American Influencers who terminated for T21.

[ScaredButUnavoidable]

Has everyone else seen all the hatred online for the social media influencers who have decided to terminate a pregnancy due to a diagnosis of T21?

I have no idea who the couple are but today my social media feed is full of really abhorrent articles, videos and posts aimed at them (and about termination in general) and I’m just horrified.

Unsurprisingly they are in America, but even so.

I’m assuming the couple have been streaming videos about the pregnancy since the start and this announcement seems to have sparked absolute outrage.

Ok, the Influencers must have realised that some people would be upset by their decision, but at the same time, those same people must understand that although couples choose to have terminations based on medical conditions it’s still usually a very difficult and upsetting decision for them to make.

Has anyone else seen it?
I’m deleting as much of it as I can from my timeline but it’s constant.
They are even getting death threats.

It’s like a witch-hunt, it’s disgusting 😢

I haven’t seen this but obviously people making any kind of judgement about people facing such a desperately sad decision are disgusting.

Separately, I find it extremely unwise to share such personal information online. I have been in the same situation (not Down’s but another serious genetic condition) and after much soul searching I had the baby. The pregnancy and early years were the hardest time of my life and opening that up to the public would have pushed me over the edge.

Strangely I’ve had their ‘announcement’ post come up this morning, can’t say I’ve ever heard of them before, and I didn’t read it closely or in full but the comments were disgusting.
I suppose, in a way, it was rather brave of them to say exactly what happened. Brave or foolish, perhaps. They would’ve been better off lying than having the wrath of bonkers America rain down on their heads at such a difficult time for them.
I don’t really agree with the whole ‘influencer’ shtick and I guess this is what they open themselves up to, but it’s very unpleasant nonetheless.

I've seen it

Not everyone can be a sen parent.

So as painful as it is, they've made the right choice for them. And how brave of them to share their experience with others who might be struggling with such a choice

I've seen it too. Like you I have no idea who they are, and have just seen all the hate they're getting now.

They've made a different choice to the one I would make, but I don't judge them for that. And no one else should either.

And i might feel differently if I lived in the US with their health system, not here with ours.

I was upset to read the original post from this guy. No idea who he is. Lacking in empathy, understanding and compassion for people with DS and those who love them. It’s their loss.

I agree on the influencer point. I know people will say it’s helpful to others in the same situation but I just find the whole thing so distasteful. It’s like nothing is private any more. Nothing is sacred.

I know I must sound about a million years old but I’m actually still fairly young!

Of course it's 'their loss', that's the whole point. They should be left in peace to grieve. I appreciate they chose to make it public but they had to explain the pregnancy ending in some way, at least they didn't lie.

You’ve saved me writing a post because you’ve said exactly what I would want to say.

I do think it’s a useful lesson in the perils of publicising your life to strangers online; but I am also very shocked at the response- America is clearly even further behind the rest of the world than I already thought it was.

Yes, no idea who they are but it's the decision id have made in that situation too, I wouldn't have announced my pregnancy to the world in the first instance however so I wouldn't have had any backlash to deal with. They don't deserve what is happening to them , some humans are vile.

I was equally horrified by the comments - basically anti abortion, anti women rights propaganda and horrific abuse.

i think they were brave to post. At the same time, I understand people with children with Down syndrome /T21 find this announcement incredibly hurtful.

it is not untrue people with Down syndrome have much lower life expectancy, that over half of babies are born with congenital heart defects etc. they made a choice, had the right to make that choice and I am sure this was incredibly hard. Who are we to judge ?

I have no idea who they are and no idea why Instagram thought I'd be interested in their post but it did and I listened to it and immediately thought about how much hate they were going to get for being honest about their choice

It's a difficult decision for anyone, Americans be crazy

The American 'pro-life' brigade are revolting nutters.

I think it's pretty obvious that they would get these kinds of responses in the US so probably better to have lied and said she had miscarried .
Either way it doesn't sit easy with me exposing so much personal information about yourself for the whole world to see.

I think they were brave to share and the reaction shows not many people have done so because there is such stigma. It means a lot of parents will feel less alone if they decide to make this choice.
A few years ago - no one shared about miscarriages and infertility - this changed and helped a lot parents who used to feel so alone.

I dislike "influencers" and the whole narrative around that, however I was impressed that they did tell the truth. I think esp in the US the narrative that women should just shut up and breed it's important to hear the other side.

I am firmly in the any time any reason camp and think they made the right choice for them. I would also have chosen termination.

I find it an odd choice to share it. They could have just pretended they had a miscarriage.

Why is any of this in the public domain? Why do we know about this pregnancy and why on earth do we know why they have terminated? What is wrong with them? If you put your business online you have to expect some people will disagree with you and some people will criticise you. That's the price you pay.
They wanted attention and now they have it.

As horrified as I am by the reaction they are getting, part of me thinks they should have realised this is how America would respond? Or maybe they thought their status as Influencers meant they wouldn’t be judged in the same way as “Joe Public” would be.

I’m assuming they are very well known in America for things to have blown up like this, so I hope that as least their followers have been supportive and sympathetic even if everyone else has been awful.

I don’t know if they were brave really. I think they were backed into a corner because they’d been posting about the pregnancy from the start.

Stigma is nothing to do with why I didn’t share online and I’m sure it’s nothing to do with why most don’t. It’s simply a private situation. I wouldn’t post about it for the same reason I don’t post publicly about the death of family members, my bowel movements, or what I’m into sexually. Some things are private and that’s okay.

I don’t recall ever looking to influencers for solidarity when I was in this situation. There are charities specifically for supporting parents going through this. Anonymous forums like mumsnet are also really useful as people can be truly honest there - unlike influencers who always have one eye on their following.

I agree with not sharing. I went to NCT with another older mum, she worked in a college and didn't tell colleagues she had amnio as she said they would condemn her. I worked in a police station and an officer asked if I'd had tests due to my age. I said no I had decided not to and I got a load of abuse. Much better to not share medical information as you will offend someone whatever you do.

I disagree. I think it’s important that people who are in their position understand they aren’t alone and they should never feel forced into making a decision they know isn’t right for them. I always maintained I wouldn’t ever terminate in that situation, but having raised a disabled daughter, and understanding just what is involved, how hard it is, I’m not sure I would have continued with a subsequent pregnancy if I was in that situation.

I love my daughter with all my heart, I love our life and she is absolutely amazing, I would never want to be without her. I have learned so much about myself and about the world since having her. But her disability is almost entirely physical, and she has a future where she will be entirely independent of us. As I get older, I am ready for that. Watching my elderly neighbours having to care for their adult child with DS, knowing how hard that is for them, I’m not sure I’d want to do that.

A lot of it is from US fundamentalist Christians, from what I have been reading. They have a very different cultural landscape over there when it comes to termination and that’s reflected in a lot of the online discourse. Discussions of it in more UK-based forums has been a lot more nuanced.

Everyone should have the right to choose.

Announcing it to the world. Weird.

And I don’t know, I think that if you’ve signed up to share your life with followers as your way of life then there’s something, not noble as such but at least something a bit principled, with following through with the truth, no matter how unpalatable it may be to many of them.

But I do find it interesting their politics skew towards Trumpism given some of their previous posts, which seeks to erode the kind of choice they were free to make. Perhaps they will be self aware enough to consider that.

Presumably they were planning on using the baby to promote their channel, pimpimg their baby (before they were even born). Sadly the baby has a SEN condition they feel they can’t cope with. The cynic in me says the decision to terminate was also brought about because T21 (I think that’s DS?) doesn’t fit with their picture perfect cookie cutter influencer lifestyle.