I often offer to host instead (I am a good cook!) because actually cooking for two families at home is significantly cheaper than me paying for my family to have a Sunday roast somewhere slightly fancy. Especially because I rarely drink and don't ever want to quibble over splitting the bill 😫
I'm sure people will read my posts on this thread and think I'm an idiot.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if I knew 14 years ago what I know now, I would have moved to somewhere like Salisbury for Bishop Wordsworth School (free, super selective grammar). But I didn't know then that I would be a single parent with no financial support, I didn't know that I'd have a child with SEN, I didn't know that VAT would be introduced and I didn't know how much I would come to reply on a super inclusive, pastorally excellent school that provides the wrap around care I need to be able to work. (Could have worked fewer hours if I wasn't paying school fees).
Changing school now would be monumentally unfair on my children. So I cope and I manage and I make the most with the £961 I have each month and it's hard but it's ok.
If my dc's father paid 50% of their actual costs we would be absolutely fine.
I don't want or need lavish holidays (really), or new cars or lots of meals out. The odd brunch would be SO nice, but we are where we are.
For anyone who still thinks I'm an idiot, so be it. There are a lot of super wealthy parents at our schools who could and would pay the fees if they quadrupled but I'm not one of them.
FWIW, my children really do appreciate how fortunate they are to go to schools that have small class sizes, phenomenal results, lots of extra curricular opportunities. The oldest now works as much as he can in the holidays to save for university etc. The youngest is chomping at the bit to be allowed to do the same.
Whatever our choices, we're all doing the best we can and making the decisions that make sense and feel right for our children. I should prioritise myself a bit more but quite honestly I'm pretty burnt out and don't have a good idea of what that looks like at the moment. I do have a long break over the summer and will be escaping with my dc and friends to camp and rest and take stock a bit. I actually find we spend a bit less on food when camping with friends (economies of scale!) and the dc LOVE doing some of the cooking!