to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

[RunBeforeBreakfast]

If you have sent your children to private school, have you had any negativity about it from others, especially family? If so how have you dealt with it?

Our children currently go to state primary but our oldest will be going to a private secondary school in September. It’s a nice school and we feel it will suit her. Since telling our family, some of them have been really critical of our choice as they don’t agree with private schools. I’ve listened to what they have said and understand their point of view, but ultimately, it’s our choice and I’ve said I don’t want to keep talking about it as the decision has been made. They stopped for a while but last week on the phone and at a meal yesterday they brought it up again, with our children there. They’ve never been interested in our children’s schooling until now.

Totally agree. I wish I were as articulate 👏

You’ve got your reasons OP. You’re the parents. Just keep quiet and carry on.

I did nothing outside all the amazing extra curricular stuff at my private schools.

I can assure you i don’t feel socially isolated 😂

And the OPs children learn that it's OK to allow people to be unkind , rude and intrusive to them

No. Dont keep quiet

Op I have to say… you and your husband are coming across as limp lettuces.

Can you not see that your in-laws don’t give a flying fig about the relationship ending

If what the parents are afraid of is that your daughter will not want to see their children any more, maybe they haven't thought that by behaving as they are, they are making it likely that your daughter will not want to see them, and hence their children, any more? Self-fulfilling prophecy time.

Ha not doing loads.

One extra activity to play regional.

Don’t consider spending time with family loads of extra stuff.

Wouldn’t have time, tbh, all the stuff at school keeps them busy.

It’s the teachers who comment.

Of course you didn’t/don’t…. That’s the point?!

Look, I’m sure you’re not at all detached or patronising (although the thread hunting behaviour was slightly uncalled for) I’m just raising the prospect that this is what the OP’s ILs are likely most worried about for the cousins. I would be concerned too because I’ve experienced so much of it during my career.

Brilliant post

We have cut a few arseholes out of our life, so we are capable of dealing with them and aren’t ‘lettuces’ as a pp said, but I’m trying to be more tolerant of family, so that my children get to keep their cousins, who they are close to, in their life. This is also the first time we’ve ever had any issues, we’ve never argued before, they’ve always been good to us as we have been to them.

Huh? You said private education results in silica isolation and damage for the rest of their lives.

I merely pointed out something that really damages children. If that applies to you and your husband, then I’m sorry but I didn’t know

You are right to try to find a way through this OP.

The people on this thread are being total arseholes today, for reasons unknown.

“Iimp lettuces”

what must your kids think when they see dad give an ultimatum but ultimately it was just a bluff

“The day we come asking you for money towards our children’s education is the day you can have an opinion on it.”

How so? For agreeing with the op that her in laws are being entirely unreasonable

meanwhile you think the op is going to cause her child to be damaged and socially isolated!!

This is your daft view on the OP’s decision

e. I believe it does a massive disservice to the children who go through it. They statistically obtain better grades but with it they absorb total isolation from the society they actually live in. It damages them for life. They know a lot but understand very little.

1. I’m sure you knew what I meant, but I was referring to social isolation by strata. Not having broad understanding of lives outside their own socioeconomic background. I didn’t mean feeling lonely.

2. I don’t believe you because the comment was a non sequitur in this thread and by total coincidence (not) I know my first post under this username was regarding marriage difficulties

Yes, in direct response to someone who asked me about other services you pay for.

I still think the OP’s choice is her own and to be respected and she’s also right to keep trying to keep her family together.

you said that children who are privately educated are damaged for life!

I responded with an example (unhappy parents staying together regardless) of what really damages a child. And you’ve taken offence. Ok so that applies to your family, but I didn’t know. How the heck would I have known that??

And what did you mean by privately educated children are “damaged for life” pray tell?

Mine went private and no-one in the family said anything…because it was none of their business. I honestly don’t know what they thought about it. Our money, our children, our decision.

Thanks. If there had been other things over the years where they had treated us badly, I would think fuck it and cut them off, but there really haven’t.

Before this, we have always been a close family and we spend lots of time together. I know they are being completely unreasonable but it’s been for a relatively short amount of time, just months, about one issue they feel strongly about, compared to 20 years of us being a close and happy family. I would rather find a way through than throw those relationships away if at all possible. I don’t think that makes me a limp lettuce but if others do, whatever.

I’m going to step away from the thread.

I'm vehemently opposed to private schooling too, but I wouldn't bang on about it to the in-laws who sent their kids to one.

It's immigration that causes the fall-outs at our family gatherings!

How is this different from someone holding the belief that, if you can afford it, it’s important to go through private education as it offers a better standard of education, and your child will do much better if educated in a less disruptive environment?

There are many people who think it’s the wrong thing to let your child endure state education if you can afford not to.

For relationships with people, friends or family, to be healthy and loving, both parties have to be respectful and want the relationships to thrive equally.

One half thinking they get to lecture the other half, question and judge their choices, and to persist doing so, means the relationship is imbalanced and toxic.

Your relationship was good with them only while you followed their rules.

Now you have chosen to move outside their designated lines, they feel entitled to display rude as fxxk, low class behaviour.

Your childrens education is none of their business and should not be up for discussion.
Any adult with an ounce of self esteem and respect would have ruthlessly cut them off.

They have taken your silence as confirmation that they can behave as they see fit and criticise you to your face.

You are wasting money on a private education if you cannot see that this will be spectacularly damaging for your children to witness as they grow up.

Self esteem starts from home.
They should not be around this.