AIBU to ask how you’d react if you discovered DH was a spy

[TheHorseWhoBecamePope]

Let’s say that you discovered your DH was living a lie. His job wasn’t real and was, in fact, a cover story. In reality, he worked for the secret service and was unable to tell anyone, even his spouse. How would you react?

Would the lies be too much, even if there was a valid reason for them?

Would you find it exciting?

Would you end the whole marriage? Conclude that your relationship was built on sand?

My Dad worked in roles that required 'Developed vetting' (the highest level of security clearance) throughout my childhood. But he definetly wasn't a spy, he was a computer nerd. He made his job sound extremely dull - 'buisness analyst' and I never asked questions, because as a teenager/ young adult his work was just boring. He is dead now, died fairly young, so I'll never be able to ask him about it even if he could/ would tell, but I do know a few snippits which clearly suggest that he wasn't simply playing with spreadsheets.

It is weird that there is a huge part of his life that I knew little about and never will now. Also he was still working until I was 20, so it is likely that I will have been subject to some degree of security checking without my knowledge, which is kind of weird and intrusive.

One of my uncles on my mum's side worked for M!6, spoke 4 languages fluently, died in his early 30's . Many years later my mum told me that he had been a spy and was under a great deal of stress which may have contributed to his fatal heart attack. Whole family on my mum's side was very talented, all good at languages

One of my uncles on my mum's side worked for M!6, spoke 4 languages fluently, died in his early 30's . Many years later my mum told me that he had been a spy and was under a great deal of stress which may have contributed to his fatal heart attack. Whole family on my mum's side was very talented, all good at languages

You won't find out while he is alive. At least not until his funeral - apparently MI...always send a wreath. I have seriously wondered about my DSib, who travelled to very odd places doing a job I don't believe can exist and involve all that travel. Mind, they have a Porsche (apparently MI...wouldn't allow this) but also always had a 'run about' - retired now.
I asked them once. Reply: they don't recruit people like me.

In this case I would know he was a Walter Mitty type because they are not card carrying.

My bestie's Dad was in the SOE. He had everything memorized because he was incredibly intelligent.

Is he a transponster?! 😂

Do you think MI5/6 are reading this? Cos I reckon they deffo need to recruit the Afghan (I got it right this time) taxi driver!

95% of intelligence work is reading - and analysing - extremely dull reports and sources.

Seeing as we seem to have people on here whose family members were spooks, were friends with spooks, once knew somebody who might be spooky, were nearly spooks but turned down the job but are definitely not spooks themselves:

In their non professional, only slightly spook adjacent by accident opinion, do any of you think the 2012 Annecy murders were at all spookified?

I've entertained the theory. The Al Hilli family had some interestng international connections. Iraq, Sweden, France, the USA.

The wife had a fake marriage in Louisiana and was known as Kelly Thompson, her American ex husband died on the same day as the murders.

She also went from Green Card sham housewife to highly trained Surrey dentist.

Has anybody got evidence that she fixed their teeth? Actually their teeth in their mouth? Pictures or didn't happen.

But mainly, every person ever featured on documentaries about the case come over as dodgy as heck. The conveniently ex RAF cyclist witness, the overly jolly neighbour, the evasive French chef de gendarmerie, all of them. Dodgy.

Or just tell me I'm crackers and it was a local nutcase or it was the French cyclist they were after.

Now i love myself a good spy movie/series/book etc but i would presume it might involve a second life and sex with others so that’s a no from me.

Best of luck tho mine would be the loudest spy in the world, that man can’t go unnoticed anywhere but sure.

That's hilarious! 😂 My friend was a care home worker. She suspected one of the 'posh' male residents was an ex spook or hacker or something as although he had Alzheimer's, he managed to hack into all the other residents records & read them and clocked the log in details the carers and nurses used. They just let him get on with it as it kept him occupied.

In the real world, I'd be slightly surprised, because whenever I'm passing his store, and drop in with lunch or a coffee for him, he's definitely always there, and knee-deep in customers and misbehaving staff 😂🤣 but......
If this were to come to light in a fantasy world, I'm not sure I'd be entirely surprised and rather excited, he's pretty handy, and can look after himself, so maybe it's not out of the question..
Chuckling at the thought that behind the dapper James Bond exterior, there might be a bearded bloke who runs a branch of a well known retail chain in the Midlands.... 😂

Did they not have a Mumsnet recruitment drive some years ago? Over 50s wereencouraged for the very reason of being invisible.

Of the spies that I have met - and here I mean those that gather human intelligence, not techie ones that just tend to be fairly nerdy or the military types - the human intelligence ones tend to be rather unassuming, amiable and good at getting along with everyone but also good at getting into the right circle without being too pushy. In fact, the one overarching feeling I've always had about them is - 'Ah he's a nice man' .... definitely not a james bond smashing through a window type. However, for me these have mostly been men. I assume that I have met a few female ones but didn't know they were spies.

I would find it hilarious because there is no way Dh is suited to being a spy. If it’s anyone in this marriage, it would definitely be me. 😂 I am way too loud mouthed and opinionated to have passed whatever screening they must have to do for spy wives. I’m definitely not inconspicuous and boring enough to be a suitable cover.

This was back in the l950s but my uncle was senior in MI5. This was widely known in the family. He eventually became Director of Intelligence for the Middle East, again widely known. It was at the time of Suez and the troubles in Cyprus.

We lived in Africa and one time as we journeyed back through the Suez canal He had the power to get the liner stopped and come aboard and chat to my mother for half an hour. There was a period of unrest in the country we were living in , which was still under British rule, and he was sent out to write a report on the situation. He showed us his gun and spend most of the rest of the time on the verandah drinking beer.

When he died (I think in the late seventies/early eighties) Sir Maurice Oldfield, then the head of the security services gave the eulogy.
There were loads of spooks at the funeral and they always referred to work as 'the office'.

I'd be really worried about our national security!

I would be scared. I watched all of the Jason Bourne series😬

Licence to kill card kept with his tesco club card 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

DP was born in the Soviet Union and speaks Russian as his first language. If I found out he was a spy my next mission would be to find out which side he is on.. 😂

I think I've found your uncle 🤣

That's because he's DEEP undercover!

It's all a ruse.

I'd kinda love it as I'm obsessed with spy stories.

But DH would be a totally shit spy, so unlikely 😂

I know someone who's Dad was a spy. She never actually came out and said it, but it she didnt try very hard to cover it up either. He would have been retired by the time I met her though.

I just remembered an old work colleague married a bloke from MI5 & we went to the wedding & reception. He was ex navy, low level doing surveillance mostly for counter terrorism, sitting in vans for hours on end with listening devices. She said they'd vetted her and flagged up some minor misdemeanours from her youth. All the non spooks were on one big table and we played spot the spook. They were looking at us looking at them & they had ex squaddie/copper vibes about them like they were in civvies on observations.