AIBU to think there was no need to spend this much time in the disabled loo?

[Pinkstuffs]

I went to a popular family attraction today. There was one disabled toilet with the baby change inside. When I got to it, a woman was going in with a child aged about four, and a portable potty.

I have a catheter so usually use the disabled loo so I can wash my hands before emptying and not touch anything. Sometimes I have to adjust my catheter as well which is easier with more room. I also have a 5 month old baby who needed changing. No baby change at all in the women’s toilet and it was quite cold so I didn’t want to change my baby in the pram.

We waited 20 minutes for the toilet to be free. After that I had to call my husband to bring me the pram as I can’t hold my baby any longer than that as I’m recovering from a major abdominal surgery (not a csection) that I had 3 weeks ago. Presumably the woman heard me on the phone. My husband came and met me and it took another 10 mins for them to be finished.

When she came out she said she had heard me complaining to my husband (tbf I did say it was taking forever for the toilet to become free) and that I was being unfair. But AIBU to think her child could have just gone in a normal cubicle? I’ve got a toddler and I just take him in the women’s with me.

Yanbu. 30 minutes is too long to take up the only disabled toilet and baby change. A 4 year old should be capable of using a normal toilet, not a potty.

Maybe she was also changing some kind of catheter?

It could be that either her or her child also had a disability similar to yours, just without the recent surgery.

Maybe she was except when she came out she gestured at the potty and told me ‘I don’t like to rush him on here’.

A popular attraction should have more disabled toilets available. Fault lies with them

I'd just assume she also had a disability

YABU, for all you know she could have had a catheter herself, or her child, or needed to change a stoma bag on herself or her child. A disabled person can take as long as they damn please in the toilet.

Having a catheter isn’t a disability, you could have very easily used the normal restrooms.

Ridiculous! did the site not have a second disabled toilet or changing area!? and yes, 30 mins is way to long and she still had something to say. I would have apologised!

Seems like an odd point to miss out of the opening post in that case

There should be more than one disabled toilet but yes 30 min is ridiculous

30 mins is a long time. She clearly needed that time though, unless you thought she was just sat playing on her phone.

Either she had a disability, or her kid did...one that you did not see.

As pp said, a popular attraction for people. should have an adequate number of disabled facilities. The lady could not have wanted to say the real reason why she took so long. She could have Crohn's, or anything.

My 4 year old will not go on the toilet. I have to take a travel potty everywhere. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

It’s quite hard to fit into the normal cubicle, particularly if I have my older one with me, and he gets a bit stressed sitting on the potty in a small space and don’t get me started on if he hears a hand dryer.

I will therefore sometimes take him into a disabled / baby change (never if it’s just a disabled), which also has the benefit of somewhere to dispose of the potty liner. But if he’s not gone within a minute we get up and leave. Anything more than 3 or 4 minutes is just hugely selfish.

Maybe she didn’t want to give the real reason she took so long?

Yes, maybe she’s selfishly taking ages when she doesn’t need to. But I imagine few people would spend 30 mins sitting in a toilet on a day out if they didn’t need to.

What does he do at school?

I'd have got dh to do the baby change and emptied catheter bag in the ladies. Wash hands before, what's the problem?

Yes- you don’t know if her or her child has a disability as well

He’s still at nursery. He will sit on the baby sized toilets there but will not entertain the idea of sitting on a toilet anywhere else, even at home, and is completely freaked out at the idea of peeing standing up.

He’s a hugely anxious child and yes I’m worried about school!

All disabilities matter. My DS had a chronic bowel issues, ASD too, terrified of public toilets. I used to carry a portable potty, at times it could take 30 minutes.
You could have washed your hands in the normal bathroom before going into the cubicle, using tissue to lock the door.

He wouldn’t have been able to get in the baby change either? It was cold and raining on and off so didn’t seem right to change my baby outside in the pram.

So what he'd just wait like everyone else has to. The point is you could've just used a normal cubicle and harassing someone with your pa phonecall wasn't ok.

I’m quite paranoid about avoiding infection. I’ve had a catheter for 6 months and had numerous infections, that’s why I don’t like touching toilet doors seats etc.

You don’t know what bowl issues (possibly in connection with other issues) the 4 year old has that require them to use a potty, and that take a while. Not all disabilities are visible, and the woman does not owe you an explanation of her/ her child’s disability, especially once she heard you complain.

You don’t know that the mum and toddler don’t have a disability.
Your upset should be directed at the attraction for only having one disabled/baby change bathroom.

My 3yo with ASD appears outwardly normal but has stool withholding issues and chronic constipation. It can take 30 mins of coaching her to do a poo. If we don’t do that then she’ll leak stool and be in abdominal pain.

i agree 30 mins is a long time to use a disabled loo unless necessary, but it’s just impossible to tell if they were using it unnecessarily from what you saw.