AIBU to ask how you’d react if you discovered DH was a spy

[TheHorseWhoBecamePope]

Let’s say that you discovered your DH was living a lie. His job wasn’t real and was, in fact, a cover story. In reality, he worked for the secret service and was unable to tell anyone, even his spouse. How would you react?

Would the lies be too much, even if there was a valid reason for them?

Would you find it exciting?

Would you end the whole marriage? Conclude that your relationship was built on sand?

No dh, but ex....I'd disbelieve the evidence of my own eyes. The man has the backbone of a jellyfish.

Ex is squeamish, can't bear to get his hands dirty, never goes out in the rain, and while I was having chemo for bc, he whined about having to drive his very comfortable automatic because his leg hurt. 😁

After I'd laboured for an entire day to deliver ds (97 percentile head), ex told me he was exhausted and needed to go and get some sleep.

If King and Country depended on him, we'd be in serious trouble.

Exdp had to have a high level security clearance to get on certain 'sites' and the dc seen the letter. We told them it was because he was a spy. We did tell them the truth before they went back into school telling everyone daddies a spy! Although he did ask what I'd say if he really was a spy..... considering he couldn't turn on a pc and needed the dcs help with his phone, I think I'm safe in the knowledge that he wasn't!

I'd love it, but I would have to hope that after decades of hiding it his grand reveal didn't involve also telling his mother, the bloke would be out of a job/ dead within a week once she found out and told everyone she knows/meets in passing. It would be over for him within hours of the first WI meeting after she finds out.

True Lies is the answer to your question. Obviously I would also become a spy and together we would fight crime and dance our way across ballrooms.

My dm however got the OBE for 'services to the nation' after WWIi, and never said a word about it. We only found out after she died and we cleared her house.
She could speak French & German and worked for the Admiralty between 1939 and 1947, so I could much more easily believe it of her.

I'd be impressed that I'd married james bond

Well clearly I’d make a rubbish spy.

Clearly a deliberate error by @aurpod1980 to cover the fact that are actually the Afghan fake taxi driver's controller

More evidence 🤣

Yras ago my colleague told us a story about her DDs friend who had applied to work for MI5. The first part of the process was to do an online assessment. Unfortunately this young woman failed the test. Colleagues daughter was curious to see how hard this would be and applied to do the test herself. She not only passed but excelled and MI5 were quite persistent in encouraging her to have an in person interview. She declined as she enjoyed her job working as a performance artist .

Well, I guess if he could be trusted with the Tesco Clubcard, I wouldn't be worried about him. Unless the card wasn't in his wallet and he'd lost it. Then it would be game over.

And life insurance policy. 🤔

I would love this because I literally couldn’t believe it of my husband ! He’s a gentle giant and not the sharpest pencil in the tin. He does have to have some discretion and degree of secrecy in his job because he works in bomb disposal though so could be plausible 😉🤣

Oh I assumed you meant for another country.

If be pissed if he didn't tell me he was a local spy.

I guess if he was a foreign spy I'd have to turn him in.

I've got a friend who works at a bomb factory. There's probably a more politically correct name for it than that, but I can't think of right now, and regardless, everyone local knows it's a bomb factory! He has signed the official secrets act and so he can't talk about it. But we all know exactly where he works, he's been there since college and progressed upwards over the years. So we've always known, and we absolutely rip him to pieces about this and tease him mercilessly, and because of the secrets act he can't do a thing about it. He can't agree, disagree, answer back... He just sits there like he can't hear us and has to take it. 🤣

If it turned out he's progressed so far up the ranks he's now actually a spy it would not surprise me one bit.

My husband worked on rotation in and out of some dangerous countries. He was asked to gather information, which was quite a surprise at the time. I never thought much of it. I guess he was happy to help.

So basically, the thickest spy going if his job is so incredibly secret yet he carries a plastic card giving away his status in his wallet. This is beyond laughable, but, just for the sake of replying here, no I wouldn't want a relationship based on such secrecy. Firstly I'd be worried about his safety and secondly, I'd be worried he would use it as a cover to have an affair, as I'd be unable to question any of his behaviours.

That’s good to know because I’ve always been suspicious of dh. 😂

My DD did Chinese at Cambridge, and someone in her group was approached by "The Civil Service"...never heard the outcome and she's no longer in touch with him, but🤔

I think my ex boyfriend may be a spy. Studied engineering at Cambridge, has lived in different countries including some unusual ones, doesn't say much about his job, no online presence.

I’d be very cautious if he left his watch/pen/shaving foam around the place.

He’d never be able to find his invisible car though

Current DP could definitely be a spy. He has the skills. So I wouldn't be surprised.

I’d be excited but I’d hate it also because he wouldn’t be able to talk about the job. I’m nosy

It’s a classic romance scammer/man leading double life scenario isn’t it? He spends a lot of time away from home on spy work but he’s actually going home to his wife and kids.

I remember hearing about something like this on the podcast The Affair - he told her he had a really important job with the UN in Vienna.

I’d think he’s a very good actor. And also really pissed off - mine dossed around at uni. 2 attempts at a degree, but after not being able to cut back on the gaming when he was supposed to be studying, ended up with a diploma from a crap uni. Never had any ambition and quite happy to sit back and let me pay for everything. Kids clothes, all the school trips, clubs, holidays. As long as he pays his share of the mortgage and bills he thinks that’s ok apparently. So yes, if I found out he was a spy (which would never happen), on presumably a good salary, then that would be the straw that breaks the camels back on our marriage.