American Influencers who terminated for T21.

[ScaredButUnavoidable]

Has everyone else seen all the hatred online for the social media influencers who have decided to terminate a pregnancy due to a diagnosis of T21?

I have no idea who the couple are but today my social media feed is full of really abhorrent articles, videos and posts aimed at them (and about termination in general) and I’m just horrified.

Unsurprisingly they are in America, but even so.

I’m assuming the couple have been streaming videos about the pregnancy since the start and this announcement seems to have sparked absolute outrage.

Ok, the Influencers must have realised that some people would be upset by their decision, but at the same time, those same people must understand that although couples choose to have terminations based on medical conditions it’s still usually a very difficult and upsetting decision for them to make.

Has anyone else seen it?
I’m deleting as much of it as I can from my timeline but it’s constant.
They are even getting death threats.

It’s like a witch-hunt, it’s disgusting 😢

It is up the mother what she wants to do. I bet many parents would also abort if they knew their child had autism. No judgement there either unless you think it is a super power?

I think the assumption is that people who TFMR are doing so because they want a baby, but they want one who is perfect and so discard the baby when test show there is a problem, as opposed to people who terminate for the simple reason that they don’t want a baby full stop.

All the reference to ‘T21’ is a new thing. Just feels like a PR word change to disguise the fact we’re talking about people with Down Syndrome.

They've put the information out there knowing its an emotive subject. Understandably.

People arent wrong to have an opinion, people are also not wrong to know what they can personally do.
Parenting a SEN child is not possible for everyone.

Moat of the time it is Edwards or Patau syndrome that are the reason for termination and they are usually not compatible with life usually.

I think in choosing to have a baby, you accept that there is a chance you won't be having a "perfect" child.

I don’t think I could ever terminate for medical reasons and I know two amazing young people who have Down Syndrome.

However I fully acknowledge that raising a disabled child is fucking difficult and if as a parent you know you aren’t in a position to provide that level of care then I fully support TMFR. No woman should be forced to continue a pregnancy where she doesn’t feel it’s the right choice for her. Rightly there are legal limits in place for when they can take place but the option should always be there.

I feel huge guilt every day over the very early termination I had when I was 16. It took a while to come but when it did it was crushing. It still is, to be honest. I can’t imagine having a 20 week termination when a baby had actively been tried for and when married etc. What if their next baby is born ‘healthy’ but is severely autistic? I know loads of people this has happened to. There are 4 such children at DD’s school alone.

I know, that’s why I wonder if somewhere down the line the screening for T21 will stop as it will no longer be classed as a valid reason for TFMR.

I am sure many parents of children with severe autism would probably choose to not continue if they could have predicted the future. I think you should have the choice if the disability is detected to end the pregnancy.

I hope not.

I agree. There’s a reason parents of babies with a birth diagnosis don’t tend to have them adopted en masse, and do end up coping, because they meet the baby and love them and manage from there. I guess it’s easier when you haven’t actually seen them and it’s still a ‘procedure’.

My sisters friend had a birth diagnosis and her son is totally adorable and their family is very happy. He’s a bright little thing, he’s 4 now but was talking and walking by 2. His disability is certainly less severe than the children at DD school with non verbal autism who can’t speak or understand anything but appeared healthy at birth.

As I said earlier in this thread I hope those who are so quick to pass judgement on those who make this horrendous decision are campaigning for better support for people with disabilities.

it’s all well and good sitting behind a screen and judging but the reality is the world operates in such a way to make it very difficult to raise a disabled child.

I had a termination when I was 16 too when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. It was a decision made for me by my mother and it caused me so much emotional trauma. For many, many years it affected me and I would say it took well over a decade before I fully made peace with what I had done.

However, when me and my DH were TTC for our children we always knew we would likely terminate if the screening showed any severe abnormalities.syndromes.

They are two completely different scenarios.

It's not about having a perfect child. It's about preventing suffering.

Well this is going to happen a lot more as I said, because cases of non verbal autism are rapidly increasing and there seem to be hundreds of Mumsnetters with ‘healthy’ adult DC whose children are so anxious or ND they will apparently need lifelong care and support.

Down’s Syndrome makes independent living less likely but I’m not all that convinced the gap is so huge any more.

My friend has a boy with very severe autism and her life is hell to be honest, she is absolutely broken.

She has said that if this could have been detected/predicted and she knew that this is how parenthood was going to be for her then she wouldn’t have continued with the pregnancy.

Preventing what suffering?

I can imagine. My child isn't severe but not very verbal at four and needs reins to keep him safe. Very hard work. Take my hat off to those with children a lot worse.

Sorry, are you actually going to pretend that disability doesn't cause suffering?

I would also have chosen termination.

And this also makes me wonder if as the awareness of Neurodiversity continues over the coming decades (and the levels of long-term dependency it can create) will this lead to even more couples choosing not to have children? For some couples who strive for the perfect child or the perfect life, having a ND child may also be seen as a risk that they don’t want to take.

The fact that severe autism cannot be tested for in utero doesn’t mean we should stop testing for abnormalities that can be tested for and take that choice away from people who want it. If someone is happy that they will parent a child no matter then they don’t have to accept any testing. If there was a test for severe autism then I would have had a TFMR for that too.

They are choosing to put this online because it makes them money. They know there are some people who are pro life so they would have known what some people would say. They still chose to do it for the money and views.

I remember when some family vloggers filmed themselves going for a scan and they found out that their baby had died. The man actually stopped hugging his wife who was crying, to put the camera in a better position for capturing the moment to then put on SM. Awful people. I have no sympathy for people who put their lives online when they moan about getting criticism. I hope this couple don’t have children because any children will be exploited for money.

And if that T21 child had associated cardiac issues that meant surgeries, in patient stays, a lifetime of pain and probably early death?

that’s not a valid reason for tfmr? As pp have said T21 is much more than the happy, slightly impaired children and adults we see on social media. We don’t see the ones in hospital, on their third major surgery, that won’t live to adulthood.

does anyone know how health insurance would work in the US? If a child is diagnosed with T21 in utero, and you choose/are forced to continue with the pregnancy, does that child then have a “pre existing” medical condition? Are they insurable? Is the insurance affordable, co-pays, deductibles every year if they need surgery?

it must be a huge financial pressure along with an emotional one.