I don't care

[Thoughtlife]

In the last hour, both of my adult children have told me via text they're bisexual.

AIBU that I don't care?

But her response said anything but ‘I’m not interested.’

What was she supposed to say ?

The response to the children was fine and appropriate.

But there’s a edge in the post of “do whatever you like, just don’t talk about it” which the kids may have picked up and be hurt by.

Its impossible to know for sure tbh whether by “I don’t care” she means “I am very open and supportive of you and your sexuality makes no difference to me” or “do what you want but don’t expect to discuss it with me.”

If its the former I apologise to OP. If its the latter the kids are going to pick up on the reluctance to acknowledge something that is really important to them.

Hard to know without the context or tone.

So you do care then. Fucking annoying thread title.

I find it incredible that anyone can apply "I don't care" to anything their children, adult or otherwise, tell them. If it's something as big as their sexuality, why wouldn't you "care"?

Being gay or bisexual nowadays is equal to admitting to being transphobic as well. It's so dated!

My adult children confide in me, although they usually don’t share too many specific physical details. More often, they share relationship news, issues and moments of peace and happiness. On rare occasions, they will come to me for advice or insights about sexual concerns. Not just my daughter, my son also. I cannot overstate how honored I feel that they feel comfortable doing these things. Many times, my role is just to deeply listen as they vent or work things out for themselves. Witnessing their continued growth is a privilege. Maybe I am outlier, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Should either of them tell me they’re bisexual, my response would probably be, “Okay. Say more.”

Il send my dd to talk at you for 2 hours a day about her sex life (in detail) her relationships (how everyone is out to get her and she couldn't possibly be wrong or just paranoid in any situation), about the absolute impulsive and dangerous decisions she makes (so that I never sleep again) and her just general annoyance at the world and everyone in it. A quick tip don't ever disagree with anything she says or say she's wrong because my god you will know about it

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds absolutely exhausting. It also sounds like maybe your daughter needs counseling. Even for a mother, her emotional/conversational needs seem above your pay grade. I hope you can convince her to see someone who is professionally trained to listen and advise her. I truly hope you can get a break from the constant over sharing.

She already is in counselling she's moving out in a few weeks (although only 2 streets away) but I think it will both do us the world of good to have some distance between us

This is a very depressing thread and if anyone wonders why we still need Pride I’d encourage you to read through these responses. And on that note, it being Pride possibly factors into why they both told you now.

I came out to my family as bisexual in 2015 after the decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. I’m not American, but seeing all the joy and support was the thing that finally made me take that step. I was 29 years old and I’d known I was queer for 7 years and that’s how long it took me to work up the courage to tell my parents and siblings, all of whom I knew 100% would accept me and be supportive.

If someone trusts you enough to come out to you, it’s important to them you know. Your response to your kids was fine, OP, but if I’d found out any of my family members had secretly posted online that they didn’t care I would seriously have second guessed their support.

For me it was important because I’d been in a toxic relationship with a closeted individual and I never ever ever wanted a future partner to be subject to that even for one minute. For this reason it was important for me to tell them while single.

Flash forward 11 years and I have a wife and kids, so. Clearly not just about my sex life.

I think it’s just another goady post to be honest as OP hasn’t been back

That’s a lovely response!

Bit weird for them both to tell you at the same time.

I'd say yanbu, but the fact they felt the need to co-ordinate this makes me think there's something off.

It seems a bit wierd to say you couldn’t care less. Their sexuality will affect their sense of identity, their experience of childhood, teens and possibly needing to ‘come out’, their entire romantic lives, their greater or lesser exposure to abuse, STDs, or unintended pregnancy, the partners they have, the discrimination they may encounter, their legal rights, their methods and options for having children…. Why would you not care about any of that? Surely you do, just as you care if they are happy, what profession they go into, where they live… it’s an important part of their lives and who they are surely?

Is what you are trying to say is that you are not a bigot? That’s a different thing from not caring.

The first message arrived because one child was at Pride in their uni city and recognised they hadn't told me, so they did via text.

They messaged their sibling.

The sibling messaged from the party they were at within 30 mins saying, now seems a good time to tell you the same thing then.

Sounds reasonable.

I think OP used the wrong expression. Rather than not caring about her kids she meant their sexuality is not an issue. Title got clicks though as it piqued people’s curiosity.

Yes but I don't think it was an innocent mistake. I think it was cb, as are countless other threads on MN right now.

Shame that you're wrong then.

My thread title wasn't a mistake. People interpret from things what they will.

In addition, it sounds like you're one of the many posters who shout CB at every given opportunity.

I frequently change my username because of users like you who frequent MN far too much and seem to have little else to do in life aside from call CB on every other thread.

I always find it to weird, and rude, when an OP has the time to have a go at someone that they are annoyed at, but doesnt take the same time to respond to questions that other posters have asked in the 6 pages of replies