I don't care

[Thoughtlife]

In the last hour, both of my adult children have told me via text they're bisexual.

AIBU that I don't care?

Extremely appropriate response. Well done.

Why is coming out even a thing?

Not sure that a young person announcing they are bi even qualifies as 'coming out' in 2026 tbh.

The country is veering towards the far right. From a young person's point of view, I wouldn't be so sure it's such a non-event to announce that they're not heterosexual, sadly.

Well, 10% of young people in the UK identify as bi, gay or lesbian. That's about the same as the percentage of people who are left handed.

But fascists and nazis tend not to have it in specifically for left-handed people. Although, if they ran out of people to hate, I wouldn't put it past them.

Well, yes, exactly.

GREAT 👍 - why, is it better than het or homo?

INTERESTING - really, you're interested in your kids' sex lives?

OH, DEAR - nah, you wouldn't.

ANY PARTICULAR REASON YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS NOW? - oh, no, mum, you're asking about the details of my sex life? Cringe!

Maybe they had a bet on how OP would react 😏

It wasn’t meant to be dismissive. It was meant to indicate that what they texted her was alright with her and she wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it. Some parents would and do freak out about learning their offspring are bisexual or gay. A friend of mine’s son told his parents he was gay. When a woman in her book club asked how Jack was, my friend said he’d gotten a summer job and had recently told them he was gay. The book club woman said, “Are you taking him to therapy?” My friend said, “No, why would I? He’s happy.” Just ordinary, you know?” Not dismissive, just accepting.

I think it's great that you don't care. Kids these days (yep, I said it!) want everyone to center their latest issues too. The fact that it doesn't make any difference to you says to me that you take your kids at face value as whole people, and little details of their lives aren't going to make or break your relationship with them.

If you don't care why did you feel the need to publish their news to the population of the globe.

I don't know how one would respond to such a revelation, other than "that's nice dear." I really don't care either what my kids' sexuality is. I care about the human beings they're dating, whether they're finding love, and whether the relationship is working well for them, but the sex of the partner is pretty irrelevant to me.

OP's post reasonably asked AIBU not to care about [her] offspring announcing they're bi. It wasn't a "need to publish their news to the population of the globe" ffs.

My above post was a reply to @SeaShellsSanctuary1

Yes, I agree. They might as well have texted you with a description of their 'type' for all the relevance it has to anyone but them.

I can understand them saying theyre bisexual if it came up in conversation, but to just send a random text is odd.

Do you mean that you don't mind rather than you don't care?

One's children, I think, are about as comfortable to discuss their sex life with their parents as they are to hear about their parents' sex life.

I see how it could be a revelation to ensure that you are not ignorant, but not an announcement for fruitful discussion until the right moment. You know your child best.

In future, as you meet and greet partners, knowing your child's status might be useful.

OP your message in response was perfect.

But your post here sounded very blunt and quite dismissive.

In my opinion those posters saying they have no interest in the sex lives of their children are taking too reductive a view of this. It’s not just about sex, it’s who you date, who you hold hands with in public, who you attend events with.

Being bi can be very tricky to navigate. My daughter was bi. The relationship she had with a woman was very significant, yet she felt it was erased by others (not by us, her parents, but by friends and wider family) after they split up.

What I find strange is that you appear to care what people on mumsnet think about you not caring which maybe means you do actually care a bit.

Yes, I think ‘I’m not interested in their sex lives’ is a bit reductive. It’s not just their sex life, it’s their love life. Their relationships. The people they date, and bring home, and may one day marry. It’s not just about who they’re shagging.
I’m definitely interested in the relationships my children have, why wouldn’t I be? They’re important to them so they’re important to me.

This. Most of them defines as bi even though they might not be.

Reply, "That's lovely dear. I like to be beaten on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly".

But surely this is my new boyfriend/girlfriend or I've met this guy/gir i really like is enough rather then announcing your bisexual

Its all good and well to say you “don’t care about their sex life” but its not only about their sex life.

Its about who they choose to spend their time with
Its about how they are seen by society
Its about them feeling socially safe versus having to pretend all the time
It could impact a decision about having children and a family

I’d be careful with the “I don’t care” approach. I have a gay sibling and our father very much took the “I dont care” approach. He wasn’t homophobic but made it clear he didn’t want to spend time thinking or talking about it. It left my sibling feeling very resentful.

Lack of judgment = good
Lack of care/interest = not so good

I really hoped that these “I don’t care what they get up to in the bedroom as long they keep it to themselves” attitudes were dying out. Your sexual orientation is not just about your sex life fgs.

Just be glad it was old fashioned Bi-sexual, not one of the other 452 Genders and Sexualities that Gen Z has made up for attention seeking purposes

The children obviously didn’t think so, which is why they went out of their way to tell their mum. I just can’t imagine my kids thinking something is important enough for them to want to go out of their way to tell me about it specifically, and my reaction being ‘I don’t care’. If they care then I care.